Dear,
It troubles me to have to even write this letter to you. I am a parent left with no other options and no one to help. You read or hear on the news how children will take weapons to school and harm other children. I always here on the news warning signs or "red flags" to look for. I do have a fifteen year old son that does have some mental problems. I am referring to them as "mental problems" for now and after reading this you will understand why. I was trying to be a responsible parent by seeing these red flags that my own son has displayed since he was just a little boy at age three. I did seek help immediately when I did realize that my son was different than other children his age. With his age at the time, being that he was only three years old, he did not receive very much help. They would lock him in 30 day mental health treatment facilities and just throw him on whatever medication they decided was popular at the time. Now I do not have a problem with medication however, when prescribing a medication I do truly believe that a diagnosis is first necessary. He would have doctors that would only read his file and look over it for maybe 10minutes and then diagnose him without even meeting him. As a mother this is frustrating and heartbreaking at the same time. This was just the start of things for my son and my family. My son Christian has been in and out of placements from the time he was 5 years old until recently which he is 15 years old now. As a mother I hope that no other parent will have to go through what my family and I did. I could take up hundreds of pages if I were to get into all of the events and occurrences that took place over the last ten years. I will share one out of hundreds just so you have an idea of the seriousness of this. In 2010, after my husband was retired from the Army my family and I moved to Appleton, Wisconsin. This was at least the 3rd or 4th time that re-integration with the family was attempted. It was in the summer of 2010 when my daughter, husband, and I went 2 blocks away to pick up a lawnmower to mow the grass. We did leave to go and get it leaving my son and our family pet "buddy" who was a shiatsu. Upon returning home my daughter and husband were outside messing with the lawnmower getting ready to do the yard work. I walked into the house and it looked like a gruesome scene you would see in a movie. There was blood all over the carpet and all over my brick wall. My son was in his room and I immediately after seeing he was fine looked for the dog. The dog was cowering in the corner at the brink of death covered in blood as his jaw was smashed and torn so bad that it was hanging off of his face. I knew immediately that my son had done something. It was just a sick feeling that I had in my stomach. After seeing all of that, I am still not the same person today because of this. I was angry and sad and just really at the brink of a nervous breakdown. I called the local police in Appleton. Who do you call when something like this happens? I just knew someone had to help my son. He was brought into the emergency room and they did a mental health evaluation and then kept him due to his mental health. We went to court and he was put under a chapter 51 which is for mental health. He was sent to a residential treatment facility near Oshkosh. He stayed there for about 3 weeks and then he was around other smaller children whom he would beat up, pick on, etc,. They could not keep him here due to others safety. The state of Wisconsin's solution was to put him into juvenile detention which he spent nearly 5 months there until they could get him into a mental health facility. In the residential treatment facility he was at before that they had put him on a medication called risperdal, which he was given while in Kansas and it had caused my son to gain almost 75 pounds in just 3 weeks. I was furious and there was nothing that I could do about it. The state of Wisconsin had told us we had NOT lost our parental rights but yet we had no say in medication or the care of treatment he had. Well they put him on that but while in juvenile detention he was not able to see mental health professionals so he would get his medication when they had it. He would go a week receiving it and then a week not and so forth. I did not agree with the medication in the first place but from my understanding of psychotropic medications that is not supposed to be done due to side effects. Is my son just a guinea pig for them is the question I found asking myself all of the time. Finally, I did receive a call letting me know that my son was being transferred to Lincoln Hills Boys Correctional Facility. They did transfer him from there to Mendota Mental Health under the correctional facility. Now I understand that my son needed treatment that I could not provide. As a parent I think it is my right to be able to communicate with my son. I will tell you something else, adult prisoners have more rights than a locked up child. I would go several months sometimes not even able to have a phone call with my son. His phone calls were based on behaviors so he did not get very many. In the several years he was there I could count on both hands the number of phone calls that my son was allowed to make to me. You can not just call these places either to speak to your son or even for general information about how they are doing. This is my son and I have no right as a parent to even speak with him to make sure he is doing okay? He spent most of his time in solitary confinement which is locked down for nearly all of his day. Just please for a moment try to imagine that this is you and your family. Imagine as a mother not knowing if your child is even safe when you go to sleep. Imagine seeing your child at the foot of your bed with a knife ready to kill you as you sleep. This is just one of many things I have had to try to understand as a parent and try to rationalize it in my head or even understand why he behaves like this. I have spent many nights just lying awake crying myself to sleep as my heart breaks for my son and the path I see him headed on. I have had several trips myself to mental health facilities. This has destroyed my family beyond comprehension. Now I do have my son home and am