I am currently 5 weeks pregnant. The father of my unborn child wanted me to have an abortion and I refused. Now he says that he wants to sign over his parental rights because he does not want the child. I live in South Carolina and I would like to know if he can just sign over his rights like that?
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Father wants to sign over parental rights
- Thread Starter kenkaikim
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This is not legal advice.
Have the abortion. If you dont believe in abortions then give the baby up for adoption. If you dont want all that hassle then use your state's safe haven laws and give the baby to a hospital or police station that will take the baby no questions asked.
In other words, you have the post conception option to opt in or out of parenthood via abortion, adoption or safe haven laws. He, as a human being just like you, should have the same rights. But because he happens to be of the wong gender, he currently does not. Parenthood is a big responsibility; A person should choose to take this responsibility, it should not be forced onto someone. That is fundamentally worng.
Were you both intentionally trying to start a family? If it was an un-intended preagnancy, then there was never an intention of starting a family. The fact that you are now pregnant should not change the fact that a family was never intended. And given that we now have the laws and the technology to afford you post conception options such as adoption, abortion and safe haven laws, this mess does not have to ruin any lifes.
Sure, you could force it down his throat. You may even be able to get him locked up. But ultimately that will do zero good for the baby in who's name it would be done. Not to mention that abusing one's position to ruin another persons life in such a profound and terminal way has to have some kind of consequence, dont you think? Forced parenthood never leads to anything good.
If you choose to have this child you are the one making that choice. The responsibility for the child should fall on the one who decided ultimately to bring the child forth. That is you.
Have the abortion. If you dont believe in abortions then give the baby up for adoption. If you dont want all that hassle then use your state's safe haven laws and give the baby to a hospital or police station that will take the baby no questions asked.
In other words, you have the post conception option to opt in or out of parenthood via abortion, adoption or safe haven laws. He, as a human being just like you, should have the same rights. But because he happens to be of the wong gender, he currently does not. Parenthood is a big responsibility; A person should choose to take this responsibility, it should not be forced onto someone. That is fundamentally worng.
Were you both intentionally trying to start a family? If it was an un-intended preagnancy, then there was never an intention of starting a family. The fact that you are now pregnant should not change the fact that a family was never intended. And given that we now have the laws and the technology to afford you post conception options such as adoption, abortion and safe haven laws, this mess does not have to ruin any lifes.
Sure, you could force it down his throat. You may even be able to get him locked up. But ultimately that will do zero good for the baby in who's name it would be done. Not to mention that abusing one's position to ruin another persons life in such a profound and terminal way has to have some kind of consequence, dont you think? Forced parenthood never leads to anything good.
If you choose to have this child you are the one making that choice. The responsibility for the child should fall on the one who decided ultimately to bring the child forth. That is you.
You are correct. That is not legal advice which is what I am inquiring about. But to enlighten you to the situation, yes, initially he said that he wanted me to have his baby. We were both consenting adults participating in an act without contraception, very well knowing the possible outcome. He said that he wanted another child, he already has four. Even after I told him I was pregnant he said that he was happy and that we were going to be parents to this child. Those were his exact words. I am not aborting MY child, or giving MY child up for adoption. I do not know how you could call this situation a mess. Being that you do not know the entire story, I do not feel that your reply was very accurate. So are you saying that because, all of a sudden he realizes that he doesn't want another child, after the child that he initially said that he wanted has been conceived, that he should have the right to just walk away free from "all the mess", as you so eloquately stated it to be?
hm.. ok.. well let me begin by offering you an apology. You are correct, I do not know all the facts. I assumed it was an unwanted, unplanned event. Seem that is not the case. If you both set out to make a baby from the begining, and a baby has been made already, thent he should stay and take care of the baby.
PS: i was forced into it without my consent ever. That is why I reacted the way I did.
Good luck to all 3 of you.
PS: i was forced into it without my consent ever. That is why I reacted the way I did.
Good luck to all 3 of you.
I also agree the above reply was a little inappropriate.
