My sons mother sent legal document to sign over my rights, then disappeared and never went thru with

[Rodney Scrapford]

Jurisdiction

Virginia

My sons mother sent me a legal document to sign over my rights. I did sign it in front of a notary, and returned it to her. After a few months of not hearing anything back i tried contacting her. Well she moved changed her number. Her parents also moved and changed their numbers. This happened in '07... So here we are over 10 years later and she has gave North Carolina (where i live) child support enforcement her case which i owe over 60k now... I have proof and witness that she disappeared on me... Its like she got divorced but still wants child support but doesnt (hasnt since '07) want me to have any rights... Can i move to terminate my rights in Virginia??

 

[mightymoose]

The paper you signed was meaningless. Was it just a written statement?
She likely found this out and named you as the father at some point when applying for benefits.

You are responsible for the child regardless how much time is passed. You have had ten years to establish a relationship with the child and chose not to. Why are you only concerned about your rights now? Because you find out you owe money? You have owed support since the child was born.

In order to be 60k in arrears she apparently filed for support years ago and it has gone unpaid. You will have to investigate the details to learn why you are only learning of it now.

They can't take what you don't have, but they can try. Get yourself some legal counsel to sort things out. You aren't going to get anywhere with the arguments you are making here.

 

[Rodney Scrapford]

The paper you signed was meaningless. Was it just a written statement?
She likely found this out and named you as the father at some point when applying for benefits.

You are responsible for the child regardless how much time is passed. You have had ten years to establish a relationship with the child and chose not to. Why are you only concerned about your rights now? Because you find out you owe money? You have owed support since the child was born.

In order to be 60k in arrears she apparently filed for support years ago and it has gone unpaid. You will have to investigate the details to learn why you are only learning of it now.

They can't take what you don't have, but they can try. Get yourself some legal counsel to sort things out. You aren't going to get anywhere with the arguments you are making here.

We broke up when my son was 6 months old.. I started paying child support immediately after we split. 2 and a half years later i started missing my visitations here and there as i could not afford two trips to Virginia twice a month, to pick up my son and drop him back off.. Shortly after this is when she sent a LEGAL NOTARIZED DOCUMENT for me to sign over my rights which i had to also have notarized and i did.. At the time i was still paying CS.. She then got a divorce before the adoption went thru (im guessing) and instead of notifying me that the adoption was off she just disappeared... I still paid CS for years after this... I could not afford to set up court in Virginia to regain my visitations. CS is garnished out of my check when i work. But now she has turned over my case to NC where i will start going to jail if i dont pay... I feel she was just as obligated to let me know where she and my son is and uphold visitation as i was and am obligated to pay CS.. Im thinking she was embarrassed that the adoption didnt go thru and chose to disappear on me.. I found her on Facebook and sent her msgs with my phone number asking her to get ahold of me so we can setup visitation again but she absolutely would not contact me... I told her my son and i dont deserve this, nor my sons family down here. I think i get it though ... The mother of a child can do anything she wants with no consequences and my son and i am the ones hurting from her poor decisions...
I got put on probation 6 or 7 years ago and she took time to research me and get ahold of my probation officer trying to have me locked up... But could NEVER so much as call or write me... I NEVER disappeared she did!! Now it all falls back on me!!!

 

[Rodney Scrapford]

We broke up when my son was 6 months old.. I started paying child support immediately after we split. 2 and a half years later i started missing my visitations here and there as i could not afford two trips to Virginia twice a month, to pick up my son and drop him back off.. Shortly after this is when she sent a LEGAL NOTARIZED DOCUMENT for me to sign over my rights which i had to also have notarized and i did.. At the time i was still paying CS.. She then got a divorce before the adoption went thru (im guessing) and instead of notifying me that the adoption was off she just disappeared... I still paid CS for years after this... I could not afford to set up court in Virginia to regain my visitations. CS is garnished out of my check when i work. But now she has turned over my case to NC where i will start going to jail if i dont pay... I feel she was just as obligated to let me know where she and my son is and uphold visitation as i was and am obligated to pay CS.. Im thinking she was embarrassed that the adoption didnt go thru and chose to disappear on me.. I found her on Facebook and sent her msgs with my phone number asking her to get ahold of me so we can setup visitation again but she absolutely would not contact me... I told her my son and i dont deserve this, nor my sons family down here. I think i get it though ... The mother of a child can do anything she wants with no consequences and my son and i am the ones hurting from her poor decisions...
I got put on probation 6 or 7 years ago and she took time to research me and get ahold of my probation officer trying to have me locked up... But could NEVER so much as call or write me... I NEVER disappeared she did!! Now it all falls back on me!!!