hopeful, as a mother I will never give up hope. He has a wonderful therapist and a wonderful staff at his school. Things are finally looking up for my family so I thought. My husband and I did pay the state of Wisconsin child support, but I guess when married they have both parents pay support. Well I know that I need to support my son but they have collected almost 6 figures just in tricare insurance, which is through my husband, social security supplement for him, child support, and whatever else funds the state receives for a child in care. I do feel that I have been a victim and will not pay for the type of care that my son received. I will not pay to have you keep me from speaking to my child, putting him on medications for diagnosis that he does not have. I am living in Missouri now and Wisconsin will not even change the case to where I live. I am a homemaker taking care of my disabled son and disabled veteran husband. I do not have an income so I would qualify for legal aide. Now here is where it gets tricky, because I live in Missouri legal aide in Wisconsin will not help because I no longer reside there and Missouri legal aide will not help because it is in Wisconsin. I can not afford an attorney and I did tell the court this and I was told "not my problem," I asked for a change of venue and was told no because it would cost more money than the $1100 I owed to the state for child support. I have another court date on February 20, 2013 which I will probably go and sit in jail but I will gladly do it because what the state is doing is wrong!!! Now I am threatened with contempt of court and also a warrant and jail time for not paying. I do have a disabled husband. He was medically retired from the military in 2010 after his deployment to Iraq. I do stay home with him and also my son. He is not able to work at this time. I explained the situation to the child support agency and the court and was then ordered to do a job search.
I was a victim and went to the police for help and this how I am treated. I know that I can not be the only parent out there that has a child like this. There needs to be laws in place so that when parents do call police or other local agencies for help with their child they are not treated like criminals for doing so. I wonder how many tragic crimes that happen when children are involved in the crime that could have been prevented with proper mental health and a fair court system. It embarrasses me to have to even make my life so public but I felt I am left with no other choice. I would like to see some changes made on how we are handling mental health and our youth. I was and am a victim of this particular incident but also the parent of the child. I feel as though I were a criminal or that is the way that the State of Wisconsin is making it seem. I just want to prevent this from happening to some other family. Thank you for taking the time to read my story.
Sincerely,
A Person With A Concern
000 E 000th Street
Anytown, MO XXXXX
123-456-7890
(EDITED TO PROTECT THE POSTER'S PRIVACY)
The internet is filled with many evil and dangerous people. Please, be careful.
It troubles me to have to even write this letter to you. I am a parent left with no other options and no one to help. You read or hear on the news how children will take weapons to school and harm other children. I always here on the news warning signs or "red flags" to look for. I do have a fifteen year old son that does have some mental problems. I am referring to them as "mental problems" for now and after reading this you will understand why. I was trying to be a responsible parent by seeing these red flags that my own son has displayed since he was just a little boy at age three. I did seek help immediately when I did realize that my son was different than other children his age. With his age at the time, being that he was only three years old, he did not receive very much help. They would lock him in 30 day mental health treatment facilities and just throw him on whatever medication they decided was popular at the time. Now I do not have a problem with medication however, when prescribing a medication I do truly believe that a diagnosis is first necessary. He would have doctors that would only read his file and look over it for maybe 10minutes and then diagnose him without even meeting him. As a mother this is frustrating and heartbreaking at the same time. This was just the start of things for my son and my family. My son Christian has been in and out of placements from the time he was 5 years old until recently which he is 15 years old now. As a mother I hope that no other parent will have to go through what my family and I did. I could take up hundreds of pages if I were to get into all of the events and occurrences that took place over the last ten years. I will share one out of hundreds just so you have an idea of the seriousness of this. In 2010, after my husband was retired from the Army my family and I moved to Appleton, Wisconsin. This was at least the 3rd or 4th time that re-integration with the family was attempted. It was in the summer of 2010 when my daughter, husband, and I went 2 blocks away to pick up a lawnmower to mow the grass. We did leave to go and get it leaving my son and our family pet "buddy" who was a shiatsu. Upon returning home my daughter and husband were outside messing with the lawnmower getting ready to do the yard work. I walked into the house and it looked like a gruesome scene you would see in a movie. There was blood all over the carpet and all over my brick wall. My son was in his room and I immediately after seeing he was fine looked for the dog. The dog was cowering in the corner at the brink of death covered in blood as his jaw was smashed and torn so bad that it was hanging off of his face. I knew immediately that my son had done something. It was just a sick feeling that I had in my stomach. After seeing all of that, I am still not the same person today because of this. I was angry and sad and just really at the brink of a nervous breakdown. I called the local police in Appleton. Who do you call when something like this happens? I just knew someone had to help my son. He was brought into the emergency room and they did a mental health evaluation and then kept