Need advise for my husband

[seffysmiles]

Husband lives in il.
Husband's ex lives in IA.

Ok, before me the ex and my husband were together sort of, for a period of 6months during which she got pregnant. She was constantly going from michigan to illinois and back again during the time they were together. He found out she was with another man during the same time she got pregnant, but she told him the baby was his. However she moved back to michigan roughly 8 hours from where he lived. He told her to take him to court to get support, and she told him no. He tried to convince her to do this so she'd get some money and medical for the kid. She wouldn't, just kept telling him to stay out of their lives. She called him after the baby was born, and he went to see her when she was about a month old, at a motel he was staying at. She drove to him, not letting him know where they were living. Just that she was living with an old ex boyfriend (who turned into hubby #1). He was never allowed a number, she would block it when she called him. He went up to see her again a few months later when he could afford the drive and the same conditions applied. This time he was allowed to buy her clothes and formula. She told him she never mentioned his name to anyone. He tried again to get her to take him to court. She refused, again. When I came into the picture she told him to stay out of their lives and she quit calling him. He had no way to contact her. Now she lives with hubby #2 in IA and the courts in IL are taking him to court for back child support, current child support and paternity testing. He says he's about 85% sure the kid is his but now she is 4yrs old and knows Hubby#2 as daddy. She called a couple months ago and wanted him to sign on as dad then off giving hubby #2 option to adopt her. Can he do this? Can he get out of any back child support? Husband works alot so I'm trying to help with info. Husband really wouldn't care if he had to pay support, cause then he could have the right to actually see her and be around her but she already knows and loves the guy she calls daddy and my husband doesn't want to confuse her. Any info would be great. Thanks.

 

[army judge]

Wait until the paternity testing reveals if your hubby is the father. That is the best case scenario for both of you.

If he isn't the dad, nothing else will matter. She won't get a dime of support from either of you.

If he is the father, he'll need a lawyer. Talk to a few in the interim. See how much they'll charge. Be ready in case you have to engage in a legal battle. Don't roll over and okay dead. He should fight for his paternal rights, if he's daddy. I'm thinking he won't be the daddy. So, wait until you know the answers. No need to guess and worry over nothing.


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[seffysmiles]

He's not worried. We just wanted to know could he sign over his rights to her husband. (The one the kid knows as daddy.)
My husband helps raise my 2 children from another marriage and we also have a 2yr old daughter. So we already have 3 girls another one won't make a difference. He is a little upset that he will have to pay the back child support because he doesn't want to hurt the little girls who already depend on him. The little girl does look like him. The ex said he could sign on and then off before he gets nailed for child support. Is this true? He wants to know all his options and he doesn't trust her. He knows she wants him to sign away his rights because she doesn't want him to see her or have anything to do with her that is why he has NEVER had an address or a phone number.
The only reason she called this time was to say she and her husband got in trouble with DCFS for leaving the kids in a running car while they were inside fighting. She told him DCFS dug into the little girls records and found one time where she had named him as dad for family records. This woman has moved countless times in the past 2 years. (He has a friend that is close to her) She has gone from Michigan, to Iowa, to Illinois, and now back to Iowa. She doesn't want to be restricted because she told my husband that when she is done with college (which is why she is in Iowa) then she is moving back to Michigan. My husband is concerned that even if he gets some visitation and they begin to work on a relationship then the mom is going to move again and he will be back to square one where he won't know where she is or when he'll be able to see her. There is a lot more to this story but I'm trying to shorten for you.

 

[Duranie]

If mom was on government assistance he will have to pay back support. He can get a DNA test through the courts and determine if the child is his. Even if the child is not biologically his he may be the legal father regardless.

so he can petition for visitation or ask if the step-father is willing to adopt then he can terminate rights. If Dad gets visitation he needs an iron clad court order that prevents mom from moving around and gives dad a set visitation schedule.

 

[seffysmiles]

The court date is on August 20th. My husband talked to ex and she still wants him to sign away rights to the kid. He's not sure yet which would be best for the kid but wants things done before court.

If he signs on then off BEFORE the court date can he get out of back child support?

If he decides to get visitation rights what kind of rights can he get? Can he get time to get to know her away from mom since mom has kept kid away from him for 4years?

Child has never been vaccinated, so she can not attend a public school. If he gets joint legal can he petition the court to have mom get kid vaccinated? The child goes into the hospital frequently for various colds and the last one was the flu.

Can he ask for half time for this year to create a bond since she is too little for kindergarden and can not go into pre-school?

 

[jacksgal]

Your better the cart in front of the horse! Until paternity is established nothing can happen. If Father is established (whomever it is) then support/visitation/custody can be ruled on. If the Father wants to terminate his rights Mom needs to be married and have been so for anywhere from 6 mos to one year. This will not erase any back support that might be ordered. I will add that the adoption/TPR will take quite some time and during that time support needs to be paid

 

[seffysmiles]

Lets say paternity is established. They were never married and ex kept him from the child for 4 years. He never knew an address or phone number just the state she was in because of myspace/ facebook/ so-called friends. That little girl has a half sister through my husband and me. My husband wants to know, because of the ex's mental/ physical health, and that she kept the kid from him, would he be able to get custody if he chose to fight for it? She has some sort of syndrome where she blacks out and is unresponsive, plus she was/ is in trouble with DCFS for a fight with her husband where she left her children in a running car outside while she was inside. Husband is very stable (financially and mentally). We already care for 3 girls one more won't be a problem.

 

[army judge]

You can do nothing until paternity has been established.
None of this will come to pass if he isn't the child's father.


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