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Former Boyfriend Threatening A Child Custody Case

Discussion in 'Child Custody & Visitation' started by ArabellasMommy93, Aug 10, 2018.

  1. ArabellasMommy93

    ArabellasMommy93 Law Topic Starter New Member

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    Background information, I started dating my daughters father and for four years he controlled my Facebook, my cell phone, when I saw my family and where I went. After a year and a half I was working full time, bringing home between $800 and $1,000 paychecks every two weeks, more than enough to support myself. On his brothers birthday in 2015, we went over for the birthday and they all proceeded to drink. I took my birth control at night usually because it was easier to remember, but for some reason that night I couldn't find it. That night they ended up handing me a mix drink of more alcohol than I knew was inside of it, and I ended up drunk not remembering anything. A few weeks later I found out I was pregnant, he found out and told me I wasn’t allowed to leave him if it was. His mom proceeded to accuse me of getting pregnant on purpose saying I wasn’t taking my birth control because I never took it when he could see me. And so on.

    Fast forward to me being 4 months pregnant, they all constantly tried to get me to drink alcohol. I ended up being high risk due to stress of him screaming/yelling and making me take care of everything around the house and his son he wanted custody of. When I was hospitalized he would come take my bank card where my unemployment and then cash assistance went, take money off bring me my card and leave again. He would come in and argue with me making my heart rate and blood pressure go up. Then when our daughter was finally born he let his mom go in and hold her and do everything I should have been doing while he said I needed a shower because his family was coming in.

    He never took care of her while we were together, never had her period. I’ve set up daycare for his son, done everything for his son including buying clothes up until this year because I refused.

    I’ve left 6 times in a one year period. Each time gets longer than the last, this time when I left he proceeded to stalk me, watch my grandparents home, threaten me with saying because I left him I was unfit. And proceeded to scream at me at 10:30 at night because I wanted to leave. He snatched a phone out of my hand when I was trying to get my grandmother to come pick me up saying I was calling my boyfriend.

    He drinks heavily and I have watched him get so drunk he hits his son in the head. He screams at him constantly and hitting him and scaring him to the point he pees on himself and he’s potty trained.

    Our daughter got sick one night and she’s only two so when she wouldn’t let him clean her nose because she was in so much pain he got in her face screamed at her and slammed a door next to her head almost catching her hand.

    He is threatening me with taking me to court for full custody because I refuse to come "home". He says he will be filing abandonment charges on me because my grandma has our daughter a majority of the time while I am working so I am not taking care of her. And now is threatening me and saying I have to fill out paperwork for her name change because he's changing his last name so I have to change hers. I am unsure of what all the paperwork will state as he has his fathers paralegal girlfriend creating it. He refuses to help me with anything, he has no child support order but I ask for diapers and wipes or milk, and he screams at me and says he doesn’t have the money because I left and now he has to pay everything by himself when he is hardly ever home so the bills shouldn’t be much. Then proceeds to tell me if I didn’t spend all my money I could be buying her stuff, which I help my grandparents with bills while I’m getting my life figured out. He constantly harasses me and sends me texts while I’m working and when I say I’m busy start getting cussed out for it. He keeps telling me I am required to quit and I am not allowed to work a shift other than the one he wants me on because it makes it where he can’t see our daughter, which when he sees her he’s more worried about trying to have sex with me than seeing her.

    He has emotionally, mentally and verbally abused me the whole four years. Gaslighted me to make me feel crazy since I had our daughter. And has now gotten me so mentally exhausted and depressed I don’t know what to do anymore.

    I want to figure out how to get a restraining order and getting away from him without feeling bad for leaving his son behind that I’ve basically raised on my own and I’m not even the mother.
     
  2. army judge

    army judge Super Moderator

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    WOW, that's amazing.

    You drank some liquor and somehow got pregnant because you consumed alcohol.

    If you write a book about that, someone in Hollywood would make that into a movie.

    You're a very blessed woman, the only woman in the world that got inseminated, bred, and became pregnant, delivering a child to term by old demon rum.

    So, who did you list on the child's birth certificate: Jim Beam, Jack Daniels, Johnny Walker, Cutty Sark, Sam Adams, or another brand?
     
  3. army judge

    army judge Super Moderator

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    On a serious note, find a nearby "battered women's shelter".

    Just search the term "battered women's shelter YOUR CITY & STATE" and contact the homes.

    Once you find your shelter, counselors will walk you through the legal steps to get a restraining order.

    If you were never married to this deadbeat, he has ZERO rights to YOUR cjild.

    As the birth mother, ALL parental rights are vested in YOU, you alone.

    He has no rights to your child, unless he goes to court, has a court supervised paternity test, and the court declares him the father.

    Even then he'll have no rights, because he must also ask the court for visitation.

    He might eventually get supervised visits, then a couple or three years later, he can get overnights.

    Stop communicating with the bum.

    Get yourself safely tucked inside a battered women's shelter, and you'll get the help to get this batterer out of your face and life forever.
     
    leslie82 likes this.
  4. Disabled Vet

    Disabled Vet Active Member

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    You are in control of your life. Plus your child life. It's about time you TAKE CONTROL.... No ONE can force you to do anything in life. The only one you have to follow is a court order with the child. You don't have to change the child name. etc...etc...... Do get a lawyer and STAY away from this guy. You should have seen the writing on the wall when YOU allowed him to hit his son without calling CPS.
     
    leslie82 and army judge like this.
  5. shrinkmaster

    shrinkmaster Well-Known Member

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    From time to time we have discussions on a Parenting forum (hosted by this site) on issues like yours. The deadbeat Dad usually (not always) doesnt follow through with his threats and never goes to court. If he has a history of violence he may at best get "supervised visits" only for a time. He will not like this and may give up the relationship with child if he is uncaring as he appears based on your post.
     
  6. leslie82

    leslie82 Well-Known Member

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    Stop going back to him. He's an abusive sociopath. Letting someone watch your kid while at work is not abandonment. If he hasn't established paternity he has no rights. So you take him to court first and file for custody and at most supervised visitation.

    When you saw him beat his son did you call the police? I would have left then and there. My ex was abusive - and if I ever would have saw him put hands on his kids or our kid I'd have called the cops and left that instant. I know how hard it is to leave an abuser. They manipulate you. They get in your head. They are sadistic as hell. But this guy has no chance of getting custody of your kid at all.

    You legally can't do anything about his son except call the police and report abuse. That's it. Or tell the mom. It sucks but you can't take his son with you. If you want a protection order go file one. But if you haven't reported the abuse against you, it might be hard to get one. Right now you have to worry about you and your kid. That's all you can legally do.
     

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