Ex wants his visitation with one child 6 and not the other 9

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seffysmiles

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My ex doesn't want our oldest to come to his house any more for his weekends. the 9yr old says she is fine with this and she never wants to see him again. I don't know what went on but shes not talking and ex says she "hurt his and his wifes feelings". My kids just got back from a 2week visit with their father and now are acting weird. Example : They woke me up this morning (I'm a stay at home mom) and for the next half hour repeatedly appologized for waking me up. I told them repeatedly as children it was their job to bug mommy and I wasn't mad. Both have been saying sorry for the littlest things and they keep asking if I'm mad at them. I'm not mad just concerned, cause my 6yr old doesn't want to go alone next time. Both girls said step mom says things like "I'll get rid of you two before I'll ever get rid of my dogs.", and fights supposedly awful with their dad physically in front of them. My husband and I don't fight in front of the kids. He has never hit me, and I have never hit him. We both get really quiet when mad and normally go our separate ways till we calm down, then we talk. The kids are with me 90% of the time so they just don't see fighting and it scares them.

Ok, my question is can he refuse one and take the other? Is this abuse? The 9yr old has almost borderline hate for her father and this time no amount on my part of "your father loves you" is helping. Any advice? Please?
 
Its not abuse to refuse his visit time with his children However if there is violence in his home or anythng that could impact child in a negative since that might be actionable. Talk to your children but do not pressure them for answers. If they tell you anything like you have reported here file a report with childrens services
 
If you can afford to do so you might want to pay for a couple visits to a psychiatrist who may be able to get some info out of the kids.
If they are witnessing domestic violence and a psych report suggests the kids are negatively effected by it then you may be able to change the visitation order.
 
The child has no say in visiting or not visiting dad to mom. Dad, has a say. Yes, he can take LaQuinta to visit him, and not take Hilton. It ain't fair, but it's legal. Dad or mom can choose, children can't. Dad can choose not to exercise his visitation for three weekends, and choose to exercise it on the fourth.

I wouldn't argue with him about it. I would ask him to sign a document indicating the following for your protection. He might try and say you're not allowing him his visits.

>I, Big Daddy, voluntarily choose to waive my court ordered visitation with my son, Son of Daddy on Friday, February 65th, 2033.

Signed, Big Daddy<

If he won't sign, I'd just begin keeping a log documenting his choice to take Sissy, and leaving Sonny.


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Background info- 9yr old has been seeing psychologist since she was 5 for the emotional abuse her father puts her through. (Everything from "I don't want you" to "I want your mother to die" and more.) He has had 3 Emergency order of protection. 1 in 2007 for emotional abuse, 1 in 2010 for fingerprint bruises on my then 5yr olds bottom for a spanking, and 1 in 2011 for bruises on my then 8yr olds bottom for spanking. All were dropped cause leaving bruises while spanking apparently are not abuse in the eyes of the law. 6yr old has begun to see same psychologist within this last yr. The psychologist as well as the school counselor have said we have evidence against him but its still borderline crappy parenting, and they won't take visitation away for that. (even though they should)

We have a parenting journal that we both write in. Yes it will be documented and I copy the pages before I send them to his house so he can't rip them out. They are numbered as well.

Children's services have not helped me very much other than to tell me that emotional abuse is the hardest to prove and most of the time the damage has already been done before the abuse is stopped. I seriously have spent thousands of dollars trying to help my children over the course of 5yrs.

I'm emotionally and physically drained but keep going cause they are my babies. I really appriciate all your help and feedback. Thank you so much.
 
I think you are causing as much of their emotional issues as he is. Learn to coparent and hope he does also. The children deserve 2 parents working for their best interests, not their own petty emotions.
 
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