Multiple Questions regarding divorce, PFAs and custody.

[niri]

I have a rather complex situation, and I'm wanting to see if I can at least find a little information.

A little over a year ago, I took out a PFA against my husband after he became violent. The PFA was dismissed when my husband agreed to my terms, namely attending counseling. On the PFA paperwork, it states that he agreed to go to counseling. He has failed to do so. Is there any action I can take regarding this? What can I do, even though it was dissolved a year ago, since he never met the agreed counseling?

My husband is refusing to reconcile due to what he is calling 'emotional problems'. I have been diagnosed as moderate-functioning autistic, which is the 'emotional problem' he is referring to. What effects will my being autistic, and my husbands allegations of 'emotional problems' have on efforts I make to gain full custody of my children?

My husband and I have shared custody, in the paperwork it states that the custody agreement would be reworked after I had other health problems and my 'emotional difficulties' (as it is worded on the custody agreement) taken care of. Since I am autistic, and autism is not curable or even reasonably treatable in my case, how can I best go about getting full custody? Are there any resources out there to help me? His family decided to take a month long vacation, and have taken my children. I did not agree to it in as many words, but did also not voice a loud disagreement (mostly, I was just confused). I'm trying to find how this will affect things.

 

[army judge]

I have a rather complex situation, and I'm wanting to see if I can at least find a little information.

A little over a year ago, I took out a PFA against my husband after he became violent. The PFA was dismissed when my husband agreed to my terms, namely attending counseling. On the PFA paperwork, it states that he agreed to go to counseling. He has failed to do so. Is there any action I can take regarding this? What can I do, even though it was dissolved a year ago, since he never met the agreed counseling?

He's an idiot and liar.
But, if he's no longer a threat to you, move on; just move on.
Why don't you take the counseling alone or with your kids?
All of us can learn a great deal from counseling.
I'm sure your kids are struggling, too.
Help them to get through this divorce and adjust to what will be new lives for all of you.

My husband is refusing to reconcile due to what he is calling 'emotional problems'. I have been diagnosed as moderate-functioning autistic, which is the 'emotional problem' he is referring to. What effects will my being autistic, and my husbands allegations of 'emotional problems' have on efforts I make to gain full custody of my children?

If he doesn't want you, you don't need him.
We can't make others love us, but we darn sure can love ourselves.
So, love yourself, and love your children.
He's obviously an idiot.
Just keep on working on improving and bettering yourself.
That way, you become the best mother you can be for your kids!

Your disease will play no part in determining who will make the best parent.
The only way it would ever matter is if you're dangerous to yourself, others, or your kids.
I know you're none of those things.
We all are fragile beings.
All of us have broken (or will one day break), so there is no shame in what you're going through.
Everyday you get better, and that will make you a really great mom!

My husband and I have shared custody, in the paperwork it states that the custody agreement would be reworked after I had other health problems and my 'emotional difficulties' (as it is worded on the custody agreement) taken care of. Since I am autistic, and autism is not curable or even reasonably treatable in my case, how can I best go about getting full custody? Are there any resources out there to help me? His family decided to take a month long vacation, and have taken my children. I did not agree to it in as many words, but did also not voice a loud disagreement (mostly, I was just confused). I'm trying to find how this will affect things.

You need to focus on getting better.
You should work with whatever resources are available to you in your community.
Your local mental health agency, Red Cross, Salvation Army, county health department, personal physician, or church is often a great place to start.

After you feel ready (do not rush things), then begin anew the fight for your children.
Think of it this way, suppose you were diagnosed with a disease.
This disease required you to be hospitalized for 6 months.
Wouldn't you seek the treatment that would make you better?
Of course you would.

None of us likes to be ill.
I know this isn't what you want to hear.
But, you have to get better, so you can be the best mother you can.
Your children do not deserve anything less!

Please, get started fixing YOU, then worry about your children.
You'll be heard by the court, when you believe yourself healed.

Don't beat yourself up over any of this.
You'll do just fine.
I can tell, because you're asking the right questions now!

