Need Help Custody Rights of Mother

[momofmickey]

To make a long story short I go to court in less than three weeks for a scheduling conference/temp hearing. I have a four month old daughter, her father and I have been split up since I was three months pregnant. I left him because of the way he spoke to me among other reasons. He filed paperwork after she was born at a court in his town about two hours away. He says he wants her 2 to 3 days a week. He has seen her three times for a couple of hours. The last time he was here was the day before Thanksgiving. I had told him if he made an effort to get to know her and learn how to care for her he could take her while I was at work to his brothers house which is twenty minutes away. He stopped coming to see her and says he wont see her until he can take her. I am breastfeeding so him taking her to Conway is a scary thought because I will have to start formula. I would like to ask the court that he take a parenting class and spend a decent amount of time with her before he is allowed to take her while I am at work which is only three to four hours a night four days a week. My sister watches her at my apt one day and my best friend and her husband watch her the other three days. I would like to know the chances of his getting custody at this time or a later time and if there is anything I can do to get sole physical custody. I would just like to mention that I know she needs her father to and I want him to be there I just want him to know what he is doing. And I am fearful that she will be shipped back and forth all the time. I dont think that is fair to her. Thank you for your time.

 

[jharris352]

She will be shipped back and forth all of the time. That is the decision you made when you decided to leave him because of "how he talked to you" instead of working it out with him. You made a baby with him, learn to live with him. Just my opinion.

As for custody, you are likely to have primary physical custody, but absent a showing that he is an unfit parent he has as much right to "learn on the job" as you do. You can't dictate that he take parenting classes unless you can show that he currently can not care for the child. If you have concerns you should certainly raise them.

Sole custody? Not a chance. He is the father, and if he has proven paternity you have absolutely no right to cut him out of the baby's life because you don't want her shipped back and forth. How about the two of you going to couple's counseling and getting married. That will solve all of the problems you are complaining of. You two can learn to raise your child together, she will have a full time mom and dad, you won't have to ship the child back and forth, and you will both have full custody.

I'm pretty sure, knowing how mother's feel about children, that you are less concerned about "shipping" her back and forth as you are about not having her for a couple days a week. While a Mother's love is admirable, it is no more important than a fathers love and attention. Your decisions separated the family. Why don't you consider putting the family back together?

 

[momofmickey]

I think you must have missed the last part of I know she needs him and wants him there and I only said the way he talked to me to spare the details no one deserves to be treated or talked to the way I was and I wanted to go to counseling but he did not there was no working this out believe me if I could have stuck it out and made it work I would have. And I am very concerned about shipping yes letting her go will hurt but that is what is best for her and I am fully aware and am behind it. I just want him to know what he is doing he has cancelled seeing his daughter time after time and wouldnt even change her diaper. So when I have to go to work and he is suppose to take her and "something comes up" it's my responsibility to get my shift covered or find a sitter he wants to see her when it is convenient for him not working together. I am not crying victim here. I am doing what I believe is in my daughters best interest. I do appreciate the honestly though. : )

 

[jharris352]

I caught what you said. I was just reacting to your "I want sole custody." You have no right to sole custody, nor should you want it. I understand, and so will the court, that he needs to be able to take care of a baby: I have six so I truly get it. I still think your best bet is to try to put the family together. I didn't say you were right or wrong for the way he talked to you, I just said you should keep trying not walk away. As you said, your baby needs the father and mother. Good luck.

 

[Bluedeberrio]

join a support group for mothers in custody battles

Here are some suggestions.

1.Join a support group for mothers in custody battles -- Do not go it alone. the NOW organization in your homestate or National NOW can direct you.

2. Read Divorced From Justice by Karen Winner (ReganBooks Harper Collins, 1996). This book is available at many libraries or can be purchased -- available at discount book sites on line.

3. Siena College in New York offers an annual mothers and custody conference -- it just occurred. You can obtain contact numbers for referrals to groups. It is organized by Dr. Teresa Hanna, a psychologist/professor at the college.

Good luck!
Bluedeberrio

 

[MorgansDaddy]

I don't have advice to your specific question, however, if he filed in a different county than where the child lives, they do not have jurisdiction over the case and you could file a motion to have the hearing and further court dates moved to the proper jurisdiction. I don't know the details on how to do so, but I'm sure someone here does.

 

[Proserpina]

I don't have advice to your specific question, however, if he filed in a different county than where the child lives, they do not have jurisdiction over the case and you could file a motion to have the hearing and further court dates moved to the proper jurisdiction. I don't know the details on how to do so, but I'm sure someone here does.

That is not always correct - depending on the circumstances Dad may have been allowed to file in his county.

It's not always a given