I have a 4 yr old child

[mornenstar]

I have a 4 yr old child whom i have been caring for since birth. Her father is in the military and lives in california with his wife and 2nd child. Iam the custodial parent and he pays me child support. he is the non-custodial parent. We were never married we just have a child together and he is asking me to let her visit with him in california for the summer. I live in north carolina and im concerned of what will happen if he decides to keep her and not return her home. Can he do that, being that we never went to court for custody but he does pay court ordered child support, and i have just had her from birth?I have heard horror stories of the other parent taking the child and it being nothing the custodial parent can do. Im nervous to let her go.

 

[dyanna_williams]

yes he can basicly, with no court order in place and legal custody not established
he could pick her up from her day care where u live and take possesion of her without recourse.

as far as never being married (doesnt matter)
he pays child support (so paternaty has been established)
its not considered kidnapping for a parent either u or him to have youre child at any time
unless its stated different in a court order (which i suggest u get going on )
u both have equal rights to this minor....

i suggest u contact a laywer,

people always confuse the fact that there the parent with possesion as meaning legal custody , and that is not the case.

 

[Cabaraoke]

No, single fathers have no parental rights to a illegitimate child, regardless of the circumstances, in any state except Arizona. It's a glass ceiling this, except the fathers are standing in the subbasement with no stairs to climb, so he can't take the child, though with the high rate of false allegations made by mothers, the police are far less likely to take your word for it. I have 21 years experience of teaching single fathers how to get their rights established, so you need to come to some type of agreement with him as I will be teaching him what to do. You don't need to hire an attorney and fight it out in court. All of this can be handled using a Certified Mediator, which is an attorney or paralegal with additional specialized training. Each of you MUST pay half the fees. It cannot be paid by one of you, including him giving you the money to pay your half.

 

[Proserpina]

yes he can basicly, with no court order in place and legal custody not established
he could pick her up from her day care where u live and take possesion of her without recourse.

as far as never being married (doesnt matter)
he pays child support (so paternaty has been established)
its not considered kidnapping for a parent either u or him to have youre child at any time
unless its stated different in a court order (which i suggest u get going on )
u both have equal rights to this minor....

i suggest u contact a laywer,

people always confuse the fact that there the parent with possesion as meaning legal custody , and that is not the case.

WHOA THERE!!!!!

This is absolutely NOT correct.

Because Mom & Dad weren't married, Mom IS the sole custodian - Dad must file in court to establish custodial rights! He CANNOT just walk into daycare, take her without permission and keep her.

Though it's true that both parents have equal rights, Dad has to go to court to establish his.

 

[Proserpina]

No, single fathers have no parental rights to a illegitimate child, regardless of the circumstances, in any state except Arizona. It's a glass ceiling this, except the fathers are standing in the subbasement with no stairs to climb, so he can't take the child, though with the high rate of false allegations made by mothers, the police are far less likely to take your word for it. I have 21 years experience of teaching single fathers how to get their rights established, so you need to come to some type of agreement with him as I will be teaching him what to do. You don't need to hire an attorney and fight it out in court. All of this can be handled using a Certified Mediator, which is an attorney or paralegal with additional specialized training. Each of you MUST pay half the fees. It cannot be paid by one of you, including him giving you the money to pay your half.

Cab, sometimes the court will order only one party to bear the cost of an independent mediator

 

[mornenstar]

So even tho he is her father biologically and according to the court and pays support he cant take her? So if i send her to california and let them visit for the summer and he does not return her what can i do?

 

[Proserpina]

So even tho he is her father biologically and according to the court and pays support he cant take her? So if i send her to california and let them visit for the summer and he does not return her what can i do?

What you need to do is file - first thing Monday - to establish custody and visitation.

At this point, you're under no obligation to send your child with him unless there's a court order, and unless Dad has established custody he cannot take her.

 

[mornenstar]

What you need to do is file - first thing Monday - to establish custody and visitation.

At this point, you're under no obligation to send your child with him unless there's a court order, and unless Dad has established custody he cannot take her.

