WaynesWife
New Member
My jurisdiction is: Washington/Michigan
I have a very complicated situation and I'm not sure where to turn at this point. To give a little background info, my ex husband and I separated when our daughter Christy was only 5 months old & initially had joint physical custody. Later, he decided he wanted full custody and when we went to court, he won because when they weighed all of the factors, everything was equal except money. He made 4 times as much as me. We always got along well and I had Christy more than for my every other weekend visitation. After he got remarried, everything went downhill. I know that's a common story, but his wife is crazy...literally. They always included her kids in vacations, family parties, etc, but sent Christy with me so she was never included. The new wife has been jealous of my daughter from day one. She has always called her names and treated her horribly. She cut all her hair off and for years, Christy looked like a boy because it was so short. Anything she could think of to belittle my daughter, she did. She looked up bipolar disorder on the internet (because I'm bipolar) and took her to psychiatrists and said Christy had all the classic symptoms just so they'd give her meds to dope her up when she was 6 years old. She has been on Effexor, Risperdal, Trileptal, and a couple other meds. She knew all the right things to say so they'd believe her and Christy was too afraid to speak up out of fear of getting punished. She also had them believing that she was schizophrenic. Every time I spoke with one of the doctors, her dad would find a new one...of course persuaded by the step mom. No matter what I said or did, I was always made out to be the bad guy. She has also been secluded from her peers. She has never been allowed to play at a friend's house and hasn't had a birthday party at her dad's since she was 5. She's very socially immature with kids her own age because she's never been allowed to socialize. I also have pictures that I took of her legs when there were horrible bruises she said were caused by her dad's belt. I called CPS and the investigation came up "inconclusive." I was so frustrated. As far as I know, that was the only incident of physical abuse, aside from the meds she was on. All of this happened in Michigan, where the custody order was put in place.
Now, fast forward a few years. Four years ago, my current husband and I had an opportunity to move to Washington state. He had a job waiting for him and as hard of a decision as it was, we decided to move with our 2 boys in order to provide a better life for our family, including Christy. I knew her dad wouldn't let her move with us, but the plan was to get out here, establish more stability than we had in Michigan, and figure out a way to prove that they were mentally abusive to her. She has been out to visit every summer since we've been here, and also started 6th grade here in WA. But after her step mom found out that once she was here for 6 months and was legally a resident of the state, jurisdiction would switch to WA and I'd have a better chance of gaining custody, they bought her a plane ticket and threatened to say I kidnapped her if I didn't send her home. That was at the 5 1/2 month mark. Christy was devastated, but I felt helpless.
Christy is here now for the summer. She's 13 now and desperately wants to live here. As if the meds and bad treatment that I knew about before weren't bad enough, I've recently found out even more. When Christy was 6 or 7, for "punishment" everything except her bed was taken out of her room...all toys, books, other furniture, everything. Her room has stayed like that since. Her closet is locked and she is only allowed to go in there with supervision to get clothes. When she gets out of school, she has to go straight to her room and isn't allowed to come out until she leaves for school in the morning. She does not eat meals with the rest of the family. She eats them in her room. She's not even allowed to go to the bathroom. When she tried using the bathroom, they decided to lock her door from the OUTSIDE. One time she had to go so bad that she jumped out of her 2nd story window so she could go to the bathroom. She got in a ton of trouble and then her window was nailed shut too. No contact with anyone...nothing to do except sit on her bed and stare at the walls...not allowed to use the bathroom...and locked in. If there was ever a fire or an emergency, she'd be dead. AND they leave the house with her locked in there to go to the store and football games and wherever else they please. Now as if all that wasn't bad enough, at one point somehow Christy snuck a book out of her closet & hid it under her pillow so she had something to do. When the step mom found it, she took Christy's bed, blankets, and pillows away and she was forced to sleep on the wood floor in her underwear for a couple weeks in the WINTER without anything to sleep on or cover up with. The only reason they gave her bed back was because the step mom's son (who's 15 or 16) threatened to call 911 and turn them in for abuse.
There are many more things that have gone on that I am just now finding out about, but these are the worst of it. Christy told me that she not only refuses to go back there, but she's afraid she'll end up killing herself...or her step mom will kill her...if she goes back. I obviously can't let my daughter go back into a situation like that. She used to say that she wanted to live here but she was afraid of hurting her dad's feelings. Now she has realized that he hasn't cared about her feelings all along and is completely willing to tell anyone she has to tell about what has gone on in that house. I'm happy that she's not afraid to speak up anymore, but I don't know where to turn at this point. I don't know what my rights are because at this point, her dad does have sole physical custody, though we do have joint legal. Being that he's in Michigan & jurisdiction is there and I'm in Washington, where would I start? Would I contact protective services here? They can't investigate in Michigan and Christy isn't there anyways. Obviously her dad and step mom would deny all of this, however her grandmother (her dad's mom) does know about it now and is willing to testify if need be. What I'm afraid of is doing something wrong and having no choice but to send her back there. I know if she goes back after all of this being out in the open, the situation will get much more dangerous for her. I'm afraid to think of what might happen.
Also, not that this has much bearing, but every time she has been with me, I have still continued to pay my child support. I know I don't have to if she's with me for more that 7 consecutive days, but I figured it wasn't a big deal to continue paying it. I don't even want child support from him. I just want my daughter out of there for good. IF he gets to see her again, I want it to be supervised. Any advice whatsoever would be appreciated because right now, I'm scared for my daughter.
I have a very complicated situation and I'm not sure where to turn at this point. To give a little background info, my ex husband and I separated when our daughter Christy was only 5 months old & initially had joint physical custody. Later, he decided he wanted full custody and when we went to court, he won because when they weighed all of the factors, everything was equal except money. He made 4 times as much as me. We always got along well and I had Christy more than for my every other weekend visitation. After he got remarried, everything went downhill. I know that's a common story, but his wife is crazy...literally. They always included her kids in vacations, family parties, etc, but sent Christy with me so she was never included. The new wife has been jealous of my daughter from day one. She has always called her names and treated her horribly. She cut all her hair off and for years, Christy looked like a boy because it was so short. Anything she could think of to belittle my daughter, she did. She looked up bipolar disorder on the internet (because I'm bipolar) and took her to psychiatrists and said Christy had all the classic symptoms just so they'd give her meds to dope her up when she was 6 years old. She has been on Effexor, Risperdal, Trileptal, and a couple other meds. She knew all the right things to say so they'd believe her and Christy was too afraid to speak up out of fear of getting punished. She also had them believing that she was schizophrenic. Every time I spoke with one of the doctors, her dad would find a new one...of course persuaded by the step mom. No matter what I said or did, I was always made out to be the bad guy. She has also been secluded from her peers. She has never been allowed to play at a friend's house and hasn't had a birthday party at her dad's since she was 5. She's very socially immature with kids her own age because she's never been allowed to socialize. I also have pictures that I took of her legs when there were horrible bruises she said were caused by her dad's belt. I called CPS and the investigation came up "inconclusive." I was so frustrated. As far as I know, that was the only incident of physical abuse, aside from the meds she was on. All of this happened in Michigan, where the custody order was put in place.
Now, fast forward a few years. Four years ago, my current husband and I had an opportunity to move to Washington state. He had a job waiting for him and as hard of a decision as it was, we decided to move with our 2 boys in order to provide a better life for our family, including Christy. I knew her dad wouldn't let her move with us, but the plan was to get out here, establish more stability than we had in Michigan, and figure out a way to prove that they were mentally abusive to her. She has been out to visit every summer since we've been here, and also started 6th grade here in WA. But after her step mom found out that once she was here for 6 months and was legally a resident of the state, jurisdiction would switch to WA and I'd have a better chance of gaining custody, they bought her a plane ticket and threatened to say I kidnapped her if I didn't send her home. That was at the 5 1/2 month mark. Christy was devastated, but I felt helpless.
Christy is here now for the summer. She's 13 now and desperately wants to live here. As if the meds and bad treatment that I knew about before weren't bad enough, I've recently found out even more. When Christy was 6 or 7, for "punishment" everything except her bed was taken out of her room...all toys, books, other furniture, everything. Her room has stayed like that since. Her closet is locked and she is only allowed to go in there with supervision to get clothes. When she gets out of school, she has to go straight to her room and isn't allowed to come out until she leaves for school in the morning. She does not eat meals with the rest of the family. She eats them in her room. She's not even allowed to go to the bathroom. When she tried using the bathroom, they decided to lock her door from the OUTSIDE. One time she had to go so bad that she jumped out of her 2nd story window so she could go to the bathroom. She got in a ton of trouble and then her window was nailed shut too. No contact with anyone...nothing to do except sit on her bed and stare at the walls...not allowed to use the bathroom...and locked in. If there was ever a fire or an emergency, she'd be dead. AND they leave the house with her locked in there to go to the store and football games and wherever else they please. Now as if all that wasn't bad enough, at one point somehow Christy snuck a book out of her closet & hid it under her pillow so she had something to do. When the step mom found it, she took Christy's bed, blankets, and pillows away and she was forced to sleep on the wood floor in her underwear for a couple weeks in the WINTER without anything to sleep on or cover up with. The only reason they gave her bed back was because the step mom's son (who's 15 or 16) threatened to call 911 and turn them in for abuse.
There are many more things that have gone on that I am just now finding out about, but these are the worst of it. Christy told me that she not only refuses to go back there, but she's afraid she'll end up killing herself...or her step mom will kill her...if she goes back. I obviously can't let my daughter go back into a situation like that. She used to say that she wanted to live here but she was afraid of hurting her dad's feelings. Now she has realized that he hasn't cared about her feelings all along and is completely willing to tell anyone she has to tell about what has gone on in that house. I'm happy that she's not afraid to speak up anymore, but I don't know where to turn at this point. I don't know what my rights are because at this point, her dad does have sole physical custody, though we do have joint legal. Being that he's in Michigan & jurisdiction is there and I'm in Washington, where would I start? Would I contact protective services here? They can't investigate in Michigan and Christy isn't there anyways. Obviously her dad and step mom would deny all of this, however her grandmother (her dad's mom) does know about it now and is willing to testify if need be. What I'm afraid of is doing something wrong and having no choice but to send her back there. I know if she goes back after all of this being out in the open, the situation will get much more dangerous for her. I'm afraid to think of what might happen.
Also, not that this has much bearing, but every time she has been with me, I have still continued to pay my child support. I know I don't have to if she's with me for more that 7 consecutive days, but I figured it wasn't a big deal to continue paying it. I don't even want child support from him. I just want my daughter out of there for good. IF he gets to see her again, I want it to be supervised. Any advice whatsoever would be appreciated because right now, I'm scared for my daughter.