Abortion and adoption are always options. If you intend to do neither you can do one of a few things.
Plan on life as a single mom with no help from him. If you are prepared to do this then great.
He might come around after the birth, he might not.
He cannot just choose to sign over his parental rights, especailly if you do not agree. He shouldn't have gotten you pregnant if he did not want another child.
Does he pay child support on his other 4 children? Are any of these kids yours?
In order for him to sign over his parental rights, paternity needs to be established since you are not married ( after the baby is born) and there generally needs to be a stepfather to adopt.
The government wants a father to be accountable for his kids, so he just cannot give up his rights with no step parent adoption.
He could be forced into paying child support if you file for it, but if he has 4 kids ahead of this one, you may or may not get any more money from him.
So now that you are only 5 weeks pregnant by a deadbeat, you have lots of time to prepare yourself.
Good luck
Abortion and adoption are always options. If you intend to do neither you can do one of a few things.
Plan on life as a single mom with no help from him. If you are prepared to do this then great.
He might come around after the birth, he might not.
He cannot just choose to sign over his parental rights, especailly if you do not agree. He shouldn't have gotten you pregnant if he did not want another child.
Does he pay child support on his other 4 children? Are any of these kids yours?
In order for him to sign over his parental rights, paternity needs to be established since you are not married ( after the baby is born) and there generally needs to be a stepfather to adopt.
The government wants a father to be accountable for his kids, so he just cannot give up his rights with no step parent adoption.
He could be forced into paying child support if you file for it, but if he has 4 kids ahead of this one, you may or may not get any more money from him.
So now that you are only 5 weeks pregnant by a deadbeat, you have lots of time to prepare yourself.
Good luck
>> He shouldn't have gotten you pregnant if he did not want another child. <<
Nothing could be further from the truth. A mam and a woman engaged in legal, mutually consentual intercourse. Both willingly.
To state that a man GETS a woman pregnant is the same as saying that chocolate is responsible for getting a woman fat. (Exept we all know chocolate does hold a gun to your head and makes you eat it. right!)
Excluding cases of rape, conception takes 2 willing parties, not one. Why is responsibility so squarely placed on just one? Specially when the final choice to bring the child to birth lies on the one who will not be threatened with jail over it.
This system is broken and needs fixing.
In the mean time the injustices will continue based solely on gender. There will be many (otherwise good men) who's lives will be ruined by this system and there will always be the lacy peterson peppered here and there paying the real price of this biased arrangement.
Nothing could be further from the truth. A mam and a woman engaged in legal, mutually consentual intercourse. Both willingly.
To state that a man GETS a woman pregnant is the same as saying that chocolate is responsible for getting a woman fat. (Exept we all know chocolate does hold a gun to your head and makes you eat it. right!)
Excluding cases of rape, conception takes 2 willing parties, not one. Why is responsibility so squarely placed on just one? Specially when the final choice to bring the child to birth lies on the one who will not be threatened with jail over it.
This system is broken and needs fixing.
In the mean time the injustices will continue based solely on gender. There will be many (otherwise good men) who's lives will be ruined by this system and there will always be the lacy peterson peppered here and there paying the real price of this biased arrangement.
A single mom
I am a single mom of three boys and I personally feel that a woman should not have a child if she cannot do it by herself, I work in the family court system and I have seen it all, my exhusband is my best friend and he does not pay child support I feel that if the mothers in this world were a little less dependant on their exspouse and everyone got along, then maybe we wouldn't have so many children messed up now days. Maybe the Mother of this mans children is so obsessed with him it is his only way out of the situation for him to give up his rights, divorce is a horrible thing it's worst then death if you have children involved, because they get hurt in return to the way the parents act, and maybe this father is doing what is best for his children.
