My sweet mother is thousands of miles away and is home with hospice, following 2+ years of stage 4 cancer treatment. Her new husband (5 years) and she have a prenup. I have POA document. I just returned home from a visit and long to return to my mother. My sister is providing 24/7 care and amazes me every day with her enduring compassion. After consulting my other siblings, we agree that our sister will be paid the going rate for her services.
It seems that my mother's husband has been writing checks from my mother's personal and brokerage accounts for at least the past 4 weeks. The activity, itself, makes sense, as I am sure he was trying to help her accomplish tasks and I was thousands of miles away. However:
Why would he do this (write the check) the day I first arrive, when he knows that I have the POA?
Why is he being defensive and not wanting to turn over registers, documents, checks, etc.? Though I have not presssed the matter, as I am trying to keep peace for my mother's sake (of course).
Why is he telling my sister to tear up one check and writing another one (as opposed to contacting me if he had a concern)?
Why no transparency on the house/joint account? I do understand that if he chose to not pay the mortgage, there could be a bit of money in there.... but maybe he should have it. I can see that he will be left holding the 'bag'. After all, the house is not worth anything near what they owe.... And, my siblings and I have no intention of pushing a buy out of us, when we know he plans to walk away....
Most importantly, how can I focus my attention on my mom, when this mess is going on? I resent his demeanor and would like to get a clear message to him to no touch/write checks and get him to understand that I must have access to her records. But, out of compassion, I wonder if he is clinging to 'managing the house' because it is simply easier than facing the death of a spouse... Nevertheless, his rudeness and brashness is not acceptable and I am terribly troubled by all this.
Please advise!
It seems that my mother's husband has been writing checks from my mother's personal and brokerage accounts for at least the past 4 weeks. The activity, itself, makes sense, as I am sure he was trying to help her accomplish tasks and I was thousands of miles away. However:
- When I mentioned taking over the checking and bill paying, he only reluctantly gave me one pack of checks from each of her personal accounts (no access to the joint account)
- I wrote my sister a check for her services, to date and asked for her to hold it until I was able to confirm the balance. He (stepfather) told her to tear up her check and that I made a mistake, that there were insufficient funds in that account (which is not correct). He then wrote her a check from the other account. This nearly drained this account. He also failed to notify me that he had done so.
- My mother's broker asked about an unusual check written out to cash from her brokerage account for $600 (on the day I arrived in FL). I did not recall the stepfather ever mentioning the use of this account for household matters, so called him to ask if he knew anything about it. He claims that he told me he took $600. from her every 2 weeks for their joint house account (paying the mortgage, etc.), but ealier he had noted that he stopped asking her for the money once she became ill. In fact, I am aware that he had stopped paying the mortgage altogether, but was squirreling this money away in a joint account, after paying household bills.
Why would he do this (write the check) the day I first arrive, when he knows that I have the POA?
Why is he being defensive and not wanting to turn over registers, documents, checks, etc.? Though I have not presssed the matter, as I am trying to keep peace for my mother's sake (of course).
Why is he telling my sister to tear up one check and writing another one (as opposed to contacting me if he had a concern)?
Why no transparency on the house/joint account? I do understand that if he chose to not pay the mortgage, there could be a bit of money in there.... but maybe he should have it. I can see that he will be left holding the 'bag'. After all, the house is not worth anything near what they owe.... And, my siblings and I have no intention of pushing a buy out of us, when we know he plans to walk away....
Most importantly, how can I focus my attention on my mom, when this mess is going on? I resent his demeanor and would like to get a clear message to him to no touch/write checks and get him to understand that I must have access to her records. But, out of compassion, I wonder if he is clinging to 'managing the house' because it is simply easier than facing the death of a spouse... Nevertheless, his rudeness and brashness is not acceptable and I am terribly troubled by all this.
Please advise!
