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My in laws

Discussion in 'Other Family Law Matters' started by Mustapha, Sep 7, 2018.

  1. Mustapha

    Mustapha Law Topic Starter New Member

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    Jurisdiction:
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    My wife had an altercation with my mother three years ago, they have both apologized to each other and moved on but my wife hasn’t let go, she has been bitter about anything that concerns my mom.
    She says very hurtful things about her to me and insults my family any chance she gets. My mom has only come to visit us for a month and a half two times since then and she doesn’t feel comfortable in our home anymore because of my wife’s attitude and rude behaviors and angry comments.
    My wife’s parents have been in our home 5 months now and everytime they come, they stay for atleast four months. We provide for them and everything they need. They don’t pay bills and I never complain.
    Now my wife says I need to protect her and my kids from my mom, when I asked why, she said she’s not comfortable being around my mom.
    On Monday, she told me she doesn’t want my mum to come to our home anymore, I told her that can’t happen because her parents live with us for as long as they like even though I don’t exactly like it , but I let it happen because I love her and they are important to her. Should I add at this point, her parents have never liked me before and after marriage, they despise me and treat me like I’m not good enough for their daughter but I just try to mind my business as long as me and my wife are cool.
    This morning my wife sends me a text saying she spoke to her parent and two friends about her banning my mom from our home, and her parents told her she was doing the right thing.
    My reply to that was, if you want us to be alone as a family, I can get behind that, we both tell our families to stay away until we feel like they can come. But we can’t allow her family stay and continue to stay while she banns mine from coming.
    My mom is meant to arrive next week Thursday to visit for like a month and spend time with my kids but my wife says if my mom comes, she would have to get the authorities involved.
    Question, I want to know what the legal ramifications are with issues like this? Can the police stop my mom or get her out of our home while hers remain?
    Can I legally ask my inlaws to leave my house if my mom isn’t gonna have thesame right as they do?
    Thanks
     
  2. zddoodah

    zddoodah Well-Known Member

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    Your post doesn't raise any legal issues.

    The police aren't likely to intervene in what is nothing more than a marital dispute.

    You can legally ask anyone anything. I can legally ask Warren Buffet to buy my groceries for the rest of my life. You can legally ask me to drive across the country to bring you a Double-Double and fries from In-n-Out.

    What you cannot legally do is prevent your wife's parents from being in your shared home; nor can she legally prevent your parents from being there.
     
  3. txls

    txls Well-Known Member

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    You have issues that need counseling, not legal intervention. Allowing her parents to stay and not yours, are really separate issues. There is no law that says if your parents can stay, then so can mine.
     
  4. adjusterjack

    adjusterjack Super Moderator

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    One big issue. Your wife is a lunatic and you are heading for divorce like a runaway train.
     
    leslie82 likes this.
  5. leslie82

    leslie82 Well-Known Member

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    You can tell anyone you want to leave your home. If someone is trespassing in your home call the police. What "rights" are you talking about?
     
  6. adjusterjack

    adjusterjack Super Moderator

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    Except your spouse's relatives.

    It's not trespassing if your spouse invites somebody in.
     
  7. army judge

    army judge Super Moderator

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    You are free to ask anyone almost anything your mind can conjure.
     
  8. shrinkmaster

    shrinkmaster Well-Known Member

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    Your issues are not legal concerns. I do have a suggestion though. I and others here belong to a Parenting and Relationship forum hosted by this site. There you might find others who have had similar issues and find out what they did. Parent Nook Forums - Index page
     
  9. leslie82

    leslie82 Well-Known Member

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    When I was still married to my ex husband I told his mom and her husband to get out of my apartment. I'm not having that toxic crap in my home or around my daughter. He started to be a dick and then they were fighting and I said get out.
     
  10. army judge

    army judge Super Moderator

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    If your spouse does something you dislike immensely, you can leave the home.

    If that message doesn't right the wrong you incurred, D_I_V_O_R_C_E is always an option.
     
    Highwayman likes this.
  11. adjusterjack

    adjusterjack Super Moderator

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    And if they left, fine. If they didn't and your husband allowed them to stay there wouldn't have been anything you could have done about it short of divorcing your husband which you apparently did.
     
  12. leslie82

    leslie82 Well-Known Member

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    I did - because of his drug use and being a complete pos.
     
  13. ElleMD

    ElleMD Well-Known Member

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    Dude, your mother had an altercation with your WIFE. Every single thing you have posted in this description is negative about your wife, and only your wife. Your only concern seems to be that your mother is allowed to stay as long as she pleases on your dime no matter how she treated your spouse. If you can't support your wife or even say one positive thing about her, then I really wouldn't expect her family to be in love with you.

    This isn't a legal issue. Neither family has a right to stay in your home. There is no law that requires you to treat both parents the same. An altercation with the owner of the home is an excellent reason to cease such hospitality going forward.

