help..

[confused34465]

i AM A SINGLE MOTHER OF TWO KIDS 4 AND 5 I HAVENT BEEN WITH THE FATHER SINCE IVE HAD THEM .. HE IS COURT ORDERED TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT .. HE HAS TAKEN THE KIDS A FEW TIMES TO HIS FAMILIES HOUSE AND WHEN MY KIDS COME HOME THEY TELL ME ABOUT SOMEONE MISS TREATING THEM .USUALLY ONE OF HIS GIRLFRIENDS.. I WANT NOTHING MORE THAN MY KIDS TOO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH THEIR DAD BUT I WILL NOT TOLERATE PPL MISS TREATING MY KIDS, HE CALLS MY HOUSE AND CURSES ME OUT LATE AT NITE HE SHOWS UP AND WANTS TO VISIT WITH THE KIDS ..WHAT BOTHERS ME THE MOST IS HE TALKS BAD ABOUT ME TOO MY KIDS ... I WANT TOO KNOW AM I GETTING MYSELF IN TROUBLE BY NOT LETTING HIM TAKE THE KIDS WHEN HE WANTS TOO ?? HE SAYS ITS BECAUSE HE HASNT PAID SUPPORT BUT THATS NOT IT . IVE TAKEN THEM TOO HIM AND HAVENT ASKED FOR ANYTHING .. HES BEEN IN AND OUT OF JAIL DOESNT HAVE A PLACE OF HIS OWN AND I JUST DONT FEEL MY KIDS ARE SAFE WITH HIM .. HE SAID HES GONNA HAVE TOO GET NASTY IF I WONT LET HIM TAKE THE KIDS.. BUT IM SCARED HE WONT RETURN THEM OR SOMEONE WILL MISSTREAT THEM ...........PLS HELP....

 

[irish223]

You did not say whether or not he was given court-ordered visitation. If so, then you will be in contempt if you refuse his visitation. In some cases, persistent denial of visitation has resulted in a change in custody.

You also do not say how the children are mistreated. If someone is physically or sexually abusive to them, then you should report it.

If the father does not have a place he calls home, then you could try for a modification of visitation; that is, assuming that he had a place when the order was established. (BTW-Home CAN be a girlfriend's place if that's where he regularly lives.)


ETA: Please don't type in all caps. It's hard to read, and is also considered yelling. (I hope you weren't yelling !)

 

[ohiogranny]

If there are no court orders for parenting time, one of you should file for them.
Submit a plan that outlines the times he can have the kids, who picks up/drops off and where, etc.
There are sample plans on www.deltabravo.net or you can look at your local rules and ask that they be used if they suit you.

Having set times and days makes for less conflict, as long as you abide by them. He doesn't have to exercise his time but you have to make the kids available.

You should know that as long as the kids are safe, you will have no say about where he has them or who he has them around. If he fails to return the kids, he will be in trouble for denying you your time.

At present, without custody/visitation established, you have custody since you weren't married and can say when he sees them. But he is the legal father (since CS was ordered) and has the right to file for parenting time, and it will look better for you if you encourage his relationship with them.

Make sure he knows that parenting time and CS are totally separate. He can pay and choose not to see them, or he can not pay and still have the right to see them.

If you have real concerns about his living conditions (or lack thereof), that can be addressed in court. Why was he in jail? If he is truly harrassing you, get a restraining order. It may not prevent him from seeing the kids once he has court-ordered time if he is only restrained from bothering you. Exchanges could be made at the police station or by a third party.

 

[confused34465]

Ok sorry about the all caps...hes been in jail for domestic violence and drugs, and the court order i have is for child support , i have tried to get him too spend time with the kids but he wants to do it when he has the time which is not always good for me , he doesnt help me as far as child care goes my family does , he call s when its convient for him , and like i said when he does call hes talking trash about me too my children .. ive been more nice too him , but im just afraid that he will not bring them back . hes made promises too my kids on days that he would pick them up like christmas day and came up with some excuse not too .. my kids dont want to go or be around him ?????????? so am i just supposed too make them go ???

 

[irish223]

If there is no order for visitation, then you are under no obligation to allow it. He can file a motion for visitation if he chooses. As Ohio Granny said, fostering the relationship with father will be to your benefit in court, but you cannot be required to at this time. On the other hand, he is their father. He and the children are entitled to a relationship with each other.

he doesnt help me as far as child care goes my family does ,

If you are asking him to watch the children, then it will be interpreted to mean that you trust him with the children.

when he does call hes talking trash about me too my children

DO NOT ask your kids about his conversations with them; but, if they volunteer what he says, write it down. Keep a journal.

hes been in jail for domestic violence and drugs

If he files for visitation, then....
If the domestic violence was due to violence against your children, then his visitation will be limited if he asks for it. You could also request that he submit to drug tests.

 

[confused34465]

No i dont ask him for anything .. but you would think they are his kids too he would offer ...i didnt ask them anything i could tell by my 4 yr olds face he said something wrong so i just made her hang up the phone..he had domestic violence with one of his girlfriends..not with my kids , i basically just want too make sure im not getting myself in trouble with the vistitation...just like fathers day hadnt heard from him since he was cursing me out left a message on my cell phone calling me all types of things . he calls on fathers day about 10:30 and wants too pick the kids up for a few hours , i told him we already had plans he then called me a bi*** and i told my daughter too hang up ....i did look thru all my court papers i have and it says nothing in there about visitation .. he doesnt have the money too get a lawyer . he wants too be a daddy when its convient for him and just like ive told him 5 yrs ago it stopped being about him or me its about the kids......thanks for your input though it helped ease my mind .....for alittle bit anyway .