Proper way to inform of vacation with daughter

[Appleanche]

Hi -
We share joint physical/legal custody and nothing about vacation time is stated in our divorce paperwork. Nothing about vacationing out of state is addressed either, only "moving" out of state is mentioned.

What is the proper way to inform my ex that I plan to take daughter out of state for approximately 1 week during spring break (in April)? He is very controlling and may find a "reason" to try to disallow it or make it impossible by saying I can't have her during "his" normal timesharing days or nit-pick the details, such as I can only have her for exactly 1 week but no longer. I fear him going to great lengths to try to squash any possibility of this happening for us, so I want to (A) legally vacation with our child, and (B) properly and legally inform him that I will be doing so.

I have emailed him the approximate dates, indicating I will be more precise once the flights are booked. Is this enough or do I need to send it certified-mail? Or try to get him to sign something stating he received it?

 

[Proserpina]

Send him a letter, certified, notifying him of the dates of the vacation and the location.

If he wishes to contest, let him go ahead...but he'll need a good reason for doing so.

 

[CdwJava]

Will taking this added time conflict with any other portion of the order such as arranged visitation? If this vacation is entirely within YOUR visitation/custody time, and no prohibitions are violated, then simple notification as previously mentioned should suffice. If he does try to block it, you might have to go back to court to get these sorts of things spelled out in writing for the future.

 

[Appleanche]

Will taking this added time conflict with any other portion of the order such as arranged visitation? If this vacation is entirely within YOUR visitation/custody time, and no prohibitions are violated, then simple notification as previously mentioned should suffice. If he does try to block it, you might have to go back to court to get these sorts of things spelled out in writing for the future.

Well, my taking her for 1 week does mean that he will have to give up a portion of his usual visitation schedule, at least for that particular week. There's no way around it due to our visitation alternating every 3 days. His own mother took her for a weeks vacation last year so he really has no room to complain, but if he wants to recoupe the lost time then he can always take her for a week upon our return home.

Vacations are not stipulated in our custody agreement so this is something we have to be able to figure out until I get it modified, and I'm working on that now. He just wants to make life difficult for me; it's how he carries himself through every aspect of parenting. So considering there is no prior stipulation with regards to vacationing, what is my best valid approach for locking in this week with her?

 

[CdwJava]

If there is no mechanism for altering from the stated formula, then the only way to try and head off any accusations of your violating the custody and visitation order is to work this out with him ahead of times.

If the order states, specifically, that he has visitation during a specific period and you fail to turn the child over, you could potentially be charged with a violation of a court order.

Either get his buy-in, or, go back to court and seek a modification of the court order to reflect vacations or extended stays. Doing otherwise leaves you open to the possibility of criminal charges should he choose to be vindictive. The fact his mother may have been allowed a vacation does not mean that you must be allowed one, it only means that you agreed to the prior one and did not object.

 

[Appleanche]

If there is no mechanism for altering from the stated formula, then the only way to try and head off any accusations of your violating the custody and visitation order is to work this out with him ahead of times.

If the order states, specifically, that he has visitation during a specific period and you fail to turn the child over, you could potentially be charged with a violation of a court order.

Either get his buy-in, or, go back to court and seek a modification of the court order to reflect vacations or extended stays. Doing otherwise leaves you open to the possibility of criminal charges should he choose to be vindictive. The fact his mother may have been allowed a vacation does not mean that you must be allowed one, it only means that you agreed to the prior one and did not object.

Hmm, yes I could see that happening if I don't cover all bases. He's peaved about me taking her during Spring Break for personal reasons of his own, but he did send a disgruntled text asking me to let him know what the dates are. Probably not enough?

 

[CdwJava]

Hmm, yes I could see that happening if I don't cover all bases. He's peaved about me taking her during Spring Break for personal reasons of his own, but he did send a disgruntled text asking me to let him know what the dates are. Probably not enough?

Probably not.

Acknowledging the dates is not the same as agreeing to them. And, even then, unless such mutual arrangements to alter the visitation schedule are built in, you both risk the entire order being invalidated at some point.

In my opinion, the order is somewhat lacking if it does not address these things.

 

[Appleanche]

Probably not.

Acknowledging the dates is not the same as agreeing to them. And, even then, unless such mutual arrangements to alter the visitation schedule are built in, you both risk the entire order being invalidated at some point.

In my opinion, the order is somewhat lacking if it does not address these things.

Yes I suppose you have a point. I absolutely have to cover everything because if I slip up he'll be right there to point it out and take action.

Thanks for your input.