    At the very least, you need a marriage counselor, stat. You need to figure out as a couple how to deal with the others' family and perhaps, put an end to months upon months of free hospitality. You also need to learn to support your spouse because you live with her 365 days a year and she will be with you long after your mother is gone.
     
    leslie82 likes this.
  14. shrinkmaster

    shrinkmaster Well-Known Member

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    Many may disagree with this but its been said once or twice on Parent Nook Forums - Index page When you marry you commit to each other "forsaking all others". Your parents are your past and present but not your future. Your child as well as they will eventually leave and family of their own. Only you and your spouse remain. Make your decisions or choices based on the vows you made when you married. Example many years ago I was married to a woman other than my present wife. She was NOT very nice to me or our children. I suggested counseling family and marriage we did. Not much changed if anything. My family would not invite us over because they did not want to see her. Contact was via phone or a brief contact which was mainly just me or one of the kids as an errand. I took and still do my vows serious. For better or worse etc etc. However when she broke a vow I moved to end marriage until then I honored my vows. Wrong as that may sound its what marriage is suppose to be. Divorce is too easy now and marriage jumped into too quickly.
     
  15. leslie82

    leslie82 Well-Known Member

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    Divorce is not easy. And sometimes it's better to just end a marriage. Some people shouldn't have been married to start with. Some people grow apart.

    And that forum is so dead it's ridiculous.
     
  16. shrinkmaster

    shrinkmaster Well-Known Member

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    You could help bring life to it
     
  17. Mustapha

    Mustapha Law Topic Starter New Member

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    I havnt Replied to anything anyone has said concerning this issue until now.
    I’m gonna guess you are one of those who think the only way for a marriage to work is for the man to do everything the woman asks, wether or not the man ends up being miserable or sad, it wudnt matter.
    Marriage is 50/50, no spouse should expect what they are not willing five to the other. If I can house my inlaws for 5months and counting, this is not the first time by the way, why would my wife not want my mum around?
    Secondly, should I lie that my mum was wrong in the fight they had if it was my wife that was always rude to my mum?
    Many times I cautioned her secretly, told her not to be disrespectful to my mum but she wudnt listen until my mother had to stand up for herself.
    If my wife doesn’t like my sister visiting, but would give our spare keys to her brother, would house her sisters kids for a week while mine would stay in a hotel when they are in town, I doubt my mum is the problem.
    Finally, all I spoke about was the issue at hand, which is basically housing our inlaws from both sides, that is not speaking “negatively” about my wife.
    Nothing else was mentioned, so if u already have a thing against mother in laws, I’d say handle it somewhere else and not take this personal.
    I have decided to stand up for my mum, if we can house both of her parents without them paying a dime, them my mum has a right to my home.

     
  18. zddoodah

    zddoodah Well-Known Member

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    And nothing in your follow up post changes your marital dispute into a legal issue.
     
  19. army judge

    army judge Super Moderator

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    Allow me to offer some additional food for thought.

    My wife and I have been happily married for 51 years.

    We have survived and thrived because we learned to compromise and negotiate.

    I was never enthusiastic about allowing relatives (or friends) to stay overnight in our home.

    I felt the same way when visiting relatives or friends, so I always chose to stay in a hotel.

    Our home is not a hotel.

    Our home is intended for me and my wife.

    We do allow our young grandchildren to stay overnight with us.

    The older grands will sometimes wish to spend the night with us, and we also enjoy that.

    I have worked very hard over my life, as has my spouse, to amass a tidy little fortune.

    On our ranch we built a guest house, and also have a couple trailers.
    When family visits us on our ranch, we offer them the use of one of those properties.

    In the city, we used to reimburse our children and their families when they visited.

    Today, due to much hard work, frugality, and effort; no one requires any financial assistance when visiting us.

    Our parents were never an issue.

    My "in-laws" would visit and stay in their RV.

    My parents would always stay in a hotel when visiting us.

    Sadly, both sets have passed on, and that remains a non-issue.

    The older I grow, the less tolerant I become with anyone rearranging mys stuff, or altering my routine.

    I have never imposed upon anyone once I left the home of my mother and father to make my way in this big, often cruel world.

    You and your wife would be wise to discuss this topic, and see if an accommodation can be achieved.

    My wife and I had such a discussion decades ago, and we were able to reach a mutually acceptable solution.

    If you can't work this issue out satisfactorily for both of you, resentment and recrimination will slowly infect your marriage.

    I wish you and your spouse happiness, health, and wisdom.
     
    Mustapha likes this.
  20. shrinkmaster

    shrinkmaster Well-Known Member

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    I agree upsetting any family routine can be a chore. I had to do this about 2 years ago when my Mother (now passed) came to live with us and she had Dementia. Dealing with her turned our lives upside down. I praise my wife as it was not her Mother but mine and while I was at work she had to babysit her. Telling someone something and seconds later having to repeat or several repeats is maddening.
     

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