The paper was not meaningless... I think you should take time to comprehend what i am writing... Ive had ten years of NOT KNOWING WHERE THEY ARE!!!

 

[mightymoose]

I started paying child support immediately after we split.

Was this court ordered child support?

Shortly after this is when she sent a LEGAL NOTARIZED DOCUMENT for me to sign over my rights which i had to also have notarized and i did.

Your signing of this document did not release you of your obligations as a parent.

She then got a divorce before the adoption went thru

Whoah.... Back up the truck.
She was married to who? Was she married when the child was born?
You didn't previously mention adoption. That sheds some light on the document you mentioned, but if no adoption took place you are still the legal parent.

I still paid CS for years after this...

Ok, so this must have been court ordered support, so there should be no surprise about arrears. You owe support until the court says you no longer owe it, regardless of your ability to pay it.

But now she has turned over my case to NC where i will start going to jail if i dont pay

If your wages are already being garnished and you aren't hoarding a bunch of cash away deliberately trying to avoid paying child support then the odds of any further action against you are slim. They can't take what you don't have and locking you up would only make things worse.

I feel she was just as obligated to let me know where she and my son is and uphold visitation as i was

True. Did you have court ordered visitation? Did you make any attempt to locate your child and enforce visitation or is it only an issue now that you know you are still responsible? You both had responsibilities, but her failure to be responsible dors not relieve you of your own.

Im thinking she was embarrassed that the adoption didnt go thru and chose to disappear on me.

Who knows what her reasons were. People are very easy to locate these days. Had you tried you could have found her easily and at little expense, if any. It sounds more like you washed your hands of the whole situation after signing that paper, although continuing to have your wages garnished for years was a pretty good clue you were still on the hook for the kid.

I found her on Facebook and sent her msgs with my phone number asking her to get ahold of me so we can setup visitation again but she absolutely would not contact me...

So she didn't really disappear. You had means to locate her. If you had court ordered visitation you could have had it enforced. If you did not have a visitation order you had the means to obtain one. She did not have to return your calls.

I think i get it though ... The mother of a child can do anything she wants with no consequences and my son and i am the ones hurting from her poor decisions...

No. You only feel this way because you have not utilized the system that is in place to ensure fair and reasonable access to your child. Plenty of mothers feel the system is unfair too.
What makes you think the child is hurting?
What poor decisions has the mother made?

I got put on probation 6 or 7 years ago...

Is this around the time she left? It is not uncommon for a parent to try and protect their child from another parent who becomes engaged in criminal activities.

Now it all falls back on me!!!

Not really. It was all there the whole time, you just may not have realized it.

If you want visitation with the child then initiate the process to obtain a visitation order from the court, or enforce the existing order (which likely would need significant modification after all this time anyway).

If you are concerned about child support then review the old court order which obligated you to pay. It is possible to have the amounts modified, but inability to pay is generally not a sufficient reason to not pay. Get another job, work more hours, budget better... these are the consequences of engaging in sexual relations, especially when not married. You aren't the first person to experience these issues and won't be the last. Nothing in your story here is unique- it is incredibly common.

 

[Rodney Scrapford]

The paper was not meaningless... I think you should take time to comprehend what i am writing... Ive had ten years of NOT KNOWING WHERE THEY ARE!!!

Was this court ordered child support?



Your signing of this document did not release you of you obligations as a parent.



Whoah.... Back up the truck.
She was married to who? Was she married when the child was born?
You didn't previously mention adoption. That sheds some light on the document you mentioned, but if no adoption took place you are still the legal parent.



Ok, so this must have been court ordered support, so there should be no surprise about arrears. You owe support until the court says you no longer owe it, regardless of your ability to pay it.