I am a single mom of three boys and I personally feel that a woman should not have a child if she cannot do it by herself, I work in the family court system and I have seen it all, my exhusband is my best friend and he does not pay child support I feel that if the mothers in this world were a little less dependant on their exspouse and everyone got along, then maybe we wouldn't have so many children messed up now days. Maybe the Mother of this mans children is so obsessed with him it is his only way out of the situation for him to give up his rights, divorce is a horrible thing it's worst then death if you have children involved, because they get hurt in return to the way the parents act, and maybe this father is doing what is best for his children.
Sangaru what I said is correct. If he did not want another child, then he should not have gotten her pregnant. Pretty basic principal. Yes it takes 2 to tango and it is just as much as the womens fault as well. Yes you cannot force a man to become a dad if he does not want too. Men think though they can walk away from their responsibilities just by encouraging abortion.
Peckenrod, if you choose not to file a child support claim then that is your choice, unless you have 50/50 joint custody. But with 3 kids he does have an obligation to support them. He obviously wanted them if he got you pregnant 3 times.
I do think women need to take more responsibility for their actions instead of blaming the guy, but your comment that a woman should have to support the children on her own, I don't agree with. Now, if a woman gets pregnant by a total loser amd she knows this EARLY on that he is a deadbeat and chooses to have the child anyways, then she is going to have the burden of caring for the child.
Peckenrod, if you choose not to file a child support claim then that is your choice, unless you have 50/50 joint custody. But with 3 kids he does have an obligation to support them. He obviously wanted them if he got you pregnant 3 times.
I do think women need to take more responsibility for their actions instead of blaming the guy, but your comment that a woman should have to support the children on her own, I don't agree with. Now, if a woman gets pregnant by a total loser amd she knows this EARLY on that he is a deadbeat and chooses to have the child anyways, then she is going to have the burden of caring for the child.
Duranie,
I think we are in agreement and just dont know it yet.
I agree with you in some ways and not in others.
Yes, he should not have allowed his DNA to be used to create another baby. And since he did, and did so with the intent of starting a life, then yes, he should be held accountable. With that I agree.
What i have issue with is your use of language here.... you state... "he should not have gotten her preagnant..." as though the choice was all his wether or not she became pregnant. that is not the case. Most birth control out caters to women, not men. A woman who really does not want to become pregnant these days knows how to ensure that without having to rely on the male for that.
what are your thoughts?
I think we are in agreement and just dont know it yet.
I agree with you in some ways and not in others.
Yes, he should not have allowed his DNA to be used to create another baby. And since he did, and did so with the intent of starting a life, then yes, he should be held accountable. With that I agree.
What i have issue with is your use of language here.... you state... "he should not have gotten her preagnant..." as though the choice was all his wether or not she became pregnant. that is not the case. Most birth control out caters to women, not men. A woman who really does not want to become pregnant these days knows how to ensure that without having to rely on the male for that.
what are your thoughts?
I have read all of the replies and I agree with some things that were stated. I am willing to raise this child on my own because I did realize, maybe a little too late, that he is not the guy that he made himself out to be. But to answer the question concerning birth control. I have had and just was released from the hospital yesterday with, a pulmonary embolism. For those that do not know what that is, it is a blood clot that has traveled to the lungs and it can kill you. After I had my first PE, I was informed by the doctor and the nurses at the hospital that I would NEVER be able to use any type of birth control that contains estrogen because of its increased risk of causing another blood clot. The responsibility to insure that a child is not conceived during intercourse falls on both individuals. Yes, there are more options for women than men, but with him knowing that I was not on any type of birth control, he had the option of using a condom. He opted not to and here lies the consequences of that action.
As far as the user who stated that maybe the mother was obessesed. I hope that statement was not directed towards me but was more of a generalization, because that is not the type of person that I am. I have not called him for anything and I have no intentions of doing so. I understand that I have decided to have this baby so therefore I am mainly responsible for what what happens. But my main objection to his wanting to sign over his rights is the fact that he stated that he wanted this baby and now that I am pregnant, he wants out. He should not be allowed to just walk away from his responsibilities.
And to the guy who is whining about having to take care of his own child, I think if men realized that that child is a reproduction of YOU produced by an act that you engaged in willingly, unless you were raped, that they would not be so quick to turn there backs on them.
