Proof of past abuse in custody case?

[thunder44]

Jurisdiction

Pennsylvania

I am a minor in the state of Pennsylvania. My mother is getting a divorce from my alcoholic abusive father. This divorce is intensely needed and I fully support my mother freeing herself from his fiscal and emotional abuse. This main issue is my four-year-old sister and the custody regarding her. She doesn't want to live with him and doesn't enjoy being around him as he is rather neglectful and unkind to her. However, to drag my mother further through the mud he is requesting 50/50 custody or full custody of her. This is terrifying to me. He is unfit to parent and will repeat the same abuse he did to me, to her. He verbally abused me as a child and neglected me leaving everything to my mother whilst drinking to excess and coming home intoxicated regularly. When I was 8 or 9 years of age I distinctly remember him touching my bottom, thighs, and legs over my clothes while I was in bed and he was moderately drunk. I didn't want it to happen and never told my mom because I was concerned I would add fuel to the fire of an already awful marriage. They constantly fought and I was worried telling her would worsen that. I have never told her the extent of his abuse, only some parts. She has suffered greatly and losing her youngest child to this person would kill her emotionally. I need to know what to do. How do I prove he did this? Will he have to register as a sex offender? Would I have to tell my mother or just a therapist who would testify on my behalf? Could he get split custody even with all these offenses?

 

[mightymoose]

If you believe you were a victim of abuse you can report it to law enforcement or maybe even social services (who would report it to law enforcement).
Proving it ever happened may be impossible, but that is not good reason to hide it and allow others to be abused.
If you bring this information forward it will be kept confidential within the reports, but your family will learn the details of what you describe.
Bringing the information forward, even if not proven, could certainly have an impact on how things play out regarding custody of your sister.
Sex offender status is looking way too far ahead. First a police report would have to provide enough evidence to support criminal charges, then he would have to be convicted. That would be a lengthy process much longer than a custody battle.

 

[thunder44]

If you believe you were a victim of abuse you can report it to law enforcement or maybe even social services (who would report it to law enforcement).
Proving it ever happened may be impossible, but that is not good reason to hide it and allow others to be abused.
If you bring this information forward it will be kept confidential within the reports, but your family will learn the details of what you describe.
Bringing the information forward, even if not proven, could certainly have an impact on how things play out regarding custody of your sister.
Sex offender status is looking way too far ahead. First a police report would have to provide enough evidence to support criminal charges, then he would have to be convicted. That would be a lengthy process much longer than a custody battle.

I just want custody of her for my mother. I don't care about what happens with him.

 

[army judge]

I am a minor in the state of Pennsylvania.


When I was 8 or 9 years of age I distinctly remember him touching my bottom, thighs, and legs over my clothes while I was in bed and he was moderately drunk.

I didn't want it to happen and never told my mom because I was concerned I would add fuel to the fire of an already awful marriage.

They constantly fought and I was worried telling her would worsen that.

I have never told her the extent of his abuse, only some parts. She has suffered greatly and losing her youngest child to this person would kill her emotionally. I need to know what to do.

How do I prove he did this? Will he have to register as a sex offender? Would I have to tell my mother or just a therapist who would testify on my behalf? Could he get split custody even with all these offenses?

You can do many things, young lady.
I suggest you tell everything that that evil, vile, pervert did to you to a trusted school counselor, your school nurse, the school principal, a teach you admire and trust, a religious official (if you practice any religion), a physician, a sexual assault nurse at any hospital emergency room, or even the police.

Frankly, I'd ask mother to send the baby to a relative and you and she go to Starbucks, a park, or somewhere private and safe.

Then you can tell mother everything.

In PA you have TWO years after your 18th birthday to get justice, get that criminal deviant locked away from that dear, delicate four year old sister of yours, too.

So, you can start that process tomorrow.

Keep reading, and this is the time you must remain strong for your family and yourself.

What that disgusting sub-human, primate, savage did to you is NOT your fault.
None of it is YOUR fault.
You were and remain an INNOCENT, a child, who was VIOLATED in unspeakable ways.
You can also contact a rape crisis center, and a counselor will help you get counseling, justice, and healing.

Please keep me posted as you work through this.
When you tell what happened to you, your mother will get sole custody of that abby, and you'll save her from what that THING did to you.
You are the key to many things, young lady.
I take all reports of rape and sexual assaults against children personally.
I have a niece who suffered from a savage, too, and a nephew!

These websites below might also be helpful.
If they aren't near you, they will refer you to someone in your city or county.
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Pittsburgh Sexual Abuse Treatment Programs - Sexual Abuse Treatment Centers Pittsburgh, Allegheny County, Pennsylvania - Sexual Abuse Treatment Programs Pittsburgh
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The Crime Victims' Center of Chester County, Inc.
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victimservicescenter
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Delaware County Women Against Rape Daemion Counseling Center
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Statutes of Limitations | Pennsylvania Coalition Against Rape (PCAR)
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...

 

[ElleMD]

How old are you now? This guy is probably going to get some amount of visitation. If he has a documented problem with alcohol and Mom shares in family court his abusive behavior in general, it would likely be supervised visitation. That very well may happen even if you report what happened to you, but it does make a much stronger case for limited visitation and requiring it be supervised by another trusted adult. Unless there is a whole lot you left out about Mom, she isn't going to lose custody. She might have to share custody, but this dude is not going to get full custody. He is using that as a scare tactic. It takes a whole lot to lose full custody of one's child, but a history of abuse, especially sexual molestation of a child, and substance abuse problems can do it. Fair or not, the chances of a Father getting custody over a Mother are very slim. That goes double when Mom has been the primary caregiver.

For your own sake, you need to tell your Mom what happened and get help for yourself. You probably don't even realize all the ways living in this environment and experiencing what you did will affect you, even if you never lay eyes on this guy again. If you need help talking to Mom, approach your counselor at school, pastor/priest/rabbi, or other trusted adult. Strong preference is for someone with a counseling background and knowledge of resources you both may need (doctor, school counselor, abuse hotline, etc.).

It is admirable that you want to protect your sister but ultimately, that is up to your Mom and the courts. YOU are not responsible for what someone else might do. Ever. Even if you never come forward, his actions will never be your fault. You are still a kid yourself and you deserve to have someone protect you and help you process what happened to you.

 

[thunder44]

Thanks everyone who responded. Things are getting much worse so I came forward and told my mother. She was responsive and calm. She believed me and will help me get to a therapist as soon as possible. As for documented alcohol issue- how's that work? Supervised visitation would be fine as long as it could change in time because my sister has a strong urge to be away from him. He's disowned me at this point and refused to pay for the divorce. Really appreciate you all responding. It helps me be at ease knowing he won't at least have full custody.

 

[army judge]

Thanks everyone who responded. Things are getting much worse so I came forward and told my mother. She was responsive and calm. She believed me and will help me get to a therapist as soon as possible. As for documented alcohol issue- how's that work? Supervised visitation would be fine as long as it could change in time because my sister has a strong urge to be away from him. He's disowned me at this point and refused to pay for the divorce. Really appreciate you all responding. It helps me be at ease knowing he won't at least have full custody.

You're a kid.
Your mother will figure all of this out.
Alcohol abuse is the least of that pervert's worries.
You need to focus on your recovery.
God bless.