If your wages are already being garnished and you aren't hoarding a bunch of cash away deliberately trying to avoid paying child support then the odds of any further action against you are slim. They can't take what you don't have and locking you up would only make things worse.



True. Did you have court ordered visitation? Did you make any attempt to locate your child and enforce visitation or is it only an issue now that you know you are still responsible? You both had responsibilities, but he failure to be responsible for not relieve you of your own.




Who knows what her reasons were. People are very easy to locate these days. Had you tried you could have found her easily and at little expense, if any. It sounds more like you washed your hands of the whole situation after signing that paper, although continuing to have your wages garnished for years was a pretty good clue you were still on the hook for the kid.



So she didn't really disappear. You had means to locate her. If you had court ordered visitation you could have had it enforced. If you did not have a visitationl order you had the means to obtain one. She did not have to return your calls.



No. You only feel this way because you have not utilized the system that is in place to ensure fair and reasonable access to your child. Plenty of mothers feel the system is unfair too.
What makes you think the child is hurting?
What poor decisions has the mother made?



Is this around the time she left? It is not uncommon for a parent to try and protect their child from another parent who becomes engaged in criminal activities.



Not really. It was all there the whole time, you just may not have realized it.

If you want visitation with the child then initiate the process to obtain a visitation order from the court, or enforce the existing order (which likely would need significant modification after all this time anyway).

If you are concerned about child support then review the old court order which obligated you to pay. It is possible to have the amounts modified, but inability to pay is generally not a sufficient reason to not pay. Get another job, work more hours, budget better... these are the consequences of engaging in sexual relations, especially when not married. You aren't the first person to experience these issues and won't be the last. Nothing in your story here is unique- it is incredibly common.

I'll say this again... I could not afford to go to court out of state in Virginia... Yes CS and visitation was court ordered... She got married shortly after we broke up... Her husband was going to be the adoptive parent... She had every chance to respond to me and let me see my child as i was STILL paying CS when i contacted her via Facebook... If the adoption never took place she was still obligated to let me have visitation as i WAS PAYING CS at the time... No consequences for her for that?!?! Its all my fault tgouggh because i could not afford to go out of state to set up court. I didnt even know what part of Virginia she moved to... Much less where to setup court dates, even if i couldve afforded that...

 

[Rodney Scrapford]

The paper was not meaningless... I think you should take time to comprehend what i am writing... Ive had ten years of NOT KNOWING WHERE THEY ARE!!!

We broke up when my son was 6 months old.. I started paying child support immediately after we split. 2 and a half years later i started missing my visitations here and there as i could not afford two trips to Virginia twice a month, to pick up my son and drop him back off.. Shortly after this is when she sent a LEGAL NOTARIZED DOCUMENT for me to sign over my rights which i had to also have notarized and i did.. At the time i was still paying CS.. She then got a divorce before the adoption went thru (im guessing) and instead of notifying me that the adoption was off she just disappeared... I still paid CS for years after this... I could not afford to set up court in Virginia to regain my visitations. CS is garnished out of my check when i work. But now she has turned over my case to NC where i will start going to jail if i dont pay... I feel she was just as obligated to let me know where she and my son is and uphold visitation as i was and am obligated to pay CS.. Im thinking she was embarrassed that the adoption didnt go thru and chose to disappear on me.. I found her on Facebook and sent her msgs with my phone number asking her to get ahold of me so we can setup visitation again but she absolutely would not contact me... I told her my son and i dont deserve this, nor my sons family down here. I think i get it though ... The mother of a child can do anything she wants with no consequences and my son and i am the ones hurting from her poor decisions...
I got put on probation 6 or 7 years ago and she took time to research me and get ahold of my probation officer trying to have me locked up... But could NEVER so much as call or write me... I NEVER disappeared she did!! Now it all falls back on me!!!

Im no criminal.. I had an assault charge that i got put on probation for.. She obviously only wanted the CS and very obviously had NO intentions of willingly letting me see my son.. This was 4 years or so after the last time i saw my son...

