Father Wants Custody (At Least 1/2) Of 11 Month Old

[wishingfortwins]

This is a very complicated case, but I will try to keep it short and sweet.

HISTORY/DETAILS

The baby's mother allows him to visit him at her mother's house on many occasions, but the visits are uncomfortable because she tries to get him to watch movies or other things like that with her (in a romantic sense). Because of this the visits are often short and don't end well. He has tried on multiple occasions to take the baby and both her and her mother deny him visitation. He got to take the baby maybe 4 times during his 11 months of life.

He wants to be involved in his child's life. He gives baby mother $$ for the baby and often buys anything the baby needs in addition to that (diapers/wipes, formula, toys, shoes, car seat, etc.). Whenever he needs anything he goes and gets it ASAP.

The reason she does not want him around his son much is because of me (the fiancee). She was the rebound girl and they had an oops=baby moment. She has always been jealous of me and once landed in the hospital because he told her he is going to be with me. They diagnosed her with a panic/anxiety attack.

We have a child together as well. He is a good father to our son also and often takes him for the whole day (we don't live together yet). He would take him even more often if I wasn't breastfeeding.

PROBLEM

The main issue is that my boyfriend is not getting to spend time with his son. The baby has spent the last month in another state with mom and she has threatened to not bring him back. She has also threatened to send him to live in her home country for good. He has shed tears over this, and he really is not a crier. He loves both of his sons and wants to be an important part of their lives.

He would like to have either full or joint legal and physical custody. If the mother has full physical custody, she may leave the state or country leaving dad with little visitation. He does not want a couple days here and there and 2 weeks in the summer... he's not that type of dad.

He does not have his own place but plans to in the next couple months. That is the biggest setback at this time. He has a steady job and has had it for over a year now. He does not do drugs and has no record whatsoever.

QUESTIONS

• He would like to file for custody before she does as we were told that would be in his best interest. Is this true?
• Also, would he want to have a place first or could he do that now if he expects to have a place in 2 months?
• Could he use text messages/letters she wrote to him as proof in court?
• Can he file for temporary custody in Florida and what would be the likelihood of him getting that?

 

[army judge]

He should file for custody, visitation, and support. He should establish paternity first, if that hasn't been done. Everything should be approved by the court. He'll find that any monies paid without a court order may not be counted. Get everything approved by the court.

You didn't ask about the baby you two created, but the same advice applies to your baby. He should establish paternity, too, and then custody, visitation, and support!


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[wishingfortwins]

From what I understand I think he has already established paternity. He was there for both births and signed the birth certificates.

He is also wanting to know how soon he would get approved for at least visitation so that he can get to know his other son.

We are not too worried about custody and support on our end as I am not that type of mother. I 100% believe that a mother and father have equal rights to their child and even if (knock on wood) we do not end up getting married or get divorced down the line we would still be fair about raising our son.

 

[Proserpina]

From what I understand I think he has already established paternity. He was there for both births and signed the birth certificates.

He is also wanting to know how soon he would get approved for at least visitation so that he can get to know his other son.

Could take months to even get a hearing date.

Filing first won't necessarily be an advantage since they're unmarried and Mom has status quo on her side and she is by default the sole legal and physical custodian at the moment.

He will likely get joint legal custody and ample visitation which - because he has not been a regular part of the child's life - will probably be graduated and supervised at first, in Mom's home state. Eventually it would generally lead up to longer unsupervised periods, overnights and holidays.

I cannot see a judge awarding anything more than that at this point in the child's life so Dad needs to be realistic.

We are not too worried about custody and support on our end as I am not that type of mother. I 100% believe that a mother and father have equal rights to their child and even if (knock on wood) we do not end up getting married or get divorced down the line we would still be fair about raising our son.

Army Judge is correct and I'd hazard if every unmarried couple who said this actually went through with it after the break up, we'd all have far less work to do on legal boards.



I'm not saying that to be mean, but seriously - everyone has the same golden intentions while they're still together...but once it ends? Not so much.

Court orders protect ALL of you.

 

[wishingfortwins]

In her home state meaning the state she went to visit and is now threatening to stay at since she does not want the baby around dad or home state meaning where they have lived prior to that (Florida)?

Also, supervised by who? He would be fine if it is a 3rd party but like I said he's been having "supervised" visits and they always end badly because she literally throws herself at him instead of letting him have time with his child. Also, he has seen the baby several times per week since the birth, it is not that he hasn't been a part of the child's life. I don't know if that counts for anything.

