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Developing situation, guided by council. Still no results!

Discussion in 'Divorce, Separation, Annulment' started by Member 126976, Oct 1, 2019.

  1. Member 126976

    Member 126976 Law Topic Starter Guest

    Jurisdiction:
    Arkansas
    Hello to everyone here that taps into this thread and decides to have a read! My name is Michael, I'm 32 and I'm currently pursuing my Bachelor's in Nursing & I'm on my way to get my APRN. Figured I'd start with a small bit about myself before throwing the whole kitchen sink out there and break the ice. So, what I have going on is what some would say is "common" or "normal" with divorce. Although I am not the one going through the divorce I am the significant other to the woman that is. We have been together for some time now and her ex just continues to drag out their divorce because it is the only way he can still maintain control over her and how she decides to live her life. They have 2 children together that she gained temporary custody over and he is allowed unsupervised visitation when he is in the state and is allowed unsupervised phone calls with the two children as well. *PROBLEM* The reason their marriage fell apart is due to his lack of support, his abuse in the form of spiritual, mental, and physical, and his addiction to pornography. But wait, there's more! They were a Jehovah's Witness family until mom decided she was tired of the abuse and raising little robots that are convinced Armageddon is tomorrow, don't associate with anyone non-Jehovah's witness, shun the world, reject the country and the constitution, avoid police and anyone outside of the congregation, and refuse medical attention needed to save your life if need be. She had dealt with this for 12 years with this monster and finally wants her girls to live and thrive. She made her decision's before I even came into the picture. now fast forward 9 months to now. We've had court and have gone back and fourth attorney-to-attorney & it seems we're getting no place.. The last hearing granted mom temporary full-custody but his attorney had a morality law put in place so I can no longer be home when they are asleep which is slowly tearing us apart. It conflicts the girls, it's not fair to them or mom. if it's in the best interest of them then why am I being torn out of their life? I've been their financial and emotional support and we've started a great foundation but this "ex" of hers has chosen to not be apart of their life unless its the bare minimum which legally allows him to maintain some form of control just to make them miserable. What can we do? is their anyway we can seek stronger council that will aim to make this man and his dirt and true ways a point in front of the judge? He hasn't even fought for custody and has made it clear he isn't going to relocate closer to his kids to be a part of their life, but when he has visitation he's going to force Jehovah's witness rhetoric on them which is going to conflict them. They're in girl scouts, have friends and family that actually care about them, and make A's in school but as soon as he enters the picture the horrible tantrums, morbid thoughts, and anger arise from them. We need strong council. And we don't know what to do.
     
  2. justblue

    justblue Well-Known Member

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    Does your GF have an attorney?
     
  3. Zigner

    Zigner Well-Known Member

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    I guess I'm missing something here. Why can't you and she simply date? Why do you have to spend the night?

    Oh...and in case you forget, there is no "we" - "we" haven't had court hearings, etc. This is between your girlfriend and her husband. Butt out. Really.
     
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  4. justblue

    justblue Well-Known Member

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    Because it will "tear " them apart if he isn't sleeping with mommy. Apparently the concept of finishing one relationship before starting a new one isn't in the parenting 101 guide that the GF bought. In her book they teach exposing ones children to an adulterous relationship.
     
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  5. army judge

    army judge Super Moderator

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    There is no we, Lone Ranger, as regards this married woman and her two kiddies.

    The BEST thing you can do, won't cost you one nickel.

    You won't even need to hire a lawyer.

    All you need to do is focus on your studies, graduate, and agree with the married woman to stay away from her UNTIL she is divorced.

    Now you're wondering why must you do that?

    Temperance and moderation in all things mate will eventually achieve the things you desire.

    If and when the married woman is divorced, that's when you and she can marry, beginning your new life TOGETHER.

    If you continue as you have been, it only harms you, the married woman, and her children.

    By the way, her children will never be yours.

    That's something you must also acknowledge.

    Lastly, it couldn't hurt the married woman to begin counseling, nor will it hurt you.

    In fact,it'll make the near term bearable, while you seek the far term.
     
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  6. zddoodah

    zddoodah Well-Known Member

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    Without facts, this is a meaningless, conslusory allegation.

    As for your questions, there is no "we" here, and there is nothing you can do other than support your girlfriend emotionally and financially. The divorce is between your girlfriend and her husband. It's not completely clear, but it sounds like your girlfriend has a lawyer, so she should be conferring with him/her about strategy and the best way to proceed to try and obtain the results that she desires. As for the stress that her situation is imposing on your relationship, that's what you signed up for when you chose to engage in this relationship with a married woman.
     