 

[Rodney Scrapford]

I'll say this again... I could not afford to go to court out of state in Virginia... Yes CS and visitation was court ordered... She got married shortly after we broke up... Her husband was going to be the adoptive parent... She had every chance to respond to me and let me see my child as i was STILL paying CS when i contacted her via Facebook... If the adoption never took place she was still obligated to let me have visitation as i WAS PAYING CS at the time... No consequences for her for that?!?! Its all my fault tgouggh because i could not afford to go out of state to set up court. I didnt even know what part of Virginia she moved to... Much less where to setup court dates, even if i couldve afforded that...

One more question... Will i be able to have visitation back? As it has been so long since ive seen him? He is still my son after all...

 

[army judge]

The paper was not meaningless... I think you should take time to comprehend what i am writing... Ive had ten years of NOT KNOWING WHERE THEY ARE!!!

A notarized document would not allow a parent to relinquish his or her parental obligations.

If you and the woman weren't married, you also aren't legally the father.

Paternity testing must prove a man to be a pappy, in order for a court to order that he pay child support.

That is why a man needs to be actively engaged in the process, near or far.

Visitation has nothing to do with a child support obligation.

Unless a valid child support order is established any and all monies paid to the woman would be considered GIFTS by a court.

I suggest you discuss your dilemma with a couple lawyers in your county.

There may be some legal options available to you that could get this monkey off of your back, first and foremost would be to request a paternity test.

I advise all unmarried males to seek a paternity test before doling out any money in regard to any attempt by a woman demanding child support.

I also advise all unmarried males not to sign any document alleging to be a birth certificate until a court ordered paternity test proves that male to be the child's pappy.

 

[Rodney Scrapford]

A notarized document would not allow a parent to relinquish his or her parental obligations.

If you and the woman weren't married, you also aren't legally the father.

Paternity testing must prove a man to be a pappy, in order for a court to order that he pay child support.

That is why a man needs to be actively engaged in the process, near or far.

Visitation has nothing to do with a child support obligation.

Unless a valid child support order is established any and all monies paid to the woman would be considered GIFTS by a court.

I suggest you discuss your dilemma with a couple lawyers in your county.

There may be some legal options available to you that could get this monkey off of your back, first and foremost would be to request a paternity test.

I advise all unmarried males to seek a paternity test before doling out any money in regard to any attempt by a woman demanding child support.

I also advise all unmarried males not to sign any document alleging to be a birth certificate until a court ordered paternity test proves that male to be the child's pappy.

He looks identical to me.. Just seems there should be consequences to avoiding me while i was upholding my CS obligation for years but she was not obligated to uphold the visitations... It was up to me to go out of state and setup court to regain my (already court ordered) visitations... BTW i did sign the birth certificate and i do not contest the fact that i am his pappy...

 

[army judge]

He looks identical to me.. Just seems there should be consequences to avoiding me while i was upholding my CS obligation for years but she was not obligated to uphold the visitations... It was up to me to go out of state and setup court to regain my (already court ordered) visitations... BTW i did sign the birth certificate and i do not contest the fact that i am his pappy...

Signing a birth certificate doesn't mean you are the putative father.

But, if you wish to be the father, without the legal assurance of being the putative father, then that brings you back to child support.

The notarized document where you voluntarily relinquished your paternal rights means nothing legally.

Bottom line, your rights weren't relinquished because a court ordered you to pay child support.

Visitation is another matter.

If you wished to legally be allowed to see the child, you should have petitioned the court that held jurisdiction over the child for such visitation.

Failing to so petition, you were denied nothing.

However, your child support order was still active because you didn't appear in court to challenge it.

I advise unmarried males NOT to father children, unless they one day wish to experience what has suddenly befallen you.

If you wish to contest what you believe to be an in justice, you have to go to the state that has levied against your wages and petition to be heard.

That means you'll need a lawyer to do that with you.

Should you not wish to hire a lawyer, you're stuck with the levy.

Eventually the IRS will snatch any tax return monies you receive.

Your state drivers licensing agency might revoke your driving privileges, any state certifications you possess might also be in jeopardy, and as you posted; you could even end up in jail for not coughing up the loot.

As far as visitation, again, you must petition the court that has jurisdiction over the child to request court ordered visitation.

That will mean you'll pay to visit him, go get him and take him back, or pay his way to see you.

