Differences with wife on issues related to in-laws (California)

[welkin]

She said the only thing she wants is 50% of all our wealth.

What about her wealth? You don't have any idea where her money is or how much it might be.

 

[adjusterjack]

she has already started the process of "legal separation"

Check your county's family court to see if anything has been filed yet.

She said the only thing she wants is 50% of all our wealth.

Meaning half your wealth. That's how community property works. But it's not necessarily 50/50. There could be offsets arranged.

At what point do I hire an attorney?

Now.

If so, what would be the role of the attorney - to defend the legal separation or to make sure the assets get divided equally.

To file for divorce and protect your interests. Being separated and married is a horrible idea.

What happens to my retirement assets ? She is below the retirement age. Does this mean I have to liquidate them and pay 50% taxes and give her the rest.

Not necessarily. If you have IRAs and such, the accounts can be split into separate accounts under a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO). Then she can take her account and do what she wants with it. You would not have any tax liability.

A non-qualified investment account would work the same way but probably would not require a QDRO. She would open up her own brokerage account. Half the assets in your account would be transferred "in kind." You wouldn't have to sell anything and would incur no tax liability.

I am retired without a job, but do freelance and make some income (inconsistent though). Do I have to pay her 50% of my income every month? for how long? Similarly my wife works as a teacher (more stable). Does she have to pay me 50% of her salary?

Try this spousal support calculator. Again, doesn't necessarily have to be 50/50. Offsets can be worked out depending on the assets and income of each of you.

California Maintenance (Alimony) Calculator | Legal Calculators

New 2022 California Maintenance Calculator. This 2022 California alimony calculator makes California alimony calculations. 2022 California spousal support calculator.

calculators.law

4. If she keeps our primary home, does it mean I have to move out?

You wouldn't have to, but you risk your sanity if you continue living with the (I'll be nice) woman.

Would she pay rent (which is expensive in our area)?

The way a house works is that you are each entitled to half the equity. If she gets the house she will have to pay you your half. If she doesn't have the money, that's where offsets come in. You can retain a larger share of your assets to compensate.

Assuming the legal separation process has started, how many months does this take in California?
What would be the approx cost an attorney would charge in CA?

My divorce in a community property state took two years. $20,000 in attorney fees and that was 25 years ago. A car that cost $20,000 in 1998 costs $50,000 today. YMMV. But if you want to keep your attorney fees under control learn how to compromise. It'll only hurt for a little while and then it will be over and you'll be free at last, free at last, thank God almighty, free at last.

 

[pcgo]

You are right. I contacted one of the attorneys regarding our issue. He said:
1. For Legal separation, both of the parties have to agree, even in California. This is different from the other attorney I contacted.
2. Charges would be about $50K to $100K (at $400 per hour) depending on how long the negotiations go for the separation of the asset

Now,, my wife says she wants me to give her some amount if I want her to stop the legal separation process. To me this is pure blackmail. She doesnt realize whatever I earn is her's and our children's.
Reminds me of the goose story that laid golden eggs.The goose was laying 1 golden egg a day. The owner got greedy and decided to kill the goose so that he can take all the golden eggs instead of getting 1 golden egg per day!

Its strange how people change when it comes to money. They dont realize that when they leave this world they can't take even a penny with them....

 

[adjusterjack]

Now,, my wife says she wants me to give her some amount if I want her to stop the legal separation process. To me this is pure blackmail.

Legal blackmail. Called negotiating. LOL.

Its strange how people change when it comes to money.

Love goes out the door when money comes in the window.

They don't realize that when they leave this world they can't take even a penny with them....

True, but they can sure enjoy it while they are here.

Kidding aside, CA has some seriously good self help guides, forms and instructions if you want to take a shot at filing for divorce without hiring a lawyer.

Divorce in California | California Courts | Self Help Guide

Overview In California, you get a divorce by starting a court case. No one has to prove someone did something wrong to cause the divorce (this is called no fault divorce). You can get a divorce even if the other person doesn't want one.

selfhelp.courts.ca.gov

Once you get her served, she might see how serious things are and be willing to negotiate. No guarantees there. Maybe do a little blackmail of your own by telling her how much of her money will go to lawyers and that you can afford to drag it out for a year or two before she sees a nickel. That's not legal advice, just a personal comment based on almost getting screwed over during my divorce.

 

[leslie82]

Me and my wife have been married for over 35 years. We have 2 kids and both have moved out and are well settled.
We live in California.

For several years, my wife has been picking up fights related to my supporting my old mother, who is also legally blind (has
macular degeneration). My dad passed away in 2012. In 2012 I asked my mom to come and stay with us till she can get on her feet.
My wife ill treated my mom so much that my mom decided not to stay with us anymore.
Even if I go and see my mom, my wife doesn't like it and always picks up fights over this.

Financially I have paid for all expenses - household expenses (including mortgage), children's education, travel etc.
Basically my wife has never paid a single bill for any of the family expenses, though she is a teacher with decent salary.
For the last nearly 30 years, I have been
giving a sizable pocket money every month to cover for groceries. I always felt that it's still savings whether she saves or if I save.
I thought it would complement my investment style, which has been more aggressive, though I have done reasonably well.

Now, my wife is very mad at me for supporting my mom. She is threatening to leave the house and asking me to pay for her rent.
I am already retired and I told her I can't afford to pay rent.
Can she leave the house without my knowledge?
She is also threatening to file legal separation. Not sure what this means.
Under these circumstances what are the options available to me?
Thank you!

Yes she's free to come and go from the home when she wants. I mean she can ask you to pay rent if she moves out, you don't have to. If she files legal separation, I would suggest getting a lawyer if she does file anything.

 

[leslie82]

You are right. I contacted one of the attorneys regarding our issue. He said:
1. For Legal separation, both of the parties have to agree, even in California. This is different from the other attorney I contacted.
2. Charges would be about $50K to $100K (at $400 per hour) depending on how long the negotiations go for the separation of the asset

Now,, my wife says she wants me to give her some amount if I want her to stop the legal separation process. To me this is pure blackmail. She doesnt realize whatever I earn is her's and our children's.
Reminds me of the goose story that laid golden eggs.The goose was laying 1 golden egg a day. The owner got greedy and decided to kill the goose so that he can take all the golden eggs instead of getting 1 golden egg per day!

Its strange how people change when it comes to money. They dont realize that when they leave this world they can't take even a penny with them....

I would just hire a lawyer and let the lawyer deal with her. You file for separation first. Or divorce.