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name change for step-daughter

Discussion in 'Adoption' started by angel12, Aug 25, 2020.

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  1. angel12

    angel12 Law Topic Starter New Member

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    hi , i just got married to a great lady and we have ( her daughter) a 16 yr old .Her dad(bio-dad) has made her hate him and not wanting to see him at all. She has asked a lot of times to change her name to my name so she can feel closer to me and a part of our family. She doesn't want he's last name anymore(bio-dad).please help, so we can make this dream come true.
     
  2. Zigner

    Zigner Well-Known Member

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    If DAD agrees to it, then it will be easy. If DAD doesn't agree to it, then not so much...

    I have a thought on this, though...perhaps Mom should be working with her daughter to understand that her name doesn't define her, nor does it define her family. Why in the world would she think she's not part of the family?

    I have an idea...why don't you change YOUR name to match hers?
     
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  3. Zigner

    Zigner Well-Known Member

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  4. army judge

    army judge Super Moderator

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    I second that suggestion, mate.
     
  5. zddoodah

    zddoodah Well-Known Member

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    I'm not sure what sort of "help" you envision anonymous strangers on the internet providing, but this will be next to impossible unless the child's father consents. Has your wife discussed this with the father to see if he'll consent? If not, that's the place to start, and your wife should consult with a local attorney. Note also that, once the child turns 18, this can be done easily. Also note that, if the child "feel[ing] . . . [that she is] a part of [y]our family" is at all contingent on her last name, then there may be bigger issues here.
     
  6. justblue

    justblue Well-Known Member

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    When she reaches the age of majority she can change her name to whatever she wishes. In the mean time her mother should put the child in therapy so that she can figure out why she "needs" a name change to "feel closer" to you and her family.
     
  7. adjusterjack

    adjusterjack Super Moderator

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    You cannot get her a legal name change in court without the bio-dad's written consent.

    However, you can do what my ex wife's kids did. They just started using my last name for convenience.

    It won't have any legal bearing on anybody but she can get used to identifying herself with your last name and then go to court when she's 18 and get it legally changed.

    It's not that long of a wait.
     
  8. leslie82

    leslie82 Well-Known Member

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    Some stepkids want to change their name because the stepparent is the actual parent who has raised them.

    My brother has raised his stepson since the kid was 2 years old. The sperm donor left when he was six months old. My nephew has never met him. They can't afford a lawyer for an adoption - but it appears the sperm donor agreed on a name change as my nephew has legally changed his name to my brother's last name several years ago. My nephew is now 16 and has told me he "hates" his biological "father" and never wants to meet him.

    It's understandable that a child would want to have the same last name as the parent who raised them. In my opinion and knowing people who have been in that situation.
     
  9. Zigner

    Zigner Well-Known Member

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    The child in question in this thread doesn't have that choice, so therapy would be appropriate.
     
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  10. Disabled Vet

    Disabled Vet Active Member

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    Here is the sad thing... at 6 months old the child doesn't know his butt from a hole in the ground. Sadly, This child has grown up with idiots telling him bullshit about his father. How can a 6 month old child hate his biological dad if he has never met him?? Some idiots filled his head full of ideals... that simple. I've never understood why people do that crap to a child.
     
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  11. flyingron

    flyingron Well-Known Member

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    Courts are usually reticent to issue name changes of minors for this purpose. Unless BOTH legal (not step) parents join in the request, it's likely not going anywhere.

    Oddly, my stepchildren are just as much integral to my family bearing the name of their biological father. They're both in their thirties now. They were 3 and 6 when they and their mother moved in with me. My (step) daughter changed her name... to her husband's when she got married a decade ago.
     
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  12. cbg

    cbg Super Moderator

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    The child in question is 16 years old, not six months.
     
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  13. Disabled Vet

    Disabled Vet Active Member

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    So, If he has never met the father how can he hate him? Someone has filled his head full of Bullcrap...
     
  14. cbg

    cbg Super Moderator

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    I'm not questioning your overall premise - but where does it say that the 16 year old has never met her father?
     
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  15. Disabled Vet

    Disabled Vet Active Member

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    I read leslie82 post..... My nephew is now 16 and has told me he "hates" his biological "father" and never wants to meet him.

    Sorry for the confusion.
     
  16. flyingron

    flyingron Well-Known Member

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    In two years, he's free to change his name on his own. Your state doesn't allow a minor name change without the consent of both parents except in certain situations, and the fact that the minor or custodial parent dislike the other parent isn't one of them.
     
  17. cbg

    cbg Super Moderator

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    I would once again like to refer everyone to the original post. The original poster is referring to a sixteen year old step daughter. Leslie made reference to a personal situation which involved a nephew. It really doesn't take that much effort to separate the two. It's not like the OP didn't make the age and gender of the child he was referring to clear. No, calling the child him and not her is not that big a deal. Many posters don't clarify and we have a 50/50 shot of getting it wrong. But I think the poster deserves at least enough respect to make sure we have the facts he did provide correctly.
     
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  18. leslie82

    leslie82 Well-Known Member

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    My brother nor my SIL talk about his sperm donor in front of him thank you very much. That "man" has not ONCE in 16 years tried to contact my nephew. He rarely sends child support.

    A six month old doesn't hate his sperm donor - a then 14 YEAR OLD TEENAGER said he hates his biological dad. Kids aren't stupid.

    My mom was around but not really around - my parents were married but she was running around on him from the time I was 5-18. She finally left right before I started college and we wished she had left sooner. I couldn't stand it when she was around - and I did hate her for several years in my 20s because she was a selfish bitch.

    She finally grew up in her 50s and we have a relationship now. IF that guy wants a relationship with my nephew, that's on my nephew. But now at 16 he still has no interest in meeting him. Why would he? He has a dad - my brother who has been there since he met his wife when the boy was 2 and they have a daughter together. That is my nephew's family. He doesn't know anything about any of the other kids that person has with other women. FFS that guy got taken on one of those judge shows for child support...that's how much he gets around.

    So kindly take your opinion and...you know.
     
  19. leslie82

    leslie82 Well-Known Member

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    Yes I put forth a personal story to show that there are stepchildren who willingly want to change their last name to the parent that has been the only one there for them and don't associate with the biological - whether a sperm or egg donor.
     
  20. leslie82

    leslie82 Well-Known Member

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    Because the idiot hasn't been there - as I explained. I don't know why you'd ever defend an absentee parent (male or female) who willingly chooses to have nothing to do with their child.
     

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