An internet message board is useless as regards complex legal matters, which is exactly what is confounding you, sir.

 

[Rodney Scrapford]

Signing a birth certificate doesn't mean you are the putative father.

But, if you wish to be the father, without the legal assurance of being the putative father, then that brings you back to child support.

The notarized document where you voluntarily relinquished your paternal rights means nothing legally.

Bottom line, your rights weren't relinquished because a court ordered you to pay child support.

Visitation is another matter.

If you wished to legally be allowed to see the child, you should have petitioned the court that held jurisdiction over the child for such visitation.

Failing to so petition, you were denied nothing.

However, your child support order was still active because you didn't appear in court to challenge it.

I advise unmarried males NOT to father children, unless they one day wish to experience what has suddenly befallen you.

If you wish to contest what you believe to be an in justice, you have to go to the state that has levied against your wages and petition to be heard.

That means you'll need a lawyer to do that with you.

Should you not wish to hire a lawyer, you're stuck with the levy.

Eventually the IRS will snatch any tax return monies you receive.

Your state drivers licensing agency might revoke your driving privileges, any state certifications you possess might also be in jeopardy, and as you posted; you could even end up in jail for not coughing up the loot.

As far as visitation, again, you must petition the court that has jurisdiction over the child to request court ordered visitation.

That will mean you'll pay to visit him, go get him and take him back, or pay his way to see you.

An internet message board is useless as regards complex legal matters, which is exactly what is confounding you, sir.

Thanks for your help.. North Carolina has jurisdiction over all my CS matters now... I was served with papers in which i have 20 days upon reciept to file for a hearing to contest or modify... Which i am going to do. In the meanwhile i will be seeking a court date as far as i feel i have been injusticed.. I didnt quite get if i do that in Virginia? I'm pretty sure thats where i would do that..
Youre correct as far as i got her pregnant after knowing her only 4 months.. Looking back at it all now paints a picture.. When i met her she was the girl of my dreams.. I met her while working out of town with her.. Well when we found out she was pregnant we were still out of town working. She took a preg test on lunch break and quit work right then and there.. 2 months preg no heavy lifting... Her best friend at that time had 2 kids that she recieved so much child support for that her best friend did not have to work ... So after i get her preg and even after my son was born, she did a 180 on me it was obvious (to me) that she used me to get her preg.. I mean she basically admitted it in many different ways.. She instantly changed her attitude towards me, she admitted to pretending to like things before she got preg.. And the whole thing about i sign over my rights i can contact her at that time but 3 months later i have no way to contact her (Facebook,but i cant force her to respond) and was stuck with the burden of personally persuing already court ordered visits on my own thru out of state courts.. I have returned mail (no longer this address) witness to all the phone numbers i had were changed.. Understand before we broke up we were living comfortable.. It was sudden and i had to move back in with my mother.. At that time making less money and instantly started paying CS at the same time.. I did go see my son for almost 3 years as planned.. She did me really dirty and i am not one to take people to court or even get the system involved in anything with my life.. But this whole thing to me is somewhat crazy... And i will ask for a test to determine if i am indeed the putative father.. Again thanks..

 

[mightymoose]

So you did have a court order establishing child support and visitation. That should end any question you should have about child support, although you can petition the court to have the amount modified under certain circumstances.

Visitation has nothing at all to do with child support. You are entitled to visitation even if you do not pay child support. If one parent does not abide by the visitation order it is up to the other to report the violation and use the tools the court has in place to gain compliance.You apparently never tried to have the visitation order enforced and effectively forfeited your visitation.

Yes, you can reestablish visitation with your son, but not likely with the previous order as too much time has passed without any visitation and circumstances have changed. If you go through the process you can likely obtain a new order with new terms.

 

[Rodney Scrapford]

Understand i tried to regain visitation after figuring out on my own that my rights were no longer being terminated but not thru courts.. I cant understand why she would cut all ties with me way back then but pursue CS so heavily.. Unless my assumption of her using me to get her preg is correct..
I since have two beautiful daughters (2 and 5) that i love very much and take care of best i can.. (I knew their mother over 5 years before getting preg) Her family will tell you i was great dad, just as will anyone now.. I shouldve found a way to do what i had to do a long time ago, i calim fault for that.. But jeez.. I wish she would choke on doo doo and fall off a cliff...

