Paternity and custody rights

[needadvise]

I am a college student, and had a one night stand with a girl, and now she is pregnant and says it is mine. Conception occured in Missouri, however, she has since moved to Utah. Her plans are to have a couple that is a family friend adopt the child. I've told her that I am willing to take full responsibility, and take custody. After I told her this, then she said my choices are to give up rights, and have this family adopt, or she will keep the baby, and I would pay child support for 18 years, and I didn't have the option to get custody. She doesn't even want the baby. I have text messages from her stating this. I will graduate in May, which is also when the baby is due. If I don't have a chance, by parents are willing to take on legal custody, or legal guardianship until I get out of school, get a job, and get settled. So, since I am still in Missouri, and she is in Utah, what are my chances of having a DNA test done before the baby is born, or will this all need to wait until the baby is born. Basically, she's told me not to ever contact her again, until I get a lawyer, which I'm planning to do. If this so called adoptive family is already paying her medical bills, will they have more of a chance?
Also, what laws would be accurate, Missouri, or Utah? Thanks.

 

[shrinkmaster]

Its your child and you may seek custody. Saying that if she keeps child she needs to make sure paternity established before that happens. If a child support is made you in turn can seek reasonable visitation. Due to the distance you can expect extended visitation during certain periods of time just not while child is infant

 

[ElleMD]

How exactly do you plan to test DNA before the child is born? You are going to have to wait. Be prepared that the baby may not be yours. Your parents aren't any more likely to get this child than any other random person. You do need to think about what is truly best for this baby too. Solo fatherhood when you are barely out of school, unemployed, living with family, and trying to raise an infant with someone who lives half a continent away is not an ideal scenario. Have you ever taken care of a baby before? Like it or not, you are going to be bound to this woman you didn't care enough about to spend more than a night with. Are you prepared to deal with that? Are you prepared to spend the money for travel to Utah and court costs? Even then, if the mother wants custody, it is not fabulous odds that it will be awarded to you, after paternity has been established. Texts while single and pregnant stating she doesn't want the baby or looking at adoption options are going to mean very, very little. It is far from unusual for any unplanned pregnancy to bring about questions about options and a young lady not involved with the father doing so it pretty much a given.

 

[needadvise]

ElleMD, I was ASKING if a DNA test could be done before the child was born, as I don't know if that is possible or not. Yes, I have taken care of a baby before. My sister has been raising her child solo for nearly four years now, in which I am very involved in his life. Yes, I am prepared for spending the money to be granted custody. Am I just supposed to sit back and let her give the baby away because she doesn't want children? I'm just simply asking for any advise out there, and some hope.

 

[shrinkmaster]

No court will approve this test until after birth. Many states have a punitive Father registry. I suggest you see if there is one in Mom's state and you sign up. Yes a man can raise a child on his own I raised my three with EX after our Divorce and they were ages 3, 5 and 9 however courts tend to favor Moms and even more so with infants

 

[ElleMD]

No, DNA tests require the baby be born first. if you are financially, emotionally, socially, and physically prepared for a baby, the mother of the baby issues, custody battle, and court costs, so be it. Most current college students and newly minted grads are not.

Ensuring your baby is adopted by a loving couple who want to and are prepared to be parents and raise the child in a stable environment is hardly, "giving the baby away". Adoption is a selfless act. It may be that you are one of the few very young adults in a unique position to offer all that the child needs and are up for the issues with co-parenting long distance/totally solo. I would highly suggest talking things over with a counselor and a lawyer before you act in any capacity.

 

[army judge]

ElleMD, I was ASKING if a DNA test could be done before the child was born, as I don't know if that is possible or not. Yes, I have taken care of a baby before. My sister has been raising her child solo for nearly four years now, in which I am very involved in his life. Yes, I am prepared for spending the money to be granted custody. Am I just supposed to sit back and let her give the baby away because she doesn't want children? I'm just simply asking for any advise out there, and some hope.

The biggest issue for unmarried fathers is PROVING the paternity of the child.
Married fathers are putative fathers by virtue of the marriage contract.
Unmarried moms are vested with all rights and full maternity to children they carry, or choose to abort.

You must first prove paternity.
If you seriously wish to pursue this, hire a lawyer.
Otherwise, no one (especially the courts) will take note of you.
A court, the correct court, is the ONLY hope you have.

Heck, if she decided to kill the child tomorrow, there's NOTHING you could do even if you were married.
Now, being unmarried, you're worse off.

She could be married to you.
It could be the baby of one of her 100 paramours.
You as her husband would be stuck for supporting the baby.
You'd have to go to court to attempt to rebut the legal presumption of being the putative pappy.

It's rarely done because its potentially harmful to the baby and/or mom to be, but amniocentesis can sometimes be court ordered to determine paternity of the baby before its born.
Be advised, it's costly, and expensive.
It has been successfully achieved by the wealthy.

Remember, it is a woman's right to choose (and law in this country) without exception or other qualification.
Knowing that, be very careful about where you place your sperm if you dispute that Supreme Court Right.