POA abusing his power, What can be done?

[CharlieS15]

Jurisdiction

Illinois

Thank you to anyone who reads this. I am very grateful for any help you can provide.

I have several questions in regards to POA and my Grandmothers will. My Uncle is an Attorney and he is both POA and Executor of her will. As far as I know, this was all set up by him and through his law firm.To the best of our knowledge, my Grandmother willingly made him both because he is an attorney and she trusted him.

Problem is, when her health started getting worse, him and his entire family moved into her house to take care of her and because she had allegedly wanted the house to stay in the family and me and my mom cannot afford it. We did not have a problem with this. We understood, and were fine with it because we were under the impression that things would be done right and in my Grandmothers best interest as well as the rest of her families.

But now me and my mother are really not liking how things are transpiring and my Grandma is on hospice in her house without much longer left to live.
We are being denied a lot of things and I'm not sure its legal.

My grandmother had always let us spend nights or even weeks at her house when she had all her mental faculties and we live far away so we cannot afford to drive there very often to see her.
We are allowed to visit, but only on their terms (my Uncle and wife) I understand that POA may have these powers to limit visitation but they are limiting access to the whole house and I'm not sure where the line gets crossed into abuse of power or into not acting in my Grandmothers best interests. Because she would have never wanted whats being done to us.

My uncle is showing extreme favoritism towards his wife and ignoring all of OUR wishes.
He is power of attorney, but his wife is dictating EVERYTHING as if SHE is and as if SHE is the homeowner.

We are not allowed to spend a few days there or even a night because SHE doesn't want us to.

We wanted to have an early Christmas with her when she was in better health. The wife didn't want us to.

Then we wanted to have Thanksgiving at her house like its always been and we offered to cook and everything. The wife didn't want us to.

Now we have to go have it at his friends house, but my Grandmother apparently just stopped eating yesterday so who knows if that will happen. Plus we didn't want that, and we know Grandma would have preferred to have it at her house out of tradition, and it would have been easier on her physically as she wouldn't have to travel.

My uncle says if shes still around by Christmas, that they will put her in a hospice center and they will have Christmas without us and us without her out of state. I suspect this is the wife's doing too. Because she is acting territorial over my Grandmothers house.

They act like they already own the house even though my Grandmother is still alive and we have not received our inheritance which is to be split 50-50 between my Uncle and my Mom when my Grandmother passes.

He has always been very aggressive and hostile towards us and it makes it even difficult to discuss anything or ask for copies of the will and other documents etc. because we know it will start an argument or fight and we are concerned he will later be vindictive about it when it comes to the inheritance.

They have moved all their stuff in, made physical changes to the house, thrown things out of my Grandmas without asking our consent, they got a hospital bed delivered and had it set up in the living room at first but then they moved it upstairs and moved her into THEIR old bedroom instead of HER master bedroom.

They claimed it was because the hospital bed would not fit and because they wanted room for visitors even though her master bedroom is 2-3 times the size as the room they put in her now. They said it was because her regular bed in the master was taking up too much space and that's why they couldn't put the hospital bed in there but yet he moved his bed out of his room, moved several pieces of large furniture, switched everything in their closets and everything out of her master bath etc.

This is all VERY upsetting to my mother in particular and me as well and we don't know how to handle this or what legal rights we have. I know my Grandmother would not be ok with a lot of this if she were in her right mind, and we don't even want to ask her now because we don't want to cause problems or upset her in her last days.

And with how we are being shut out and treated right now, we are concerned we will be cheated on our inheritance. He took control over her finances many months ago now, and God only knows what hes done with it so far. We don't know everything she had in her accounts then and we know she has more accounts than the 1 he mentioned which he said we will split, but the amount seems low to me. Is there anyway we can legally challenge his POA and get her will and see her financial records for ourselves to ensure hes doing things honestly? And if so, is there a time frame on this? Like when she passes, can we no longer call into question what he did when he was POA?

What can we do?

Thank you so much.

 

[Disabled Vet]

This issue can only be fixed with your mother hiring a lawyer herself.

 

[CharlieS15]

This issue can only be fixed with your mother hiring a lawyer herself.

Thanks for the response but are you sure there's no other recourse? We don't have any money.

 

[adjusterjack]

Thanks for the response but are you sure there's no other recourse? We don't have any money.

Common response to "Get a lawyer."

Sorry, but with some things (like this) hiring an attorney and going to court is the only way to make things change.

Unless, of course, your Mom can figure out how to seek conservatorship over her mother without hiring an attorney.

 

[army judge]

Some gravely ill and/or dying people care more about their medical issues than they do traditions and holidays.

