I have concieved a child by a married man. His name is not on the birth certificate and I have not taken out child support. I did give the child his last name. I have decided to raise the child own my on without his help. Does he have any parental rights and can he get them? Can he ask for a paternity test and do I have to give him one?
Does he have any rights?
- Thread Starter luvsaverb
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This man was at one time my best friend or at least I thought. After his conscious got the best of him and he told his wife, I knew that it would get nasty and given that he was also a paster at a local church, even nastier for me and my child. I have cut all communication. His wife has contacted me a couple of times but the communication between us is no more. Do you know if I can deny paternity if he tries to get the court involved? Thank you for the answers to my questions and for not necessarily judging me.
One more question please. If I was to let my current boyfriend to adopt my son, could I deny him paternity then? I am just trying to protect my son and I just want this whole situation to go away. I dont want any type of communication going on between myself and him or his wife. I think that this man being in my sons life would be more of a detriment than a help and can forsee it becoming more of a henderance and very hurtful in the future. He could never love, provide or treat my son like his other two daughters by his wife. He pretends to be concerned but I believe if his wife ever felt threatened that he would cut off the relationship with my son and leave him hurt and scarred. Just trying to protect my son.
Sad thing is that I really cared about this man, truthfully in love with him and thats why I love my son so much and enough for both of us and wont him out of my sons life completely. Thank you for taking the time to respond to my concerns, its important to me because time is one of the few things that after given away cannot get or take back. I appreciate you.
Sad thing is that I really cared about this man, truthfully in love with him and thats why I love my son so much and enough for both of us and wont him out of my sons life completely. Thank you for taking the time to respond to my concerns, its important to me because time is one of the few things that after given away cannot get or take back. I appreciate you.
ohiogranny
New Member
You would have to be married at least a year before the "stepdad" could adopt. I believe you'd have to petition the possible father in order to do that. He would have to be found the legal father before he could relinquish his rights.
Someone correct me if I'm wrong.
Someone correct me if I'm wrong.
You know who the father is. In an adoption proceeding, you will be asked to identify him so that he can be served notice. If you say you don't know, you will be committing fraud.
As you've been advised, right now there is no LEGAL father.
If the biological father asks for visitation/custody, the court will order a paternity test.
If he is proven to be the father, he will at least get visitation. You will also be entitled to child support.
If he never seeks to establish paternity/parental rights, then everything continues as it is.
If you want to have a step-parent adoption in the future, you will have to identify the bio father so that his parental rights can be established then terminated (with his consent).
That's just the way the law works to protect the parental rights of all parents.
As you've been advised, right now there is no LEGAL father.
If the biological father asks for visitation/custody, the court will order a paternity test.
If he is proven to be the father, he will at least get visitation. You will also be entitled to child support.
If he never seeks to establish paternity/parental rights, then everything continues as it is.
If you want to have a step-parent adoption in the future, you will have to identify the bio father so that his parental rights can be established then terminated (with his consent).
That's just the way the law works to protect the parental rights of all parents.
Thank you Irish I appreciate it, so basically I can't deny him paternity if he seeks it but he will also be responsible for child support once paternity is established. I really don't want this mans influence over my son but as it stand he has no rights until he hires and attorney and pays to establish paternity. I guess I was hoping that my current boyfriend could adopt him before paternity from the bio father was established so that we all could move on with our lives and that would be in the best interest of my son. But thanks anyway.
lonelyinny
New Member
bf is not dad
and dont even think of letting your bf sign the bc( birth certificate). you both know he is not the father, and youll be commiting the crime of fraud.
and dont even think of letting your bf sign the bc( birth certificate). you both know he is not the father, and youll be commiting the crime of fraud.
jharris352
New Member
You have lots to think about
I really want to address your questions and make some comments you need to think about.
1. Does he have rights? Absolutely he has rights and will be able to enforce those rights if he seeks to establish paternity. If he seeks to establish paternity you will have to do a DNA test. If he is the father, there WILL BE A SUPPORT ORDER, and he will have visitation rights. More importantly than that, your child has a right to know his father and you are being shortsighted in trying to deny him that. Your child also deserves the financial support that his father can give him up to and including college. Your child also deserves to share in this man's inheritance.
2. Your boyfriend can not adopt your son.
3. If you MARRY your boyfriend, there are different rules in each state about when he can adopt as the step parent. However, before he can adopt, you have to serve notice on the punitive father and he must give up his rights to his child or you can have those rights terminated for cause (like abandonment). If you attempt to have your husband adopt the child without notifying the punitive father you will be in contempt and can go to jail.
4. If you ever receive Medicaid, or Welfare the state will probably seek to recover from him in the form of child support. That will bring him into the picture.
The biggest thing you should consider is that you are robbing your child of his father. I don't buy that you are doing this, "for his own good." He needs a father, he needs to know the truth, and his father needs to share in the support of this child. It's pretty selfish to not take the child's need to a father into account. Boyfriends don't count. Until he is willing to commit to you, he sure isn't going to commit to your child.
By the way, the child's father could always come after you for CUSTODY too. So you might want to consider just getting this taken care of. Get a custody order while you are in good shape, get a child support order, and let this child see his daddy before you end up losing the child to this married man.
I am not trying to be judgmental, I have had affairs of my own, and I am the adopted son FROM an affair. You have already made a bad decision to have an affair with a married man that resulted in a child. Please don't compound that mistake by alienating your son from his father. Your son will not appreciate you doing that when he is old enough to understand.
Good luck.
I really want to address your questions and make some comments you need to think about.
1. Does he have rights? Absolutely he has rights and will be able to enforce those rights if he seeks to establish paternity. If he seeks to establish paternity you will have to do a DNA test. If he is the father, there WILL BE A SUPPORT ORDER, and he will have visitation rights. More importantly than that, your child has a right to know his father and you are being shortsighted in trying to deny him that. Your child also deserves the financial support that his father can give him up to and including college. Your child also deserves to share in this man's inheritance.
2. Your boyfriend can not adopt your son.
3. If you MARRY your boyfriend, there are different rules in each state about when he can adopt as the step parent. However, before he can adopt, you have to serve notice on the punitive father and he must give up his rights to his child or you can have those rights terminated for cause (like abandonment). If you attempt to have your husband adopt the child without notifying the punitive father you will be in contempt and can go to jail.
4. If you ever receive Medicaid, or Welfare the state will probably seek to recover from him in the form of child support. That will bring him into the picture.
The biggest thing you should consider is that you are robbing your child of his father. I don't buy that you are doing this, "for his own good." He needs a father, he needs to know the truth, and his father needs to share in the support of this child. It's pretty selfish to not take the child's need to a father into account. Boyfriends don't count. Until he is willing to commit to you, he sure isn't going to commit to your child.
By the way, the child's father could always come after you for CUSTODY too. So you might want to consider just getting this taken care of. Get a custody order while you are in good shape, get a child support order, and let this child see his daddy before you end up losing the child to this married man.
I am not trying to be judgmental, I have had affairs of my own, and I am the adopted son FROM an affair. You have already made a bad decision to have an affair with a married man that resulted in a child. Please don't compound that mistake by alienating your son from his father. Your son will not appreciate you doing that when he is old enough to understand.
Good luck.
jharris352
New Member
I am very new to this board. Last night was my first night so I am still figuring this thing out. Can you have a little patience? Besides, the answer is good. Someone else may need it.
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