 

[niri]

Er, the health problem that I was out of state for was actually totally unrelated to my autism. I've been in counseling for a long while for my autism. I am more concerned that my husband will try to say that I am an unfit mother because I am autistic. But thank you, nonetheless.

 

[irish223]

A little over a year ago, I took out a PFA against my husband after he became violent. The PFA was dismissed when my husband agreed to my terms, namely attending counseling. On the PFA paperwork, it states that he agreed to go to counseling. He has failed to do so. Is there any action I can take regarding this? What can I do, even though it was dissolved a year ago, since he never met the agreed counseling?

There isn't much you can do at this point. The order was dismissed or vacated. Unless he's been violent since, there's nothing to do. However, you may be able to use it in court.

My husband is refusing to reconcile due to what he is calling 'emotional problems'. I have been diagnosed as moderate-functioning autistic, which is the 'emotional problem' he is referring to. What effects will my being autistic, and my husbands allegations of 'emotional problems' have on efforts I make to gain full custody of my children?

When were you diagnosed? How old are the children? Who was the primary care-giver of the children before your separation?

My husband and I have shared custody, in the paperwork it states that the custody agreement would be reworked after I had other health problems and my 'emotional difficulties' (as it is worded on the custody agreement) taken care of. Since I am autistic, and autism is not curable or even reasonably treatable in my case, how can I best go about getting full custody? Are there any resources out there to help me? His family decided to take a month long vacation, and have taken my children. I did not agree to it in as many words, but did also not voice a loud disagreement (mostly, I was just confused). I'm trying to find how this will affect things.

Did you have an attorney? You absolutely need one. You need someone to speak on your behalf to explain what autism is and how it affects you. Clearly, you were autistic when your husband married you and made a family with you. You need an attorney to make these arguments in court.

The link below may have resources to help you, and may be able to direct you to additional resources:

http://www.delautism.org/

But most importantly, please get an attorney!

 

[army judge]

Er, the health problem that I was out of state for was actually totally unrelated to my autism. I've been in counseling for a long while for my autism. I am more concerned that my husband will try to say that I am an unfit mother because I am autistic. But thank you, nonetheless.

I've practiced law for a very, long time.
I learned that worrying about what others will do, doesn't help you.
You have to make your case.
Don't worry about what others will say.
If you're telling the truth, they're probably lying anyway.
So, build your case, and let them build their case.

I'm glad you're feeling better and doing better.
A person's disabilities can't be used against them, as long as they can be a good parent.
Parents come in all sizes, shapes, colors, and abilities.
Good parents have one thing in common, they love their kids more than themselves.

King Solomon knew that when he ordered the child cut in half, thousands of years ago.
The real mother was willing to give up the child, because she loved the child more than she did her right to possess the baby.

Work with your lawyer to preserve your parental rights.
Do what you can to just be in their lives.
Good luck.

 

[BayState]

I've practiced law for a very, long time.
I learned that worrying about what others will do, doesn't help you.
You have to make your case.
Don't worry about what others will say.
If you're telling the truth, they're probably lying anyway.
So, build your case, and let them build their case.

I'm glad you're feeling better and doing better.
A person's disabilities can't be used against them, as long as they can be a good parent.
Parents come in all sizes, shapes, colors, and abilities.
Good parents have one thing in common, they love their kids more than themselves.

King Solomon knew that when he ordered the child cut in half, thousands of years ago.
The real mother was willing to give up the child, because she loved the child more than she did her right to possess the baby.

Work with your lawyer to preserve your parental rights.
Do what you can to just be in their lives.
Good luck.

OP: Please read this members posting Hx before excepting the offered "advice".

 

[army judge]

OP, you should read the posting history of every person that offers you advice.

If I were seeking advice on the internet, I'd take it with an abundance of caution.

The Internet is filled with liars, losers, crooks, con-artists, charlatans, felons, and convicts posting from their prison cells!!!!

In fact, you might be better served to ignore any advice given on the 'net, rather than ACCEPTING it as gospel.

One way to identify liars and posers, OP, is to identify people who make correct verb choices and are able to conjugate the selected verbs appropriately.

 

[irish223]

Some of the most intelligent people I know are not the best writers. They're not liars or posers either.