Father putthing child in harms way

[MamaB]

*a little backround before question*
I broke up with my ex fiance after 2 1/2 years of being together shortly after i got pregnant with my daughter in jan. 2009. I found out he was cheating on me with a lady from a bar he met while out drinking with his friends. He is 23 years old, got out of the marines in july of 2008 and has not had a job since. He has been collecting unemployment since jan. 2009 because he is too lazy to get a job.

Now he hid my pregnancy from his new girlfriend. He wanted nothing to do with me or the baby. He told me and several of my friends he wanted me to have an abortion or give the baby up for adoption because a baby would not fit into his new life. While i was 8 months pregnant his girlfriend found out i was pregnant and demanded that she meet and talk to me. While she met with me i found out that he had lied to her and told her that he didn't know i was pregnant. I was already a high risk pregnacy with having twin stillborns a year before and i was told by my doctor to stay our of stress because it could cause me problems. The last 2 weeks or so before i had my daughter i was under nothing but stress because my ex and his girlfriend would not stop harrishing me. I ended up having my daughter 4.7 weeks early as a result. After that I ended up having to take him to court because he was threatening me and everthing he could do to harrish me along with his girlfriend and mind you he did not sign her birth certifcate at the hospital because he was "too busy" to come up there.

After 3 months i dropped the order of protection i was granted and gave him visitation of 1 day a week on the orders that his girlfriend was not to have anything to do with my daughters care at all while she is with him because he lives in his girlfriends parents house and his girlfriend is 30 years old.

Today i found out that he plans on leaving my daughter with his girlfriend while he goes to file taxes for the unemployment, and when leaving my house i told him not to use my front door because the stairs have ice and he could fall. He did it anyway. Also last week he brought her home an hour early because he claimed she was sick, and she wasnt. He did not have her dressed for the weather which was 10 degrees out, and he took the undershirt i had on her off which is more of a chance of her getting sick with her chest being more exposed.

So i guess my question is, what right do i have to take this back to court and saying that he is putting her in harms way by the things he is doing?

 

[Duranie]

Some of what you metioned is totally irrelevant. The legal standard to parent is very low so you would have to prove he is neglectful. You can certainly bring this up in court but have you talked to him about it? Do not talk to the girlfriend at all. Also he does not have to obey every one of your requests. Accidents happen and frankly there is ice everywhere. He is just an idiot it sounds like and since he has such limited visits anyways, I doubt a court is going to give hin less.You might want to remind hin that he is to follow the court order.

 

[MamaB]

Some of what you metioned is totally irrelevant. The legal standard to parent is very low so you would have to prove he is neglectful. You can certainly bring this up in court but have you talked to him about it? Do not talk to the girlfriend at all. Also he does not have to obey every one of your requests. Accidents happen and frankly there is ice everywhere. He is just an idiot it sounds like and since he has such limited visits anyways, I doubt a court is going to give hin less.You might want to remind hin that he is to follow the court order.

see my lawyer said everything is relevant because it show is personality and his lack of responsiblies or disreguard for safety of our daughter. And in court he was ordered by the judge that our daughter was NEVER to be in the care of his girlfriend and yet he said that my daughter was going to be babysat by her while he is not home on his one visitation day. As far as the ice goes yes you are right there is ice everwhere, but my driveway has been salted and there is no ice on the driveway... where is car is parked. So i asked him to take her that way out of safety and he said he doesn't have to listen to me.

 

[MamaB]

he was also told by the judge that this is a privilage not a right to unsupervised visitation and that once he agreed to it, it is now an obligation and that he cant just show up late or bring her home late or early. he us supose to have her for his time. I had to call the police on him christmas eve because he refused to bring my 2 month old daughter home at 7:00pm when the order stated that she was supose to be home at 6:00pm. He told me i was ruining his plans. He only gets her on thursdays and christmas eve just happened to fall on a thursday. I had to wait until 8:30pm with the police at my house until he brought her home

 

[Proserpina]

What did your attorney say when you asked these things?

 

[Duranie]

I an speaking of the things like he never wanted the baby, he hid pregnancy from the GF. That does not matter. If he has a court order that prohibits the GF from being around the child then you can hold him in contempt but he does not have to follow other requests fromn you, that are not specifically mentioned.

 

[irish223]

I live in Illinois, and I'm a little curious about a few things.

Why were you granted an order of protection? Did he harm you physically? Why did the judge restrict his girlfriend from caring for the child? That's pretty unusual unless there's a compelling reason.

Why did the judge say unsupervised visitation was a privilege and not a right? Again, without a compelling reason, visitation IS a right for the father of the child. Also, I've never heard of a case in which the noncustodial parent was 'ordered' to keep a child until a designated time, although they are expected to return the child by that time.

What exactly does your court order state regarding visitation?

 

[army judge]

You chose to have sex with this bum. You did that, despite the fact he wasnt working. He hadnt sought work, yet you stayed with the cad. I bet you supported him, too! You and he had a child out if wedlock. You chose to speak with his girlfriend, in the hopes of placating this, worthless bum. You hooked up with a deadbeat. Isn't it time for YOU to be the grown up and parent your child? This bum won't grow up any time soon. Heck, he has no job, so I know he isn't paying child support. He was so bad, you had to seek an OOP! Move on, get counseling and minimize your contacts with this lout. You won't, because you think you can have him back. Why do women fight over useless bums?

