Going Pro Se On 4/30/10 in NJ, Please Help!

[micp1480]

My ex-wife is playing a dirty game of cards. She met a man on the internet from Nebraska, and her and I with all three of our children are all born and raised in NJ. We have been divorced since 12/06. Back in October of 2009, while dating her new boyfriend, my ex-wife decides she wants to follow him back to Nebraska. I removed my entire retirement fund to retain counsel. The Judge denied her petition, and she chose not to contest the decision. Knowing that my family have all passed away, and left with no other financial support, my ex-wife who has a large family, and money to spare, decided to get engaged and married four months after her initial petition, and now has an attorney stating that her status has changed, and must relocate to Nebraska to be with her husband now. I submitted to the Judge about 50 pages, which has included exhibit A to M. I am current with my child support, and I have performing the role of the custodial parent as oppose to the non custodial parent that I am. I am very supportive of my children; I have attended every function that they had. I am not going to be able to afford to travel to Nebraska to see my children. Between round trip fare, lodging, meals, and a car rental, this is not financially possible. My ex-wife is a Nurse Manager and her job is not in jeopardy, but this guy she married apparent has substance abuse, and attends AA meetings, and is unable to drive a car. He has been out of work in December of 09, and March and part of April of 2010. He is a complete loser, and I have the credentials to say this. Now, out in Nebraska there are no relatives out there, here in NJ there are four aunts and uncles and cousins. The children have never been out in Nebraska, as far as I know, and if they were it was a violation. Now, my step son is currently doing time for aggravated assault and robbery, and violation of probation. My step son had robbed my ex-wife's house, just prior to the the aggravated assault and robbery charge, and the probation was for an assault charge in 10/09, which was reduced to disorderly person, but my daughter's age 13 and 15 are living with their bedroom door locked. My ex-wife did make a police report, but didn't go any further. Locked bedroom doors, two family members with substance abuse, and putting my children on a plane at least four times a month to see me, is not a safe environment for any child. I have been a Paramedic for 19 years, and currently hold the position of Field Training Officer, and I have over a dozen commendations. I am well regarded with State and Local law Enforcement, City Officials, EMS, Fire etc................as you can see, I have a solid job, my child support payments are current, and I am an excellent father, I do the wash, grocery shop, iron, take them to and from school, go on all the school trips, back to school nights, parent teacher conferences, award ceremonies, etc........ Finally, I plan to use my trump card if the Judge doesn't accept this, by asking the court to question my children as to where they want to live. I hope I can find some answers here, for I am scared out of my mind to be going in to court against an attorney, I feel as though I have lost already. My daughters are all I have in my life and I don't want to lose them. Thank you everyone.


MICP1480

 

[mightymoose]

It sounds as if your kids are probably old enough that the court would consider their wishes. From what you say it seems you have a very good argument to make anyway. Just be prepared to show how the kids would be better off staying in NJ with you rather than focusing on why it would be bad for them to move... you don't want to come across as the jealous ex, but rather the responsible father.

 

[army judge]

If you lose, you could move to Nebraska.
You have what seems to be a good case.
Just present it as factually as you can.
Don't worry about what someone else will do, just plead your case.
Be factual, courteous, and brief.
Do not interrupt and you'll do just fine.
You are in a good position, better than you think.
But, even if you lose, you are free to move to Nebraska.
You wouldn't have to stay there long, before the kids are adults.
Either way, do your best, and above all else make sure your argument is about how much you care for YOUR kids.
YOUR kids are all you live for, they are YOUR reason for sacrifice and work.
It isn't about what you want, or your wife wants, its about what the kids NEED!
Its about their friends, their education, their activities, their hopes, their dreams, and their future.
Let the court know that you've put your life, wants, and desires on hold; so that your kids can be provided for and loved.
Let the court know how much you love your kids.
Let the court know that you know their birthdays, their friends, their likes, their dreams, their ambitions, their school, their classes, and their teachers.
Use names, dates, places, and events to show you are serious about being a great dad.
You want them to continue to become great kids and wonderful, productive members of societies.
And this is the clincher, that if the court decides in its infallible wisdom, that being with their mother is best for them; you'll still keep on loving them and make the sacrifices required to visit them.
Yes, that means rental cars, long drives, and lots of money.
But, you'll get an extra job, work extra hours, all to be in their lives.
Because, your honor, I love them much more than I can say.
You're a good citizen and believe in the laws of our land.
That is the way you'd raise your girls.
Some people might call that spoiling them, your honor, I call it a privilege to sacrifice for them!
Do that, YOUR WAY, coupled with your research and efforts, you'll win.
Its always about the kids, never about you, a girlfriend, or anything but the kids.

