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PLEASE: What’s the right thing to do here?

Discussion in 'Child Custody & Visitation' started by Candace, Jul 10, 2021.

  1. Candace

    Candace Law Topic Starter New Member

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    Jurisdiction:
    Georgia
    So in early June I returned from an international trip with my now fiancé. My 3 year old daughter’s father knew about my trip and even supported my going. But once he saw a picture of me and my now fiancé he flipped out. He refused to return my daughter to me when I requested her return (not legitimized; I’m the sole custodial parent). He would not pick my calls or respond to messages. Police had to help me regain custody of my daughter and told him what he did was technically kidnapping.
    He has now served me with paperwork to legitimize her, have full sole custody, and child support. (He has not even been financially supportive for our daughter and I have always carried the weight of that almost entirely alone.)

    He tricked me to get me served and sent a text message telling him he could email me to communicate moving forward. I blocked him. And I would like a restraining order as well. But now I have friends saying blocking him looks bad on my side when it comes to court. And the restraining looks vindictive (although I was planning to get one before being served & he has been jailed previously for assaulting me).
    My question is: is it okay that I blocked him? And is it okay to get the restraining order?

    I have never kept him away from our daughter despite his irresponsibility financially and in other ways. But since the “kidnapping” incident I don’t feel comfortable giving her to him and worried that he may not return my daughter back to me.

    I need serious help please. I’m lost and very hurt. My daughter is my everything and he knows this. She lacks nothing. I know I’m a good mother but I’m so worried about this and I even want him to have supervised visitation. I never thought he would hide her away from me. Never.
     
  2. adjusterjack

    adjusterjack Super Moderator

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    It's foolish. His communications to you could potentially give you something to use against him. And you can simply ignore them if you like.

    You were planning to but didn't. Now you want to after he's filed in court. He's using the legal system that he has a right to use and there is apparently no threat of violence to you now. A restraining order sure looks retaliatory to me, as a method of making his life difficult.

    I don't think a judge would look kindly upon you for your intentions.

    I suggest you work within the legal system just like he is. Get yourself a lawyer.
     
  3. Disabled Vet

    Disabled Vet Active Member

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    You are so worried about a restraining order now? What happened that you allowed you to LEAVE his daughter with him while you traveled? I guess he was a good enough parent then that you trusted him. Keep blocking him and not keeping the channel of communications between you closed. This will help him in the custody hearing... Put a restraining order on him... this will help him in the custody hearing.
     
    justblue likes this.
  4. retic

    retic New Member

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    First, you retain a family law attorney and do exactly what he or she says.

    Second, shut up about restraining orders and supervised visitation. You were fine with leaving your daughter in her dad's care while you left the country.

    Third, stop complaining about being "tricked" into service as that implies you knew that the lawsuit was coming and you were trying to duck service.

    Fourth, stop complaining that bio-dad didn't help support the child when he wasn't legal dad, as legally there was no more requirement for him to do so than anyone responding to you here.

    Fifth, go back over your texts/emails/correspondence with the child's father for the last year and determine how many nights your daughter has spent with him. Have your attorney request a visitation order based on status quo.

    Sixth, file for child support based on the state's standard formula based on income and the visitation schedule that gets worked out.
     
    Red Kayak and justblue like this.
  5. Candace

    Candace Law Topic Starter New Member

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    Don’t assume because I didn’t explain everything that you understand what’s going on. I gave a summarized version of what’s happening. He has turned vindictive because I moved on. We coparent great before my trip and suddenly when he saw that I was with the guy he knew I was traveling to meet up with he slowly but surely began to cut off communication while I was away. I originally left my daughter with my own family members and he went and picked her up from their house.
     
    leslie82 likes this.
  6. Candace

    Candace Law Topic Starter New Member

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    Actually in the state of Georgia the only right he has is to pay child support until he has legitimized her. He signed the acknowledgement of paternity. Which shows he is in fact supposed to take financially responsibility for her and he hasn’t. I already established that much with a lawyer years ago when the topic of legitimizing her came up the first time.
    Also I was definitely tricked because he said he was coming to drop off something for her and instead got me served.
    Telling me to shut up implies you have very little self control over your emotions. Calm down. It’s not even your life buddy.
     