  7. Member 126976

    Member 126976 Law Topic Starter Guest

    Yes, She does have an attorney. I guess maybe things aren't being made clear between them, not sure!
     
  8. Member 126976

    Member 126976 Law Topic Starter Guest

    Your obviously one sided here. You're also rude and I don't appreciate your labeling! if you don't have any good advice and just want to throw words out then maybe you should look for another post to comment on. If you can't be nice, please shut your mouth.
     
  9. justblue

    justblue Well-Known Member

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    You are posting about your married girlfriends divorce and including all kinds of identifying information. If her ex were to stumble across your thread how do you think that may affect her divorce/custody case. Did it occur to you that by posting extraordinary insulting comments about the childrens FATHER on the INTERNET you could negatively impact her custody case? Social Media/Forums postings can and very often ARE used in Family Law cases everyday. I've seen more than one over-involved 3rd party cause their husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend to lose custody and the 3rd party LEGALLY RESTRAINED from any and all contact with the children.
     
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  10. justblue

    justblue Well-Known Member

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    Ask the attorney what s/he thinks of your posting about her/his clients case on the internet.
     
  11. Member 126976

    Member 126976 Law Topic Starter Guest

    .
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 1, 2019
  12. Red Kayak

    Red Kayak Active Member

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    Fact: Your girlfriend is still married.
    Fact: A romantic and/or sexual relationship where one of the parties is married is, by definition, an adulterous relationship. You are in an adulterous relationship. You and your girlfriend are adulterers.
    Fact: Violating the morality clause in the temporary orders could result in a change of custody, should Dad wish to press the issue. Especially since you're pretty openly dissing Dad's religion.

    Pointing out facts is not being rude or mean.

    Realistically, you are not helping your girlfriend, and you are being a poor example to the children, who are allegedly Girl Scouts. You are not being "honest and fair", nor are you being "courageous and strong". (<-- Look up the Girl Scout Law.)

    Juliette Gordon Low (founder of Girl Scouts of USA) was fond of the phrase, "Right is right, even if no one else is doing it."

    Have the courage to do the right thing: reread Army Judge's post, and take it to heart.

    P.S. "Married on Paper" is still married. Really. Those among us who have been a party in a contested divorce can attest that no matter how long the divorce took, that there is a huge difference between a finalized divorce and "married on paper". The exception, perhaps, is for those rare divorces that go to trial, especially if over cause (even rarer) - there is a lag between the judge's decision and the final decree.
     
    Last edited: Oct 1, 2019
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  13. Member 126976

    Member 126976 Law Topic Starter Guest

    I do in fact understand what you're saying to me, I'm not disagreeing with you. I was simply responding to being bashed and treated poorly, that's not fair or right either. I was looking information. I realize I won't get much here other than being told to scram and drop them like a hot potato. If you have access please remove my post and account. I am unable to do so myself because there is no account removal link in settings or any place I've looked.
     
  14. Zigner

    Zigner Well-Known Member

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    You simply are not getting it. You don't have to "drop them", but you do need to realize that you are not a legally involved party and that your continued actions may actually do more harm than good. You just need to back off. You've only been with her 9 months - you are not the end-all-be-all to her situation.
     
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  15. justblue

    justblue Well-Known Member

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    I didn't say that...though I think it poor parenting to bring the new BF around the children when one is still married. It is a terrible example for the children. you are the one whining about the moral clause (which is kind of standard for the divorce process) and by not being able to sleep over it is "tearing apart" the relationship. That is just a silly thing to post...but if true, that is indicative of a doomed relationship anyway.
     
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  16. shrinkmaster

    shrinkmaster Well-Known Member

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    First off your getting "free" advice from "Volunteers" so you get what you pay for. Second YOU are NOT a party to her legal issues so you have NO say so in this matter. Anything you do could harm her case. Do you want that? If not being able to sleep over is that big of an issue than perhaps this relationship is based more on physical needs/wants than emotional ones. (I did say perhaps). Seeking a long term/permanent relationship with someone going through a Divorce does not have much positive projections but you never know. Your best action is to stay uninvolved in her legal woes and follow ALL instructions her Attorney advises in regards to you. If you do otherwise and damage her case you will also likely end your relationship.

     
  17. leslie82

    leslie82 Well-Known Member

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    He's not her ex legally...and you're not involved. She can get a lawyer. Do a Google search. Find ones near her that do free consultations.

    I would say drop this baggage quick but it's your life.
     
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  18. leslie82

    leslie82 Well-Known Member

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    Oh please. Kids learn far worse via their friends and social media.
     

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