 

[leslie82]

We broke up when my son was 6 months old.. I started paying child support immediately after we split. 2 and a half years later i started missing my visitations here and there as i could not afford two trips to Virginia twice a month, to pick up my son and drop him back off.. Shortly after this is when she sent a LEGAL NOTARIZED DOCUMENT for me to sign over my rights which i had to also have notarized and i did.. At the time i was still paying CS.. She then got a divorce before the adoption went thru (im guessing) and instead of notifying me that the adoption was off she just disappeared... I still paid CS for years after this... I could not afford to set up court in Virginia to regain my visitations. CS is garnished out of my check when i work. But now she has turned over my case to NC where i will start going to jail if i dont pay... I feel she was just as obligated to let me know where she and my son is and uphold visitation as i was and am obligated to pay CS.. Im thinking she was embarrassed that the adoption didnt go thru and chose to disappear on me.. I found her on Facebook and sent her msgs with my phone number asking her to get ahold of me so we can setup visitation again but she absolutely would not contact me... I told her my son and i dont deserve this, nor my sons family down here. I think i get it though ... The mother of a child can do anything she wants with no consequences and my son and i am the ones hurting from her poor decisions...
I got put on probation 6 or 7 years ago and she took time to research me and get ahold of my probation officer trying to have me locked up... But could NEVER so much as call or write me... I NEVER disappeared she did!! Now it all falls back on me!!!

That is not how relinquishing parental rights works. You can't just give them up.

Was a stepparent going to adopt the child? It seems that never happened - so your rights were never relinquished. So you've been the legal father for the last 10 years.

Oh give me a break on the "The mother of a child can do anything she wants with no consequences and my son and i am the ones hurting from her poor decisions."

It does fall back on you to have verified all the things you mentioned. You've been the dad for 10 years. You owe the child support. You could have very easily taken her to court and filed for custody when she took off and you couldnt' get ahold of her.

She didn't have to write you at any point. If there's no court order on visitation for you she was well in her rights not to contact you.

I suggest you get a lawyer.

 

[leslie82]

I'll say this again... I could not afford to go to court out of state in Virginia... Yes CS and visitation was court ordered... She got married shortly after we broke up... Her husband was going to be the adoptive parent... She had every chance to respond to me and let me see my child as i was STILL paying CS when i contacted her via Facebook... If the adoption never took place she was still obligated to let me have visitation as i WAS PAYING CS at the time... No consequences for her for that?!?! Its all my fault tgouggh because i could not afford to go out of state to set up court. I didnt even know what part of Virginia she moved to... Much less where to setup court dates, even if i couldve afforded that...

If you had court ordered visitation and she denied you it - YOU were supposed to file contempt on her in court. YOU. No one else. The court can't do anything if they don't know someone is violating the court order.

Child support and visitation are separate things usually.

 

[leslie82]

Im no criminal.. I had an assault charge that i got put on probation for.. She obviously only wanted the CS and very obviously had NO intentions of willingly letting me see my son.. This was 4 years or so after the last time i saw my son...

If you were found guilty of assault and put on probation...you're a criminal.

 

[leslie82]

He looks identical to me.. Just seems there should be consequences to avoiding me while i was upholding my CS obligation for years but she was not obligated to uphold the visitations... It was up to me to go out of state and setup court to regain my (already court ordered) visitations... BTW i did sign the birth certificate and i do not contest the fact that i am his pappy...

Looks mean nothing in establishing paternity. Some kids look like mom, some like dad some like neither. That's why they do DNA tests.

 

[ElleMD]

Assault is a criminal offense.

 

[InsideSpark]

If you had court ordered visitation and she denied you it - YOU were supposed to file contempt on her in court. YOU. No one else. The court can't do anything if they don't know someone is violating the court order.

Child support and visitation are separate things usually.

This, exactly.

If you had a court order for visitation YOU could have gone through the courts to enforce visitation. If you had a child support order YOU should have kept on top of it, your paying child support has nothing to do with you seeing the child or not