Havent seen my kids in years.

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dadto5

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I have two older girls that I hadnt seen in years. I got in contact with them through the technology we have today with social networking. Their mother has no clue. They are 17 and 16. The 17 year old wants to come live with me. The thing is, is that she wants me to just come and pick her up without speaking to her mother. I am on her birth certificate. There is not any custody filed through the courts. Nothing has ever been done legally. Do I have the right to just go get her? I do not want to be charged with kidnapping. I dont even know if I can be...
 
dadto5 said:
I have two older girls that I hadnt seen in years. I got in contact with them through the technology we have today with social networking. Their mother has no clue. They are 17 and 16. The 17 year old wants to come live with me. The thing is, is that she wants me to just come and pick her up without speaking to her mother. I am on her birth certificate. There is not any custody filed through the courts. Nothing has ever been done legally. Do I have the right to just go get her? I do not want to be charged with kidnapping. I dont even know if I can be...
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Has paternity been established?

If you haven't established paternity, you must first have it proven that you are the father.

You would then have to petition the court for some form of custody and/or visitation rights.

As people begin this process, the sticky issue of support often will appear.

That can mean that YEARS of unpaid (and as yet unestablished) support could be ordered due.

You might first want to consult with a lawyer about the legal way to make contact with the children.

I wouldn't allow a teenager to get me to do anything.

What if you TAKE the 17 year old, and it is later discovered that you are NOT the biological father?

It makes me nervous (and I'm not involved) considering what a legal mess that could make for you, both civilly and criminally.

There is a right way and wrong way to approach this reunion.

If I were you, I'd do it the right way, ONLY!!!

Besides, the 17 year old will soon be an adult.

She can then see whomever she desires to see.

Proceed with great deliberation and caution, haste can only lead to trouble!
 
dadto5 said:
I have two older girls that I hadnt seen in years. I got in contact with them through the technology we have today with social networking. Their mother has no clue. They are 17 and 16. The 17 year old wants to come live with me. The thing is, is that she wants me to just come and pick her up without speaking to her mother. I am on her birth certificate. There is not any custody filed through the courts. Nothing has ever been done legally. Do I have the right to just go get her? I do not want to be charged with kidnapping. I dont even know if I can be...
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You can't go in and get her. Assuming you are legally established as Dad, you would need to file in court for custody. Nothing is going to happen without Mom's knowledge.

To change the current arrangement you would need to prove a substantial change in your child's circumstance (though at her age her wishes would be taken into consideration as a general rule) ; frankly by the time the case would be heard, kiddo will probably already be 18 and be able to move of her own accord.

Mom, as far as you and custody are concerned, is God at the moment. What she says, goes. Period. Even if.

Tell kiddo to hang on till she's 18.
 
Ok..what if the 17 yr old goes to her mother and tells her mother that she wants to live with me? She is old enough to make her own decisions according to the courts, right?
 
Can her Mom tell her no? And if so, would we then have to go through the courts? Seeing as how there was no legal custody drawn up nor was it gone through the courts.
 
Her mom can tell her no. The chance of getting a change in custody when (1) you haven't seen them in years and (2) she's less than a year from adulthood is very slim. She can come live with you at 18.
 
Well, she just called and said she told her mom that we have been talking and that she has seen me. And she told her mom she wanted to come stay with me, and that her mom said she wasnt going to stop her. And that she wanted me to come get her...she said her mom does NOT want to speak to me.
 
dadto5 said:
Well, she just called and said she told her mom that we have been talking and that she has seen me. And she told her mom she wanted to come stay with me, and that her mom said she wasnt going to stop her. And that she wanted me to come get her...she said her mom does NOT want to speak to me.
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And you believe her?

That last line is a HUGE red flag in my opinion.

This MUST involve Mom.
 
dadto5 said:
Ok..what if the 17 yr old goes to her mother and tells her mother that she wants to live with me? She is old enough to make her own decisions according to the courts, right?
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Wrong.

She's old enough when she's 18. At 17 her wishes will probably be taken into consideration but again you'd have to file in court and by the time it's heard she'll likely be 18 anyway.
 
Something so odd and urgent about all of this.

Why the urgency?

Why the secrecy?

Odd, very, very odd!
 
BayState said:
Wanna bet "dad" wants to file for child support before his "child" ages out??

;):(
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That could be one answer.
A very solid answer.

There might be more sordid answers, too.
 
Nope sure don't want to file for child support befrre my daughter ages out. Why would I want to do that? We have figured things out...she is going to stay till she turns 18 in 5 months...why would I try and file for support for a daughter that would be 18 in 5 months? That just does not make any sense...the secrecy and urgency was on her part...all we were going by was what she was telling us. We wanted to know what rights he had to go get her...we knew the right thing to do was for her to tell her mother..so in the end the right thing was done. She told her mother...and we decided that it would be best for her to stay till she was 18. Thanks to everyone that gave us advice..and didn't speculate as to why we wanted the advice.
 
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