One last thing, a couple of pictures of them with you, always helps.
Make sure they are happy and protected.
The pictures can be at a park, a lake, a birthday party, or Christmas.
Make sure it shows them smiling and happy.
Make sure you are in the shot.

 

[micp1480]

Wow, thank you so much. After hearing all the suggestions, I feel I can do this. I forgot one thing. My ex-wife just purchased a computer for my oldest daughter, and a Ihome for my other daughter. She just took them clothing shopping and out for dinner. The girl's had their nails done, and then their mother told my youngest to write in facebook how she was the greatest mother. I am telling you that her actions are criminal, that she would buy my daughters if called upon by the Judge. There was a time that my daughter wanted to live with me, but her mother told her that I wouldn't be able to afford for her to live with me. My daughter was thinking that she may have to live with a foster family. I think when parents use the children like this to get back at the other, that there should be a law against this, and they should be locked up. Thank you everyone for the best advice.


MICP1480

 

[army judge]

Wow, thank you so much. After hearing all the suggestions, I feel I can do this. I forgot one thing. My ex-wife just purchased a computer for my oldest daughter, and a Ihome for my other daughter. She just took them clothing shopping and out for dinner. The girl's had their nails done, and then their mother told my youngest to write in facebook how she was the greatest mother. I am telling you that her actions are criminal, that she would buy my daughters if called upon by the Judge. There was a time that my daughter wanted to live with me, but her mother told her that I wouldn't be able to afford for her to live with me. My daughter was thinking that she may have to live with a foster family. I think when parents use the children like this to get back at the other, that there should be a law against this, and they should be locked up. Thank you everyone for the best advice.


MICP1480

Don't let that get your knickers twisted.

I have one more tip for you.

You should ask 2-3 friends or relatives to testify for you as character witnesses.

These could be teachers, ministers, relatives, neighbors, family friends that have seen you parent these children.

They should be able to speak to how the girls behave in your presence.

They should cite incidents where you showed the girls affection, concern, helped them with homework, comforted them, just talked with them.

They should be able to say that you provide structure and discipline in their lives.

They might have seen you discipline a child APPROPRIATELY.

They might be able to comment on how you've taught them table manners, cooked with them, took them fishing, attended their school functions, took them to the circus, playground, sporting event, etc...


You need character witnesses.

You can bet she'll have a few.

She's pulling out all the stops, you should, too!

Girls this age will want to be around you.

It is what nature intended, for fathers to influence their daughters.

The ove affair with mom will soon grow cold.

It rarely fails, they'll be fussin' and a feudin' soon!

 

[jharris352]

Do remember this: Judges have seen this very same case with different names and different faces a time or two before. If your wife is lying, Army will tell you this is true, a Judge can sniff it out. Judges just hear crap so much that its like finding a counterfeit bill. When you deal with the truth, day in and day out, the lie sticks out like a sore thumb. Or inversely, when you see liars day in and day out, an honest man shines.

Just stand up and be truthful. Don't over blow your case, don't under do it. Let her do the exaggerating and she will stand out as the liar.

Can I get an Amen Army? Tell him what a Judge sees....

 

[army judge]

Do remember this: Judges have seen this very same case with different names and different faces a time or two before. If your wife is lying, Army will tell you this is true, a Judge can sniff it out. Judges just hear crap so much that its like finding a counterfeit bill. When you deal with the truth, day in and day out, the lie sticks out like a sore thumb. Or inversely, when you see liars day in and day out, an honest man shines.

Just stand up and be truthful. Don't over blow your case, don't under do it. Let her do the exaggerating and she will stand out as the liar.

Can I get an Amen Army? Tell him what a Judge sees....

JH, I'll give you an amen and a hallelujah, too!

Seriously, JH, is right about the truth.

The truth is short and sweet.

A lie is always long, tortured, and filled with distractors.

Parents see this with their kids.

You don't know how or why, but you always know when they're lying.

My daughter-in-law's family had a tardition of telling their kids that they could identify when they lied.

It might be a twitchy eye, a wagging tongue, non eye contact, something.

Of course they couldn't, but say it long enough, kids believe it.

They'd always tip their hand with the tell they'd been assigned.

I've seen my grands get caught a time or two by that technique.