Now, to answer your question, you have a constitutional right to take whatever you please to court. Will you prevail, no! But, if you do go to court, how about making him pay child support? While you're at it, ask for a DNA test, just to be convince him he's the dad.


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[MamaB]

You chose to have sex with this bum. You did that, despite the fact he wasnt working. He hadnt sought work, yet you stayed with the cad. I bet you supported him, too! You and he had a child out if wedlock. You chose to speak with his girlfriend, in the hopes of placating this, worthless bum. You hooked up with a deadbeat. Isn't it time for YOU to be the grown up and parent your child? This bum won't grow up any time soon. Heck, he has no job, so I know he isn't paying child support. He was so bad, you had to seek an OOP! Move on, get counseling and minimize your contacts with this lout. You won't, because you think you can have him back. Why do women fight over useless bums?

Now, to answer your question, you have a constitutional right to take whatever you please to court. Will you prevail, no! But, if you do go to court, how about making him pay child support? While you're at it, ask for a DNA test, just to be convince him he's the dad.


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See your wrong, I want nothing to do with him. I have moved on in my life. I have an even better job now, and living on my own with my family. Yes he does pay child support. I am not sure where he gets the money and i really dont care but he pays me ever 2 weeks. And as far as it goes for stayin with him, I stayed with him because we had been together for 2 years. My dad didnt have a job for almost 3 years and my mom didnt just get up and walk away from him because of it. I walked away because he cheated. and i DO PARENT NY CHILD and dont ever say i dont because i work hard to take care of my kids and i go to school.

 

[MamaB]

I live in Illinois, and I'm a little curious about a few things.

Why were you granted an order of protection? Did he harm you physically? Why did the judge restrict his girlfriend from caring for the child? That's pretty unusual unless there's a compelling reason.

Why did the judge say unsupervised visitation was a privilege and not a right? Again, without a compelling reason, visitation IS a right for the father of the child. Also, I've never heard of a case in which the noncustodial parent was 'ordered' to keep a child until a designated time, although they are expected to return the child by that time.

What exactly does your court order state regarding visitation?

To get an order or protection you do not have to harm someone physically, although if he had the chance he might have. I got the order of protection because 2 weeks after my daughter was born he came to my house pounding on my front door screaming and demanding that i bring my daughter outside that he was taking her for a visit at his house. Since my glass screen door is always locked i opened the front door and told him no, at that point he started pounding again hard enough to break the glass and actually cracked it. His girlfriend was standing on my driveway yelling and screaming also. He then threatened me that once he got his hands on my daughter i would never see her again.The judge, my lawyer and his lawyer agreed that his girlfriend may or may not harm my daughter out of hatred for me so Yes the judge put in our order that his girlfriend was not to care for my daughter in anyway at all, she is not to be left alone with my daughter and she is not allowed to be in control of any car that my daughter may or may not ride in. She was also ordered to stay away from my home on pick ups and drop offs which she has violated too because the judge said she was not to be in the car or on my driveway. VISTITAION is a RIGHT not UNSUPERVISED. Yes he was ordered in the order to keep her from 9:30am until 7:00pm no later, and no earlier. He was the one who asked for the allotted times.

 

[MamaB]

I an speaking of the things like he never wanted the baby, he hid pregnancy from the GF. That does not matter. If he has a court order that prohibits the GF from being around the child then you can hold him in contempt but he does not have to follow other requests fromn you, that are not specifically mentioned.

as far as the other requests, in my order it states when implied to the safety and wellbeing of child all requests by mother are relivent and to be followed as long as reasonable. I have not asked anything unreasonable. I have asked not to use my front door because of ice, i have asked to keep her undershirt on because of the cold since he feels that when he takes her he has to undress her when he gets home and put her in clothes that he bought her with gift cards from his family.

According the my lawyer and the judge, hiding my pregnancy and never wanting the baby in the first place shows he had no interest in my daughter until his girlfriend found out and pushed the issue of him getting visitation, which is one of the reasons his girlfriend wasn barred from caring for my daughter, because if he wants to persue visitation, he has to take care of her. Not to mention that the judge feels she could harm my daughter because she hates me.

 

[irish223]

IF your court order states what you say it does, then your ex is in contempt of the order. You can take him back to court to have the order enforced. That's all there is to it, IF your order is as restrictive as you claim.

BTW, I believe you're wrong about the rights of visitation. Unsupervised visitation is a right. If your ex has demonstrated a disregard for the law through his actions, then that right can be taken away.

You never told us exactly what your court order states. Quoting, word for word, from the order helps us to understand and give advice.

Sorry if I seem to be giving you a hard time. I'm simply having a hard time putting together all the pieces you've provided so that they make sense to me. For example:

i got pregnant with my daughter in jan. 2009......While i was 8 months pregnant his girlfriend found out i was pregnant and demanded that she meet and talk to me. While she met with me i found out that he had lied to her and told her that he didn't know i was pregnant. I was already a high risk pregnacy with having twin stillborns a year before and i was told by my doctor to stay our of stress because it could cause me problems. The last 2 weeks or so before i had my daughter i was under nothing but stress because my ex and his girlfriend would not stop harrishing me. I ended up having my daughter 4.7 weeks early as a result.... I had to call the police on him christmas eve because he refused to bring my 2 month old daughter home at 7:00pm when the order stated that she was supose to be home at 6:00pm.