You never know in this life, having been at death's door a time or two in my life, sometimes you live despite the diagnosis and/or prognosis.

 

[ElleMD]

Most of what you describe isn't a legal issue, just a family squabble. He and his family are caring for her while you are not even in the area. That is a huge burden. Those dictating from afar need to be mindful that they are not there on a daily basis and aren't dealing with the daily realities. If they are living there, then they do have a say in who stays overnight, especially if you are wanting to do so for weeks at a time. I presume had you or your mother been willing to move and care for her full time, you could have moved in and done so. That isn't what you wanted, or that wasn't what she wanted.

If you wish to host a Thanksgiving dinner, you may certainly do so, but at your own home or at a venue of your choosing that is not her home. Invite who you like. You do not have a legal right to schedule a celebration in someone else's home, to suit your own schedule, whether or not you plan to do the cooking.

 

[CharlieS15]

Common response to "Get a lawyer."

Sorry, but with some things (like this) hiring an attorney and going to court is the only way to make things change.

Unless, of course, your Mom can figure out how to seek conservatorship over her mother without hiring an attorney.

That's gonna be really hard. I don't know how we're gonna come up with the money. I guess I have to make it happen some how. Thanks for the response. Do you think we should get one as soon as possible or wait until she passes? does it make any difference?

 

[CharlieS15]

Some gravely ill and/or dying people care more about their medical issues than they do traditions and holidays.

You never know in this life, having been at death's door a time or two in my life, sometimes you live despite the diagnosis and/or prognosis.

I almost died of cancer myself. So I do have some insight. I really don't think my Grandma would have ever wanted that. I know her too well and I know for a fact that this was the wife's decision.
I don't think they even consulted my Grandma, and shes no longer mentally fit to give a legitimate answer anyway.

 

[army judge]

shes no longer mentally fit to give a legitimate answer anyway.

My mother suffered from Alzheimer's, lapsing into a come for the last 18 months of her life, before she died.

Each time I visited her during those final months it was so painful to see a once vibrant, smart, active, loving woman and mother reduced to a breathing, lifeless corpse.

You'll always have the memories of better days and times, focus on what once was, and prepare for the final hour.

Billions of dollars can never replace those wonderful days you spent with her, laughing, smiling, talking, reminiscing, and loving.

God bless your grandmother, your family, your mother, and you as you traverse these murky, sad days.

This is a time to be your better self, your bigger self, your stronger self, and hold your head high.

 

[CharlieS15]

Most of what you describe isn't a legal issue, just a family squabble. He and his family are caring for her while you are not even in the area. That is a huge burden. Those dictating from afar need to be mindful that they are not there on a daily basis and aren't dealing with the daily realities. If they are living there, then they do have a say in who stays overnight, especially if you are wanting to do so for weeks at a time. I presume had you or your mother been willing to move and care for her full time, you could have moved in and done so. That isn't what you wanted, or that wasn't what she wanted.

If you wish to host a Thanksgiving dinner, you may certainly do so, but at your own home or at a venue of your choosing that is not her home. Invite who you like. You do not have a legal right to schedule a celebration in someone else's home, to suit your own schedule, whether or not you plan to do the cooking.

It sounds to me like you did not understand much of my reply. So let me clarify. They do not own the house and the wife is not power of attorney. So I'm not sure how she can legally deny us the ability to stay there for a day or two even, which is really all we were asking. I was simply making the point that my Grandma would have let us stay for a week if we wanted to. In fact, I did just that when this all first started. I stayed and cared for her for weeks at a time.

We were willing, we were not given the choice. I understand the burden and we have DEFINITELY not been the ones dictating anything. That's all been the wife. Who should honestly have no say in it. Or at least, very little. My grandmothers wishes and her immediate families wishes should come first.

If I hosted Thanksgiving, they would not bring her. And its HER home, not theirs. Definitely not the wife's.

 

[CharlieS15]

My mother suffered from Alzheimer's, lapsing into a come for the last 18 months of her life, before she died.

Each time I visited her during those final months it was so painful to see a once vibrant, smart, active, loving woman and mother reduced to a breathing, lifeless corpse.

You'll always have the memories of better days and times, focus on what once was, and prepare for the final hour.

Billions of dollars can never replace those wonderful days you spent with her, laughing, smiling, talking, reminiscing, and loving.

God bless your grandmother, your family, your mother, and you as you traverse these murky, sad days.

This is a time to be your better self, your bigger self, your stronger self, and hold your head high.

Thank you. I agree. I would give anything to still have my Grandma. I'm sorry you went through that.