As far as the user who stated that maybe the mother was obessesed. I hope that statement was not directed towards me but was more of a generalization, because that is not the type of person that I am. I have not called him for anything and I have no intentions of doing so. I understand that I have decided to have this baby so therefore I am mainly responsible for what what happens. But my main objection to his wanting to sign over his rights is the fact that he stated that he wanted this baby and now that I am pregnant, he wants out. He should not be allowed to just walk away from his responsibilities.
And to the guy who is whining about having to take care of his own child, I think if men realized that that child is a reproduction of YOU produced by an act that you engaged in willingly, unless you were raped, that they would not be so quick to turn there backs on them.
I'm sorry I should have worded it differently
no the obsessed was not directly or indirctly pointed towards you, I am simply saying in general that alot of mothers are so obsessed with their ex=spouse they try and ruin them, you have a whole different problem here, you and this guy decided to have a child together and now he is bailing out, i work in the family courts department for the clerk of courts and honestly after reading your last entry I would do everything I could to make him see how you feel and what your going through, you don;t make a commitment in life to a unborn child because that is what you thought you wanted and then bail out, keep your head up I am a single mom and i chose to be, because it was better raising my boys in two happy homes instead of one miserable one, and my ex is now my best friend, as long as you know in your heart your doing your best for you and your baby that is all that matters. Ever heard the saying "what goes around comes aroud" he'll get his one day and nobody has to help it along. Good Luck with the baby I wish you the best.
no the obsessed was not directly or indirctly pointed towards you, I am simply saying in general that alot of mothers are so obsessed with their ex=spouse they try and ruin them, you have a whole different problem here, you and this guy decided to have a child together and now he is bailing out, i work in the family courts department for the clerk of courts and honestly after reading your last entry I would do everything I could to make him see how you feel and what your going through, you don;t make a commitment in life to a unborn child because that is what you thought you wanted and then bail out, keep your head up I am a single mom and i chose to be, because it was better raising my boys in two happy homes instead of one miserable one, and my ex is now my best friend, as long as you know in your heart your doing your best for you and your baby that is all that matters. Ever heard the saying "what goes around comes aroud" he'll get his one day and nobody has to help it along. Good Luck with the baby I wish you the best.
Clarifications
For the record. I would like to state some of my convictions.
First of all, i divide child support into 2 categories. Moral child support and court ordered extortion.
Moral child support is what I currently pay. I pay it because I want to, because she is my daughter and I want the best for her even though I could care less for her mother or the cricumstances that brought her about.
This is not the child support that I have issue with.
My problem it is the biased and downright criminal system that is in place to establish and enforce child support today. That system is broken and antiquated.
Talk about rape, did you know that this system is so screwed up that if a baby sitter that is over legal age engages in intercourse with a minor male, the minor is still forced by the courts to pay child support!? tell me that is not a screwed up system that is so rigid that not even in the most extreme circumstances it cannot bend to do the right thing.
System is broken and needs fixing so that it is not abused anylonger!
peckenrod, im sure you know what i am talking about .... tell them!
For the record. I would like to state some of my convictions.
First of all, i divide child support into 2 categories. Moral child support and court ordered extortion.
Moral child support is what I currently pay. I pay it because I want to, because she is my daughter and I want the best for her even though I could care less for her mother or the cricumstances that brought her about.
This is not the child support that I have issue with.
My problem it is the biased and downright criminal system that is in place to establish and enforce child support today. That system is broken and antiquated.
Talk about rape, did you know that this system is so screwed up that if a baby sitter that is over legal age engages in intercourse with a minor male, the minor is still forced by the courts to pay child support!? tell me that is not a screwed up system that is so rigid that not even in the most extreme circumstances it cannot bend to do the right thing.
System is broken and needs fixing so that it is not abused anylonger!
peckenrod, im sure you know what i am talking about .... tell them!
Sanguru, yes I totally agree with you!!
