Just discovered Im the father of a 4 year old...

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bananakin

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Yesterday my life took a serious change. I recieved a letter in the mail stating that I am the father of a four year old boy. I had a one time fling five years ago when I was 18 just before I left town to go to college. Since then I have finished school and started my career as a freelance artist. The child's mother just recently parted with her long-time boyfriend who has been "Dad" to the kid up until now, and now I get the letter from the court house demanding child support. Also to add to this, we are in two different states. I do not want any custody or to be a part of the child's life, I would just like to get on with my own life. I guess my real question is, am I required to pay back child support for when I did not know I had a child and he had a father figure in the house? Thanks in advance for your help and any advice is appreciated.
 
Paternity has not been established yet, however I am prepared for the worst and expecting the paternity test to show that I am indeed the father of the child.
 
I understand that I will not be required to do anything if paternity tests show that I am not the father of the child. However, if the test does show that I am the biological father, am I required by law to pay back child support for the years that I did not know that the child was indeed mine?
 
unless your ex had a child support case on you for the past 5 years that you were absent, which paternity would needed to have been established in order for that to happen, which she may have put your name on the birth certificate and thats all that the system needs to pursue child support. But unless there has been an open case on you, racking up the child support over the years, you most likely won't have to pay back support. But if you are the father, legally you will have to pay for support from here on out. I'ts too bad that you don't want to be a part of that little boys life, after all he very well may be your son. If you were to see him in person and spend a little time with that precious gift from god, I wonder if you would soften your heart and change your mind about him then? Good luck, daddy. Be a man and do the right thing. I will pray for you and your child.
 
Child Support

I understand your frustration with not knowing this child was yours or even being around him for four years. I am a woman and find what this woman did to both you and the child cruel. Think of the four year old boy finding out his daddy is not his daddy and some guy he dose not even know is his daddy. He feels just as odd as you. You and he never got a chance to know or bond so I understand you not wanting custody. The courts are biased and even if you were an involved father you would more likely not get custody.

You should if the child is yours fight for parenting time. I know you do not want it and you have not bonded with this child. However if you are the father the courts will order you to pay according to how much you make. They will only reduce this by how much time you spend with the child. It is called abatement. I hope as things are tight now with the economy you will opt for parenting time out of needing a break from the financial burden the courts can impose. Ask for the whole summer as the child will be with the mom during school time. And you live in a different state. This will give you time to bond with the child, and even if it dose not start out for the right reason's I hope it will end with a father son bond.

Also know this if you have a good job they will come after you for child support. I know many father's who are not the father yet the court orders them to pay any way as they say the child has been led to believe you are the father so you need to act as the father. This is just court talk for we know you have a job and the biological father is dead or unknown so we can not charge him child support so we will get you. I have been going through child support issues against the FOC as of 2005. I am not a lawyer but I learn well and some times the hard way.

Also when the mom finds she will have to take this child to see you every summer or what ever the courts rule as the child is young, she may feel fighting you for this is not worth her time. Also fight to have your local court take the case as this will furthur inconvience her.

However if this child is yours, remember he had nothing to do with any of this and should not pay for the fling you had a few years ago, anymore then you should pay for the fling I had in college. If you find this hard as an adult imagne how this poor guy feels, he lost his "dad" and went through a break up and now he has to go to a doctor and see if he will get a new dad one he has never met...scary. Just remember he is not now and never was the enemy even if he ends up not to be yours.

Oh and go to youtube and key word :friend of court enemy of the family
 
That is not true and many fathers have been forced to pay back child support and double if the mother ever got food stamps or medical coverage from the state they usually make the man pay back 100% of this
 
you are actually right about that. I didn't think about government help she may have gotten. If she had, then you very well might have to pay back support. as far as feeling like yo got slapped in the face with all of this, think about how much more of a slap in the face this innocent young boy recieved. Shame on his mother. As for future reference, this messege is to all men and young men out there.... if you don't ever want to experience this, then be smart and wear protection, always. Then you can know for sure. Yes, you could be required to pay back support, most likely with your income taxes. Thats what my ex has to do to pay what he owes, not to mention he has to pay for the government help that i recieved after i had a baby. But he is a very well payed individual, and it's small peas to him. You may not be as lucky. once again good luck.
 
I would like to go ahead and thank all of you for your time and support. I realize that whether or not if I am the father, there is a child in the middle of this situation that is suffering the most. I really do want to do the right thing if paternity tests show that I am the father, its just that this has hit me like a mac truck. You guys have definitely raised concerns I have about back child support, because I have the feeling the child did receive help from the government as she was a teenage mother. As I said before, I am prepared to pay future support if I am the father, but I seriously have a problem with paying back support. Is there a way to dispute paying back child support to the government? It really doesn't seem fair to find out I have an almost 5 year old boy, then be hit with a huge bill that will not benefit the child from this point forward. On top of all of this, I am self-employed and don't always receive a steady paycheck and it is difficult to predict how much I will make from year to year. Thanks again guys, I truly am trying to keep a positive light on all of this.
 
well, if you see a jugde he will make a judgement based on how much you make. I know that child support laws are different in diff. states, but i'm pretty sure that this one stands firm. I realy believe that i'ts going to matter on the situation. Contact this mother. And contact a lawyer. They are not going to take your money out of your checks to pay for any assistance, if they make you pay for past assistance, then they will most likely going to take all or some of your income taxes. But if your self employed then you might not have to worry about that, considering that you probably don't get an income tax check, you probably end up owing self employment tax.... right? I would'nt worry to much about what there going to do about the past, but i would instead focus your thoughts on exactly how your going to handle this present situation. How your going to handle the reality of possibly being the father of this little boy. If your going to be payng child support, then i can tell you that you have some rights with the boy, and my advice is going to be, that i think you should get on the good side of this mother. try to just get some information about the situatin and what going on in her head. I would'nt get angry or harrass her in any way. If you really piss her off, she just might make this situation alot harder for you, and therefore just do what she can to make you pay without letting you know anything. Its up to you to do the research and see what exactly she wants or doesnt want from you. get thefacts and don't act out on anger. I know that your confused. But i would try to contact her and get on her good side , so that you two can work this mess out. once again, good luck.
 
my husband found out he has a son, but it wasn't until he was 12! The father that raised him continues to pay child support and the mother has asked for nothing from us...mostly because she cheated us out of his childhood. We send him gifts and are prepared to pay for his college (he is 18 now), but we still wonder if she will changeher mind and want back pay. We weren't excited about finding out about him (it was on our 2nd wedding anniversary) but we went to see him...and my husband was mesmerized by how much they looked, spoke and thought alike. He is a cool kid that didn't ask for this...and has ended up filling a void in both of our lives.
 
Keri not to be rude but it would be better if you started youw own thread for your question. Otherwise others might confuse you with the original poster
 
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