  7. Candace

    Candace Law Topic Starter New Member

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    to clarify: I NEVER left my daughter with her father. I left her with my family members. He went to pick her up from their house saying he would return her after a birthday party. He didn’t.
     
  8. Candace

    Candace Law Topic Starter New Member

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    Him and his family have been coming to my house without permission even after giving back the key to the gate. This concerns me honestly. How could he get inside the gate with a key I have in my possession? Also when I have tried to coparent with him peacefully that is when he has turned violent. When he is sure that I’m not interested in a relationship his anger pushes him to become more aggressive towards me. If in the end it still looks vindictive then I won’t do it. But it doesn’t change the fact that I still have legitimate fear for my safety.
     
  9. army judge

    army judge Super Moderator

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    If you fail to HIRE yourself an attorney, your nemesis might prevail.
     
  10. zddoodah

    zddoodah Well-Known Member

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    Does this mean that the paternity of the man in question has never been establish in any way recognized by your state and that there are no orders regarding custody, visitation and support? If not, what does it mean?

    By the way, if you also signed the acknowledgment of paternity that you said he signed, then that is likely sufficient to establish paternity.

    Well...if you weren't hiding from service, who cares? If you were hiding from service, then what choice did he have?

    You're free at any time to seek one, but why?

    Are any of these friends attorneys who handle family law matters in the court where your case is pending? If not, what would make you think they know what they're talking about?

    Blocked him from what?

    It's ok with me. Whether it will, as your friends have suggested, "look vindictive" will depend on whether you have a valid factual basis for seeking one.

    I agree. You should retain the services of a local attorney.
     
  11. stealthy1

    stealthy1 Active Member

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    He had a copy made. Obviously. Why you haven't changed the locks is the more salient question.
     
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  12. Zigner

    Zigner Well-Known Member

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    The likelihood of the matter rising to that of "kidnapping" is extremely small. If the police had believed that it WAS kidnapping, then the police would have arrested him and charged him with it and not just played games. It was a lie/bluff on the part of the police. Stop referring to it as kidnapping, or you may find yourself on the wrong end of a defamation lawsuit.
     
  13. stealthy1

    stealthy1 Active Member

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    Yet there still would need to be a child support order. Is there one?
     
  14. leslie82

    leslie82 Well-Known Member

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    He can file for whatever he wants, it doesn't mean a judge is going to approve it.

    No blocking him isn't necessarily a bad thing if he's harassing you or anything like that. You could make up an email that you use only to talk to him and say that if he needs to communicate with you about your child, he can contact you on there. Make clear that if it's anything other than the child, you don't want to hear about it.

    If someone is threatening you, can apply for a protection order. Will it get approved? That's up to the judge.

    Do you have a parenting plan in place via a court order currently? Have you filed anything in court to modify any visitation after what he did? If not, you should. If I was you, I'd be calling up attorneys. Look for ones who offer free consultations. You get a free 30 min out of them if they do offer one.
     
  15. leslie82

    leslie82 Well-Known Member

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    Before her trip he apparently never kidnapped their child. After the trip, he did kidnap the child by refusing to let her go back to the mom.
     
  16. leslie82

    leslie82 Well-Known Member

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    Here's what you need to do:

    Get a lawyer. As I said look for ones who offer free consultations so you can talk to them for free for a bit and find one you like.

    If you don't want him to talk to you on primary communications, make up another email and have him talk to you on that about your daughter and tell him you're only talking to him about the child. IF he or his family is threatening either of you in any way or trespassing, you can file for a protection order. It's up to a judge if they see enough cause to approve it.

    If he did go get her when you left her in the care of family and he wasn't supposed to do so, has no visitation/parenting plan that's court ordered, that's concerning as well.

    I'd say bottomline - get a lawyer.
     

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