O.K im a lil confused, so you saying as of now, without custody and visitation being established he can take her, and that i need to get this established before i let her go visit him so he cannot keep her right?

 

[dyanna_williams]

read her post guys she is stating that child support and paternaty have been established threw the courts. what she is stating is that no visitation order is in effect or custody agrement, ( this mans rights are already in effect for this child )

i dont know what there talking about but let me explain what happened to me and draw youre conclusions from it

i have a 11yr old child out of weblock, child support was established, no court ordered visitation in effect , we as parents would just do that ourselves , and it worked for a while.

UNTILL ONE DAY HE DIDNT BRING HER HOME
frantic i called and called and called (no answer)
i called his parents and his mother informed me he wouldnt listen to her and was refusing to return the child
i informed her i was comming with cops to get her
i arrived with the cops and was told
and i quote (he has just as many rights to this minor as u do )
he can take her from u in a park, the zoo, city hall ect
u can take her back and continue to have weekly custodial kidnappings as long as u like
THIS IS A CIVIL MATTER AND WE WILL NOT INTERSEED ON EITHERS BEHALF UNLESS
THE MINOR CHILD IS IN DANGER OR BEING ABUSED.

as soon as child support is established and u accept it paternity is determined......
MARRIED OR NOT...

(in my case he changed his mind the next day and returned her i immediatly filled for custody and set up court ordered visitation and havent had a issue since )

remember any of the advice u recieve on this site is not set in stone legal advice

like i said earlier contact a laywer and do this threw the courts (take no chances with your child )

 

[Cabaraoke]

Note that Arizona is the one exception to this. In 1997, I worked with a single father who took his child home from the hospital. Raised all kinds of hell, but it was legal.

 

[Proserpina]

read her post guys she is stating that child support and paternaty have been established threw the courts. what she is stating is that no visitation order is in effect or custody agrement, ( this mans rights are already in effect for this child )

But custody, has not been established. This means that Daddio CANNOT just stroll on in and take the child. He has NOT established custodial rights. Paternity and custody are NOT the same thing, and paternity does NOT automatically confer equal custodial rights - ie, the same rights to the child - UNLESS THE COUPLE IS MARRIED.

i dont know what there talking about but let me explain what happened to me and draw youre conclusions from it

i have a 11yr old child out of weblock, child support was established, no court ordered visitation in effect , we as parents would just do that ourselves , and it worked for a while.

UNTILL ONE DAY HE DIDNT BRING HER HOME
frantic i called and called and called (no answer)
i called his parents and his mother informed me he wouldnt listen to her and was refusing to return the child
i informed her i was comming with cops to get her
i arrived with the cops and was told
and i quote (he has just as many rights to this minor as u do )
he can take her from u in a park, the zoo, city hall ect
u can take her back and continue to have weekly custodial kidnappings as long as u like
THIS IS A CIVIL MATTER AND WE WILL NOT INTERSEED ON EITHERS BEHALF UNLESS
THE MINOR CHILD IS IN DANGER OR BEING ABUSED.

as soon as child support is established and u accept it paternity is determined......
MARRIED OR NOT...

(in my case he changed his mind the next day and returned her i immediatly filled for custody and set up court ordered visitation and havent had a issue since )

remember any of the advice u recieve on this site is not set in stone legal advice

like i said earlier contact a laywer and do this threw the courts (take no chances with your child )

So basically you took what the cop said as true?

Well, I guess the moral of the story is a) the cop was dead wrong, and b) get your legal advice from people who know of what they speak.

But hey. Don't take my word for it. Pay an attorney to tell you the exact same thing

*All of this excludes Arizona and, in some instances, Ohio.

 

[Duranie]

Dad lives in a different state and lots of kids go out of state for visits. Unless you have a court order for visits, you do not have to send her. Dad can take you to court though and force the issue.

 

[Proserpina]

O.K im a lil confused, so you saying as of now, without custody and visitation being established he can take her, and that i need to get this established before i let her go visit him so he cannot keep her right?

No - because custody and visitation have not been established, he CANNOT just pick her up and take her.