Once absent parent now threatening to file for joint custody

[missmomma]

The non-custodial parent has threatened to file for joint (50/50) custody of our 5 year old. He has thousands of dollars acrued in back child support and has not paid court costs that he was ordered to pay for all the past child support hearings. The non-custodial parent was non-existant until the past year and half. And has not gone more than 3 months continually making child support payments. The only reason he did that was to hope to get onto the court's good graces after being picked up on a capias warrant for another no-show to a child support hearing.

I have never refused or denied visitation or access to the child due to lack of child support or existance from the first years of the childs life, even while the child does not like going with the non-custodial parent.

I have fed, clothed, and raised our child well within my means and am not unfit in anyway. With the lack of child support, build up of back child support and unpaid court costs, is there a chance that the non-custodial parent could be granted joint custody?

 

[PQN2]

Child support is not a ticket to see your child.
A change of circumstances is necessary to change custody.

That being said, how often does NCP see your child? overnights?

 

[missmomma]

NCP exercizes his court ordered visitation. Since we were getting along we have been going with every other weekend instead of the court's 1st, 3rd and 5th weekends, and Thursday nights.

We were trying to see if we could work things out, but I decided I still wasn't able to fully forgive him for abandoning his child for the first 3 1/2 years of the child's life and not taking responsibility. So in retaliation he threatened to file for joint physical custody.

-On a side note-

He has taken to spanking when the child lies too. With a thin plastic rod (like a mini blinds turner). I have expressed my feelings against it and he did it anyway when we were together. My attorney (which I just hired and depleted my savings) advised me to start taking pictures and noting the dates - I have. While that is a fine line between abuse and discipline, I still feel like I am purposely putting the child in that situation. It makes me sick to my stomach when I have to take pictures of my own child that might need to be evidence someday.

 

[PQN2]

NCP exercizes his court ordered visitation. Since we were getting along we have been going with every other weekend instead of the court's 1st, 3rd and 5th weekends, and Thursday nights.

We were trying to see if we could work things out, but I decided I still wasn't able to fully forgive him for abandoning his child for the first 3 1/2 years of the child's life and not taking responsibility. So in retaliation he threatened to file for joint physical custody.

-On a side note-

He has taken to spanking when the child lies too. With a thin plastic rod (like a mini blinds turner). I have expressed my feelings against it and he did it anyway when we were together. My attorney (which I just hired and depleted my savings) advised me to start taking pictures and noting the dates - I have. While that is a fine line between abuse and discipline, I still feel like I am purposely putting the child in that situation. It makes me sick to my stomach when I have to take pictures of my own child that might need to be evidence someday.

Well, you can quit taking pictures. Your photos won't be admissible. Who is to say you didn't spank your son and then take pictures. Next time your son comes home bruised, go straight to the doctor and have them document the bruises and what the child says about who did it. If they feel that it is abusive, they are mandated to report it.

You need to let go of what he did when the child was little. It looks like he has mended his ways and is there for the child now. The child will not remember that dad wasn't there until he was 3 1/2 unless you tell him.

To get a change in custody, he would still need to prove a change in circumstances and "I'm tired of paying child support' is not a change in circumstances. If he is not using all of the visitation he is entitled to (1st/3rd/5th and Thursdays) then he is unlikely to get additional visitation.

What did your attorney say about your ex's chances? He'd have a much better feel for the local climate of your courts.

 

[army judge]

Well, you can quit taking pictures. Your photos won't be admissible. Who is to say you didn't spank your son and then take pictures. Next time your son comes home bruised, go straight to the doctor and have them document the bruises and what the child says about who did it. If they feel that it is abusive, they are mandated to report it.

You need to let go of what he did when the child was little. It looks like he has mended his ways and is there for the child now. The child will not remember that dad wasn't there until he was 3 1/2 unless you tell him.

To get a change in custody, he would still need to prove a change in circumstances and "I'm tired of paying child support' is not a change in circumstances. If he is not using all of the visitation he is entitled to (1st/3rd/5th and Thursdays) then he is unlikely to get additional visitation.

What did your attorney say about your ex's chances? He'd have a much better feel for the local climate of your courts.

PQN2 gave you some wise counsel, OP.
You have a great deal to consider.
You also have an idea of how to address this behavior going forward.

 

[missmomma]

My attroney says my ex doesn't have a very good chance. The he has $19K in arreared back child support and hasn't (according to the court dockets online) paid the court costs from the child support hearings. He was picked up on 1 capias last fall from a child support hearing he did not show up at which he was ordered by the Judge to be there. He hasn't gone more than 3 months in a row of paying his child support, and that was when he was trying not to go back to jail after the capias pick-up.

The court has sent garnishment papers to his work, but he works for his dad and they do contract home re-modeling. So working contract jobs and working for dad is hard to track and garnish. Its especially hard when the dad tells me and the court that my ex no longer works for him. Liens won't work either since his vehicle is in his dad's name and he lives with his parents.