him due to his mental health. We went to court and he was put under a chapter 51 which is for mental health. He was sent to a residential treatment facility near Oshkosh. He stayed there for about 3 weeks and then he was around other smaller children whom he would beat up, pick on, etc,. They could not keep him here due to others safety. The state of Wisconsin's solution was to put him into juvenile detention which he spent nearly 5 months there until they could get him into a mental health facility. In the residential treatment facility he was at before that they had put him on a medication called risperdal, which he was given while in Kansas and it had caused my son to gain almost 75 pounds in just 3 weeks. I was furious and there was nothing that I could do about it. The state of Wisconsin had told us we had NOT lost our parental rights but yet we had no say in medication or the care of treatment he had. Well they put him on that but while in juvenile detention he was not able to see mental health professionals so he would get his medication when they had it. He would go a week receiving it and then a week not and so forth. I did not agree with the medication in the first place but from my understanding of psychotropic medications that is not supposed to be done due to side effects. Is my son just a guinea pig for them is the question I found asking myself all of the time. Finally, I did receive a call letting me know that my son was being transferred to Lincoln Hills Boys Correctional Facility. They did transfer him from there to Mendota Mental Health under the correctional facility. Now I understand that my son needed treatment that I could not provide. As a parent I think it is my right to be able to communicate with my son. I will tell you something else, adult prisoners have more rights than a locked up child. I would go several months sometimes not even able to have a phone call with my son. His phone calls were based on behaviors so he did not get very many. In the several years he was there I could count on both hands the number of phone calls that my son was allowed to make to me. You can not just call these places either to speak to your son or even for general information about how they are doing. This is my son and I have no right as a parent to even speak with him to make sure he is doing okay? He spent most of his time in solitary confinement which is locked down for nearly all of his day. Just please for a moment try to imagine that this is you and your family. Imagine as a mother not knowing if your child is even safe when you go to sleep. Imagine seeing your child at the foot of your bed with a knife ready to kill you as you sleep. This is just one of many things I have had to try to understand as a parent and try to rationalize it in my head or even understand why he behaves like this. I have spent many nights just lying awake crying myself to sleep as my heart breaks for my son and the path I see him headed on. I have had several trips myself to mental health facilities. This has destroyed my family beyond comprehension. Now I do have my son home and am hopeful, as a mother I will never give up hope. He has a wonderful therapist and a wonderful staff at his school. Things are finally looking up for my family so I thought. My husband and I did pay the state of Wisconsin child support, but I guess when married they have both parents pay support. Well I know that I need to support my son but they have collected almost 6 figures just in tricare insurance, which is through my husband, social security supplement for him, child support, and whatever else funds the state receives for a child in care. I do feel that I have been a victim and will not pay for the type of care that my son received. I will not pay to have you keep me from speaking to my child, putting him on medications for diagnosis that he does not have. I am living in Missouri now and Wisconsin will not even change the case to where I live. I am a homemaker taking care of my disabled son and disabled veteran husband. I do not have an income so I would qualify for legal aide. Now here is where it gets tricky, because I live in Missouri legal aide in Wisconsin will not help because I no longer reside there and Missouri legal aide will not help because it is in Wisconsin. I can not afford an attorney and I did tell the court this and I was told "not my problem," I asked for a change of venue and was told no because it would cost more money than the $1100 I owed to the state for child support. I have another court date on February 20, 2013 which I will probably go and sit in jail but I will gladly do it because what the state is doing is wrong!!! Now I am threatened with contempt of court and also a warrant and jail time for not paying. I do have a disabled husband. He was medically retired from the military in 2010 after his deployment to Iraq. I do stay home with him and also my son. He is not able to work at this time. I explained the situation to the child support agency and the court and was then ordered to do a job search.
I was a victim and went to the police for help and this how I am treated. I know that I can not be the only parent out there that has a child like this. There needs to be laws in place so that when parents do call police or other local agencies for help with their child they are not treated like criminals for doing so. I wonder how many tragic crimes that happen when children are involved in the crime that could have been prevented with proper mental health and a fair court system. It embarrasses me to have to even make my life so public but I felt I am left with no other choice. I would like to see some changes made on how we are handling mental health and our youth. I was and am a victim of this particular incident but also the parent of the child. I feel as though I were a criminal or that is the way that the State of Wisconsin is making it seem. I just want to prevent this from happening to some other family. Thank you for taking the time to read my story.
Sincerely,
A Person With A Concern
000 E 000th Street
Anytown, MO XXXXX
123-456-7890
(EDITED TO PROTECT THE POSTER'S PRIVACY)
The internet is filled with many evil and dangerous people. Please, be careful.
Last edited by a moderator: