I think we can work it out

[BrokenArrow]

I live in a no-fault state, and understand that it is easy for one person to divorce without the spouses agreement. I think that my wife isn't thinking clearly, and has a history of leaving me or threatening to leave me then coming back. I still love her and wouldn't hold this against her but now she has got an EPO on me so I can't talk to her. The only person she is talking to is her inflamatory mother who doesn't like me. I feel like her mother will drive her to complete a divorce by offering her extra help with the kids, which we have three of, yet will refuse to help her when it is final. She will not be able to afford our rent and bills then. I have always been able to calm her down in the past, and she has a long history of starting arguements and becoming combative, and this has been seen by several people. On top of this she is accusing me of hitting her. I want this to work out, could I get a judge to order couple's therapy? I think if I could talk to her she would come to her senses, we've been together for eight years and have three children together.

 

[Proserpina]

I live in a no-fault state, and understand that it is easy for one person to divorce without the spouses agreement. I think that my wife isn't thinking clearly, and has a history of leaving me or threatening to leave me then coming back. I still love her and wouldn't hold this against her but now she has got an EPO on me so I can't talk to her. The only person she is talking to is her inflamatory mother who doesn't like me. I feel like her mother will drive her to complete a divorce by offering her extra help with the kids, which we have three of, yet will refuse to help her when it is final. She will not be able to afford our rent and bills then. I have always been able to calm her down in the past, and she has a long history of starting arguements and becoming combative, and this has been seen by several people. On top of this she is accusing me of hitting her. I want this to work out, could I get a judge to order couple's therapy? I think if I could talk to her she would come to her senses, we've been together for eight years and have three children together.

If your wife is completely against reconciliation it's highly unlikely a judge will order you both to mediation or couples therapy.

 

[BrokenArrow]

Even with her record of dropping charges against me and returning to a relationship with me?

 

[Proserpina]

Even with her record of dropping charges against me and returning to a relationship with me?

Even if.

You can of course ask the court to order this - but if she's dead set against it (particularly with that restraining order), and wants to get this divorce going...it's unlikely to be ordered, as it would basically be a waste of time and money.

 

[BrokenArrow]

Will her stability as a parent and her anger issues be taken into account?

 

[Proserpina]

If your ex wants a divorce, she's going to get that divorce eventually whether or not you agree with the decision.

Are you trying to claim that she's not mentally fit to make such decisions herself?

 

[BrokenArrow]

She has a track record of making very bad decisions with no thought when she is angry. Including assaulting her parents and myself. But no. I just know her, and if she would let me talk to her I know she would change her minds, which would save time, court expense, money, and ultimately our marriage.

 

[BrokenArrow]

Shouldn't the court allow for me to discuss this with her, I have not been able to because of the bond conditions and the EPO.

 

[jharris352]

Even with her record of dropping charges against me and returning to a relationship with me?

They will actually use that against you. You have a domination over her and you intimidate her so that she never follows through with the charges.

By the way, as I re-read my post I don't mean to say that I BELIEVE that you are doing that, I'm just saying that could be read that way as well as the way you want us to see it. So don't count on that helping you.

 

[Proserpina]

Shouldn't the court allow for me to discuss this with her, I have not been able to because of the bond conditions and the EPO.

Um...no.

If she feels afraid, why on earth do you think a court would FORCE her to interact with someone she's afraid of?

Jharris makes a very important and valid point.

 

[BrokenArrow]

I understand. She dropped the prior charges of her own volition, and all I am implying is that I have learned how to calm her down. We have been together for 8 years. She even left me for almost a year and later came back, had more kids with me, and married me. I would never coerce her, I still have intimate feelings for her.

And in my opinion, she is not afraid of me, I have never attacked her and have taken much abuse from her. I think she is showboating, and I think her mother is egging her on.

 

[Proserpina]

I understand. She dropped the prior charges of her own volition, and all I am implying is that I have learned how to calm her down. We have been together for 8 years. She even left me for almost a year and later came back, had more kids with me, and married me. I would never coerce her, I still have intimate feelings for her.