Medical technology has not allowed men to establish birth control, with the exception of a vasectomy, or conom usage.
With that said, the burden of birth control does fall on us women. Birth control does work MOST of the time. I have been on off and on since I was 18 and never got pregnant until I went off. I also don't buy it when most women say "I was on it" yeah right!! Taking it wrong, or not taking it at all does not count. I think some women are just to embarrased to explain why they got pregnant with a guy they barely know, it is easier to make up a white lie and to say that the birth control failed.
Kenkaikim, there are non estrogen related methods of birth control. Maybe you should look into the mini pill, or the depo shot. Since you are not on birth control, you need to enforce condom usage, or don't have sex, unless a few years from now you want several kids from different deadbeats.
Also, withdrawl is not very reliable BUT withdrawl with either a sponge, or spermicide may help prevent something. Using something is better than nothing.
It is just sad that the kids face the repercussions of their parents actions.
Medical technology has not allowed men to establish birth control, with the exception of a vasectomy, or conom usage.
With that said, the burden of birth control does fall on us women. Birth control does work MOST of the time. I have been on off and on since I was 18 and never got pregnant until I went off. I also don't buy it when most women say "I was on it" yeah right!! Taking it wrong, or not taking it at all does not count. I think some women are just to embarrased to explain why they got pregnant with a guy they barely know, it is easier to make up a white lie and to say that the birth control failed.
Kenkaikim, there are non estrogen related methods of birth control. Maybe you should look into the mini pill, or the depo shot. Since you are not on birth control, you need to enforce condom usage, or don't have sex, unless a few years from now you want several kids from different deadbeats.
Also, withdrawl is not very reliable BUT withdrawl with either a sponge, or spermicide may help prevent something. Using something is better than nothing.
It is just sad that the kids face the repercussions of their parents actions.
Duranie, you are correct in stating that I should definitely look into other forms of birth control that are available or just abstain from sex altogether. I am not trying to excuse myself from being irresponsible concerning birth control, I only wanted to explain why I was not on the pill, patch, etc.
This guy was someone that I had known for YEARS! We had worked in the same building for almost five years. He was someone that I thought I knew. I guess sometimes no matter how long you've known someone, you still don't REALLY know them.
Since I have been released from the hospital, I have been injecting a blood thinner into my body via my stomach, every twelve hours and the doctor states that I will have to continue to do this the entire pregnancy.
I know that I made the right decision to have this baby even though it is going to be hard without any type of support from the father. But while I was in the hospital, they did an ultrasound to make sure that everything was okay with the baby, and to see my tiny bean shaped baby and a HEARTBEAT, I knew that all of the pain that I am experiencing and will experience is so worth it!
This guy was someone that I had known for YEARS! We had worked in the same building for almost five years. He was someone that I thought I knew. I guess sometimes no matter how long you've known someone, you still don't REALLY know them.
Since I have been released from the hospital, I have been injecting a blood thinner into my body via my stomach, every twelve hours and the doctor states that I will have to continue to do this the entire pregnancy.
I know that I made the right decision to have this baby even though it is going to be hard without any type of support from the father. But while I was in the hospital, they did an ultrasound to make sure that everything was okay with the baby, and to see my tiny bean shaped baby and a HEARTBEAT, I knew that all of the pain that I am experiencing and will experience is so worth it!
scenario..
I got a question.
What if my girlfriend and I mutually I decide that we want to have a baby. We get pregnant and then 5 or 6 weeks into it she changes her mind completely 180 degrees. Decides she doesn't want to have a baby and schedules for an abortion.
In the mean time the thought of aborting what I feel is just as mine child as it is hers seems horrible and inhuman to me. Is there anything that I can legally do to prevent her from aborting? Even after we both agreed to have the child and went babyclothes shopping together and even took pictures with the store clerk!?!?!
So, Does the constitution really guarantee equal treatment under the law or is that just a catchy slogan?
I got a question.
