Mother going back on word; where do we start?

[1stepatatime]

Ok so my husband has a daughter. Her mother and him were never married. They shared physical custody on and off until about age 6 when he went into the Navy in order to support his child.

Fast forward to six years later. Last summer she was supposed to come stay with us. We upgraded specifically to a 2 bedroom apt so she could have a room of her own. She ended up enrolling in a babysitting course and didn't come down for the summer.

Here we are in 2010 and ever since September of 2009 it's been understood that his daughter was moving down to FL where we are now. As soon as her mother started expressing that she didn't want her to come down, his daughter started expressing similar sentiments. They're all worded exactly the same way as her mother's disagreements. When we originally brought it up to her (in Sept when we saw her) she was ecstatic. All of a sudden though she doesn't want to.

They live in Illinois now but all of the original paperwork was done in Minnesota where they're both from. (She moved to IL because she couldn't live with her boyfriend's parents anymore.) Can we file a petition for modification of custody in IL? The orders were never changed/refiled over to IL and she didn't submit a request to move in writing. She has primary physical but they share legal.


My husband tried to be civil and work with her and he's getting screwed. Help? Where can we start?

 

[army judge]

Ok so my husband has a daughter. Her mother and him were never married. They shared physical custody on and off until about age 6 when he went into the Navy in order to support his child.

Fast forward to six years later. Last summer she was supposed to come stay with us. We upgraded specifically to a 2 bedroom apt so she could have a room of her own. She ended up enrolling in a babysitting course and didn't come down for the summer.

Here we are in 2010 and ever since September of 2009 it's been understood that his daughter was moving down to FL where we are now. As soon as her mother started expressing that she didn't want her to come down, his daughter started expressing similar sentiments. They're all worded exactly the same way as her mother's disagreements. When we originally brought it up to her (in Sept when we saw her) she was ecstatic. All of a sudden though she doesn't want to.

They live in Illinois now but all of the original paperwork was done in Minnesota where they're both from. (She moved to IL because she couldn't live with her boyfriend's parents anymore.) Can we file a petition for modification of custody in IL? The orders were never changed/refiled over to IL and she didn't submit a request to move in writing. She has primary physical but they share legal.


My husband tried to be civil and work with her and he's getting screwed. Help? Where can we start?

Dad needs to speak with an attorney before deciding to do anything.

From what you say, dad has some things that could work in his favor.
I don't know if Illinois has jurisdiction (or can obtain it) in this case.
Jurisdiction might still lie somewhere in Minnesota.

However, there seem to many other variables at play here.
That's why dad needs his own attorney.
Mom MIGHT have overstepped her bounds and authority.
If that is the case, it could be to dad's benefit to act quickly.

However, what's best for dad, might not be in the best interests of the child.
That's why its probably better for dad to act quickly from a tactical perspective.
But, will that best serve dad's child?

Dad has a great support network available to him in the military.
He can talk to psychologists and family counselors, while he's discussing legal options with his civilian attorney.

 

[1stepatatime]

Well right now the mother and child live with the mother's sister and HER child and his daughter doesn't have her own room. Hasn't since shortly after he went into the Navy. He really hasn't been able to do anything until recently because he was on sea duty and single.

She moved out of MN to IL when he was getting ready to deploy and didn't leave an address or phone number. Around the time he got back she moved back to MN but into a 2 bedroom trailer with her boyfriend and his parents. Again his daughter didn't have her own space. She moved his child back to IL this past November.

The mother is really struggling financially. Can't afford to live on her own, keep a phone on or buy the child clothing. When we were in VA (the move to FL is recent) he'd call when she had a working number and she'd say she didn't need anything for the child; come to find out his parents had to buy her school supplies and new clothing every year because the mother couldn't afford it.

 

[Proserpina]

Dad seriously needs an attorney.

He cannot use Mom's moving back and forth against her at this point (it's far too late) and as Mom and kiddo have been in IL since November, they are now considered legal residents of IL and Dad would need to file in IL.

However, I'm curious about one thing - on what basis is Dad going to file?

Has there actually been a change in the child's circumstance to warrant a modification in custody?

(Seeing as Mom now no longer agrees to kiddo living with Dad...)

 

[1stepatatime]

Daughter hasn't had her own room and sleeping space for several years. When she moved down to IL this time, Mom living with her sister was supposed to be temporary. He's been hearing a lot of next month I'm getting my own place. And daughter is left quite unsupervised due to Mom's work schedule. She can't afford clothing, proper afterschool care etc etc.

 

[Proserpina]

There is no law saying the child must have her own room.

Is Dad paying child support?

What exactly is the change of circumstance?

 

[1stepatatime]

It's not the child is having to share a room with another child it's that she's sharing a room and a BED with ADULTS. Not just her mother but her mother and her boyfriend.

Yes child support is paid.

He has been consistently told that these circumstances were temporary and then they're not being changed. I guess you could say the change of circumstances is that the mother has failed to change her situation.

 

[Proserpina]

So is Dad able to PROVE - to a court of law - that the 12 year old daughter sleeps in the same bed on a regular and consistent basis with both Mom AND Mom's boyfriend?

How long has this situation been going on?

 

[army judge]

It's not the child is having to share a room with another child it's that she's sharing a room and a BED with ADULTS. Not just her mother but her mother and her boyfriend.

Yes child support is paid.

He has been consistently told that these circumstances were temporary and then they're not being changed. I guess you could say the change of circumstances is that the mother has failed to change her situation.

What you desire can not be accomplished on this forum, if it can be accomplished at all.

Your help awaits in court.

If the child is in danger, or being sexually abused, contact the police or child protective services in the state where the child resides. We can only empathize with your situation. The police and/or CPS have the ability to take action.


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