Thanks for giving more realistic expectations. Can he pretty much only expect visitation or is there a possibility of joint custody? Would she be able to move to the other state with the baby? I always thought that was illegal without a court order if one parent was against it. Would she be able to sign over the rights to her mother if she goes to the army? She has threatened to do this many times. She is pretty crazy, there is lots more to this story than meets the eye but some are petty in comparison to the rest. He really just wants what's best for his son(s), and that's to have each other AND both parents in their lives.

As far as our baby, we are planning to get married soon. Would I still want to establish things like that at this point?

 

[Proserpina]

In her home state meaning the state she went to visit and is now threatening to stay at since she does not want the baby around dad or home state meaning where they have lived prior to that (Florida)?

Home state would be the state where she and the child have lived for the past 6 months. Since she's been out of state for less than a month she has NOT established residency in the new state for the purposes of custody; so Dad really needs to file immediately in Florida (which would have jurisdiction).

Also, supervised by who? He would be fine if it is a 3rd party but like I said he's been having "supervised" visits and they always end badly because she literally throws herself at him instead of letting him have time with his child. Also, he has seen the baby several times per week since the birth, it is not that he hasn't been a part of the child's life. I don't know if that counts for anything.

OK, that's a good thing! Dad is already a regular part of the child's life so it shouldn't be too long before he's allowed to bring the child home for Dad's parenting time.

Help Dad be patient.

Thanks for giving more realistic expectations. Can he pretty much only expect visitation or is there a possibility of joint custody?

Joint physical custody (or rather, 50/50 timeshare which I think is what you're asking) is incredibly difficult unless the parents live close to each other AND they have a pretty good relationship.

Would she be able to move to the other state with the baby? I always thought that was illegal without a court order if one parent was against it.

It's not strictly illegal, no.

However, she generally needs permission from either the courts or Dad. If she moves without permission, Dad can file immediately to have the child return to the home state....provided Dad lives there too.

If for example she lived in Florida, Dad lived in South Carolina and Mom wanted to move to Tennessee, Dad would have less reason to argue against the move.

Would she be able to sign over the rights to her mother if she goes to the army? She has threatened to do this many times. She is pretty crazy, there is lots more to this story than meets the eye but some are petty in comparison to the rest. He really just wants what's best for his son(s), and that's to have each other AND both parents in their lives.

She cannot enlist as a single parent with primary custody (unless she goes Reserves or NG), so she would generally have to allow Dad to have custody. Grandma's rights (or lack thereof ) will NEVER trump Dad's rights

As far as our baby, we are planning to get married soon. Would I still want to establish things like that at this point?

If you're planning to marry that does give you both a little more in the way of protection (legally speaking) when the baby is born should things later go to Hades.

 

[wishingfortwins]

Thank you all for the great information. I am going to relay the information to him so it can help him with forming his questions. He is going to consult with lawyers this week so he can hopefully get things going this week.

I am helping him to be patient, of course he wants to just hire a lawyer and get things going but I am encouraging him to do research/speak with some as he will want a lawyer who understands his situation and also that he trusts.

He usually lives within 10-15 minutes of her so he is definitely missing his son as he was able to see him quite often and for at least a few minutes before things went sour. He also had better visits when the baby mama's mother was there as she wouldn't throw herself at him then. ;o)

I think the first thing he will want to do is consult with the lawyer to see what he would recommend and then possibly file to have the son returned to Florida if he does not come back as re-scheduled (it was supposed to be a 2-week-visit, then they said they would be back the middle of the month (approx 20th), now she is saying never).

Good to know about the Army! We thought she was lying about that part as we know people who enlisted with children. I am guessing she will no longer enlist just because she does not want custody to default to dad (not even temporarily).

As for us, our baby is already born. If I am allowed to attend the lawyer consults and they are not timed I will seek their advice also. I'm guessing since we are agreeable towards each other now setting up something would be as simple as drafting up a plan and submitting it for approval.

Now I have read on here that it is against rules to recommend lawyers. However, is it possible that someone could give an average or something of family law fees? Neither of us know anyone who has been through family court so we are both clueless.

 

[army judge]

Around these parts (Texas), people pay anywhere from $3,000-10,000 for custody and support cases to private lawyers. Every case, person, state, situation varies. Ask around and you'll soon be told. A great source for lawyer referrals is friends, co-workers, and relatives.

In Texas, the state attorney general will represent you for free (well, a very small, sliding scale fee, which could be nothing). Your state might have such a government administered service, too. They'll get your support and custody issues settled before a court. Texas has some very good attorney general lawyers serving the public.


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[wishingfortwins]

Thank you! That helps plenty.