What if my girlfriend and I mutually I decide that we want to have a baby. We get pregnant and then 5 or 6 weeks into it she changes her mind completely 180 degrees. Decides she doesn't want to have a baby and schedules for an abortion.
In the mean time the thought of aborting what I feel is just as mine child as it is hers seems horrible and inhuman to me. Is there anything that I can legally do to prevent her from aborting? Even after we both agreed to have the child and went babyclothes shopping together and even took pictures with the store clerk!?!?!
So, Does the constitution really guarantee equal treatment under the law or is that just a catchy slogan?
This could be a blessing in disguise. I always say if I had to do it over again, I wouldnt have told the father.
I am a single mother of a 15 year old. My son has been a pawn in a control game for over 12 years now with no winner. I too knew the father for six years before I became pregnant. We married because of the baby and divorced six months after he was born. In the beginning he agreed to sign over his parental rights and I was horrified. We ended up with joint custody and the battle began. He decided that he was going to run the show and would question every dime of child support or method of raising "his child" but never attended one school event or encourage my son in athletics, or even just give him a hug. My son is now 15 years old and we are still in court. He doesnt want my son, he just doesnt want to pay child support. I offered him the chance to sign over his rights (meaning he would not be obligated to pay me if he would step back but could still be involved) but he decided he wanted to have me pay instead. We are in court every year with him trying to disrupt my son's life. He never calls him or visits him unless there is a court date approaching nor has my son ever recieved a birthday card or Merry Christmas by phone. He steps up to the plate when he knows he must prove his involvement before getting on the stand to state what a wonderful parent he is.
My son is the one who suffers. I look at the pain in his eyes every time the weekend with dad comes and goes with no phone call explaining why he never showed up and it breaks my heart.
Take his offer into consideration as you look at the complicated road that lies ahead. Child support should never be an income you rely on to support your child if you decide to raise him/her on your own. Forcing a child down someone's throat could backfire and give results that could make your lives a living nightmare.
I always tell my sisters they should ask themselves a few questions before "consenting adults" get together. Are you ready to spend the next 18 years communicating with this man? Answer to him on any decision you make? Are you prepared for the day he could be awarded sole custody? Would you feel comfortable giving this man your child to raise by himself? Then ask the man these same questions. After being witnesses to what my child is going through, they are terrified to have a baby.
Think about it. Not for your sake but for your child's.
I am a single mother of a 15 year old. My son has been a pawn in a control game for over 12 years now with no winner. I too knew the father for six years before I became pregnant. We married because of the baby and divorced six months after he was born. In the beginning he agreed to sign over his parental rights and I was horrified. We ended up with joint custody and the battle began. He decided that he was going to run the show and would question every dime of child support or method of raising "his child" but never attended one school event or encourage my son in athletics, or even just give him a hug. My son is now 15 years old and we are still in court. He doesnt want my son, he just doesnt want to pay child support. I offered him the chance to sign over his rights (meaning he would not be obligated to pay me if he would step back but could still be involved) but he decided he wanted to have me pay instead. We are in court every year with him trying to disrupt my son's life. He never calls him or visits him unless there is a court date approaching nor has my son ever recieved a birthday card or Merry Christmas by phone. He steps up to the plate when he knows he must prove his involvement before getting on the stand to state what a wonderful parent he is.
My son is the one who suffers. I look at the pain in his eyes every time the weekend with dad comes and goes with no phone call explaining why he never showed up and it breaks my heart.
Take his offer into consideration as you look at the complicated road that lies ahead. Child support should never be an income you rely on to support your child if you decide to raise him/her on your own. Forcing a child down someone's throat could backfire and give results that could make your lives a living nightmare.
I always tell my sisters they should ask themselves a few questions before "consenting adults" get together. Are you ready to spend the next 18 years communicating with this man? Answer to him on any decision you make? Are you prepared for the day he could be awarded sole custody? Would you feel comfortable giving this man your child to raise by himself? Then ask the man these same questions. After being witnesses to what my child is going through, they are terrified to have a baby.
Think about it. Not for your sake but for your child's.
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