And in my opinion, she is not afraid of me, I have never attacked her and have taken much abuse from her. I think she is showboating, and I think her mother is egging her on.

Here's the thing - this isn't about your opinion.

It's about how she feels at the moment and evidently, she's not overly concerned with preserving your marriage.

 

[army judge]

I understand. She dropped the prior charges of her own volition, and all I am implying is that I have learned how to calm her down. We have been together for 8 years. She even left me for almost a year and later came back, had more kids with me, and married me. I would never coerce her, I still have intimate feelings for her.

And in my opinion, she is not afraid of me, I have never attacked her and have taken much abuse from her. I think she is showboating, and I think her mother is egging her on.

Why would you want to be with someone that you continually have to convince to remain with you?

If she wants to divorce, why fight it?

Let it go, and move on with your life.

This hasn't worked in all these years, what's going to make it work now?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[BrokenArrow]

I understand that she has a right to choose for herself whether she wants to be married or not. My concern is that there is an underlying mental condition, such as a personality disorder (which she has), which is causing her to make decisions that she would otherwise not make. Mental illness and accountability are taken into account in all other cases. What if I believe that she is not acting of her full conscious will?

 

[Proserpina]

I understand that she has a right to choose for herself whether she wants to be married or not. My concern is that there is an underlying mental condition, such as a personality disorder (which she has), which is causing her to make decisions that she would otherwise not make. Mental illness and accountability are taken into account in all other cases. What if I believe that she is not acting of her full conscious will?

So you are alleging that she is not mentally competent enough to make these important decisions?

You need to be EXTREMELY careful if you want to go down this path because it may well backfire on you. Has she actually been clinically diagnosed? And with what? Is she being treated?

 

[BrokenArrow]

She has not been diagnosed, she has been violently opposed to seeking any help from a proffessional. On one incident the cops had to be called to calm her down when she became violent towards myself and her parents, even they said that it was their opinion that she should seek psychological evaluation and help. Are you saying that as long as someone refuses to get themselves diagnosed that they can never be accused of having problems? Either way I understand the fact that this relationship is more than likely over, I just want to know that I have tried everything I can to protect my family, as a whole. And I truely feel that when she starts acting like this, she is not able to control her actions relating to what starts it. She has threatened to leave me over broken eggs, cold food, no reason whatsoever, not being able to find babysitters, and disagreeing with her, I don't feel she can control herself.

And one more question, she has made the comment to me several times that she hates our children,doesn't want them, and has even threatened to leave them with me and just run leave forever, one time in front of her parents. Would this help me in the custody battle if she decides to continue being vindictive?

 

[Proserpina]

She has not been diagnosed, she has been violently opposed to seeking any help from a proffessional. On one incident the cops had to be called to calm her down when she became violent towards myself and her parents, even they said that it was their opinion that she should seek psychological evaluation and help.

I'm guessing the police were simply not qualified to make such a suggestion.

Have you thought long and deep about what may be causing her anger issues?

Are you saying that as long as someone refuses to get themselves diagnosed that they can never be accused of having problems?

Oh, you can certainly make accusations. But you must understand that not only are such accusations incredibly common in custody/divorce disputes, but that there must be some foundation - proof - before they will become an important issue. Additionally, a personality disorder or other mental health diagnosis is NOT necessarily going to impact custody.

Either way I understand the fact that this relationship is more than likely over, I just want to know that I have tried everything I can to protect my family, as a whole. And I truely feel that when she starts acting like this, she is not able to control her actions relating to what starts it. She has threatened to leave me over broken eggs, cold food, no reason whatsoever, not being able to find babysitters, and disagreeing with her, I don't feel she can control herself.

None of this even comes close to being designated incompetent. She - quite simply - may just not want to be with you any more, and being with you is frustrating her to the point where she's overreacting.

And one more question, she has made the comment to me several times that she hates our children,doesn't want them, and has even threatened to leave them with me and just run leave forever, one time in front of her parents. Would this help me in the custody battle if she decides to continue being vindictive?

Again, her parents are not necessarily going to be considered credible witnesses, and without proof yourself, it's hardly likely to become an issue.