Custody

[nydriver73]

My husband just served me with a divorce paper. Currently we have a verbal agreement that our son stays with him on Mondays and Tuesdays and every other weekend. I don't want to oblige to this verbal agreement anymore. Do I have the right to file for sole custody in the family court? I font want my child to visit his father anymore?

Thank you

 

[Betty3]

I doubt you can keep the child from ever visiting his Father. You need to work out custody/visitation through the court system.

 

[Proserpina]

My husband just served me with a divorce paper. Currently we have a verbal agreement that our son stays with him on Mondays and Tuesdays and every other weekend. I don't want to oblige to this verbal agreement anymore. Do I have the right to file for sole custody in the family court? I font want my child to visit his father anymore?

Thank you

Assuming this is actually a real post...


...you have no chance whatsoever of getting no visitation with Dad.

Dad has an excellent chance of keeping things as they are.

You on the other hand need to tread very, very carefully. Why? Because this will be an initial determination of custody, the court may well decide that Dad is the parent most likely to facilitate a relationship with you and award him custody instead.

 

[Proserpina]

Afterthought:

You were going through divorce several years ago. So what's the real story here?

 

[army judge]

My husband just served me with a divorce paper. Currently we have a verbal agreement that our son stays with him on Mondays and Tuesdays and every other weekend. I don't want to oblige to this verbal agreement anymore. Do I have the right to file for sole custody in the family court? I font want my child to visit his father anymore?

Thank you

You don't have a right to file for sole custody, per se, but you can choose to file for sole custody.

In fact, NOT filing for a child custody order would be stupid. Why?

That VERBAL AGREEMENT never meant ANYTHING, and means even less than NOTHING now.

It's unlikely tat EITHER one if your will get SOLE custody, but that's for the court to determine.

So, by ALL means, have your Asher file for an temporary custody order, temporary chid support order, too.
The permanent one should come out of the divorce process.

 

[nydriver73]

"Sniff Sniff" Ok you got me! I apologize for posting as a mother. I am with someone who is going through it right now. We have his son coming to our home for about a year (the same verbal agreement). He is very happy in our home. She was served with the divorce paper on Wednesday and she kept him home on Monday from school (knowing that Monday is his day). THe father is a very responsible man. He has provided everything for his son as the best as he can and they have a beautiful relationship with his son. The father is waiting for Friday to come to see if she is still trying to keep the son away from him. If she is still trying to keep him away from the father. He will go to the court and file a temporary custody divorce. She has done this before if she is angry with him about something. Except this time she has been served with the paper and I assume she is angry about it.
Again, I apologize for giving you a wrong impression of me. If you any advise for us please let me know. Thank you sincerely Mary

 

[Betty3]

As we mentioned previously, get custody & visitation set up through the court system.

 

[Proserpina]

Go get Dad, and have him read my post.

What Mom is doing is playing an incredibly childish and selfish game and yes, it can seriously backfire on her.

Again, when custody is being determined a very important factor is the likelihood of the parent to encourage the relationship between the child and the other parent. Mom seems to be doing the complete opposite. In fact, it's SO important that all else being equal, the scales tip HEAVILY in Dad's favor. It can literally be the ace up his sleeve.

He's obviously very capable of taking care of his child. He just needs to keep calm and make sure he doesn't fall into the trap she's trying to lay.

 

[nydriver73]

Thank you very much! We will take every step the right way.

 

[nydriver73]

Should the father file through the county where he resides or the county where the mother resides? The child does live with each parent 50% of the time. The divorce paper was filed in the county where the father resides.
Thanks

 

[army judge]

Should the father file through the county where he resides or the county where the mother resides? The child does live with each parent 50% of the time. The divorce paper was filed in the county where the father resides.
Thanks

If the divorce decree speaks to custody, visitation, or the child(ren), then the court which presided over the divorce.

If dad plans to do this pro se, he needs to educate himself about custody, visitation, and support laws.

This is a start:

http://www.kohtzlaw.com/child-custody-visitation.html

http://cordellcordell.com/resources/new-york/new-york-child-custody-questions/


https://www.childsupport.ny.gov/dcse/non_custodial_parent_info.html

These are good sites that speak to father's rights (even though a couple are law firms, they offer useful information):

http://www.fathersrightsnys.com/

http://www.nydivorcefirm.com/child-visitation/fathers-rights-lawyers-ny/

http://www.sagergellerman.com/new-york/father-rights/

 

[nydriver73]

He just served her and she has 22 days to answer. After he served her on Tuesday, the following Monday, she didn't send the son to school and never inform the father even though he has called her several times. He texted her again Tuesday morning and she finally responsed saying the son is sick and she is not sure if she will send him to school or not. She also tried to change the verbal agreed vistation to every other weekend. He wants to maintain the schedule it has been especially the son is in third grade and he is a former educator where he can help his son with the new testing standards. His older son also have been picking up the son every Mondays and Tuesdays. The school also knows about the schedule. The son has been coming to the father's house every Mondays and Tuesdays and every other weekend for about a year. He also has been paying child support even though they have a shared vistation. Should the father suspend the child support at this moment? or continue to pay the child support? Is there anyway he can get a immediate action to have a temp. custody of his son?

 

[army judge]

He just served her and she has 22 days to answer. After he served her on Tuesday, the following Monday, she didn't send the son to school and never inform the father even though he has called her several times. He texted her again Tuesday morning and she finally responsed saying the son is sick and she is not sure if she will send him to school or not. She also tried to change the verbal agreed vistation to every other weekend. He wants to maintain the schedule it has been especially the son is in third grade and he is a former educator where he can help his son with the new testing standards. His older son also have been picking up the son every Mondays and Tuesdays. The school also knows about the schedule. The son has been coming to the father's house every Mondays and Tuesdays and every other weekend for about a year. He also has been paying child support even though they have a shared vistation. Should the father suspend the child support at this moment? or continue to pay the child support? Is there anyway he can get a immediate action to have a temp. custody of his son?

There is no verbal agreement that has any inherent legal weight.

For any visitation or custody or support order to have legal authority, it must be issued by a court.

Absent a court order determining a visitation schedule, mom can do anything she wishes.

That said, so can dad.

Bottom line, you can forget what you keep calling the verbal agreement.

It's about as valuable as a tissue someone used to blow their nose.

That's why going to court is so valuable for everyone.

It establishes the legal boundaries in this matter, and the judge lays it out and orders it for all parties to obey.

No, the father shouldn't PUNISH his child by NOT paying court ordered child support.

Dad must obey ALL court orders.

You're complicating this, maybe you should let dad and mom work this out alone?

If its the VERBALLY AGREED to child support, the court considers that not child support, rather it's a gift.

I hope the child support is based on a court ordered or the state agency brokered and collected child support.

 

[nydriver73]

The father is paying what the court has ordered. These are the questions the father has asked me to inquire. I do not influence his decision in any way. He is trying his best to work everything out with the mother amicably. Unfortunately, like wise is not reciprocal.
Thanks

 

[army judge]

The father is paying what the court has ordered. These are the questions the father has asked me to inquire. I do not influence his decision in any way. He is trying his best to work everything out with the mother amicably. Unfortunately, like wise is not reciprocal.
Thanks

Great, so the court that issued the child support order has obtained jurisdiction over this matter.
This is easy.
Dad simply continues paying child support as the existing order instructs.

Dad is planning on going back to court and seeking a court order for visitation, and perhaps custody.

Mom must have custody now, so dad needs to be able to prove a significant change in circumstances to convince the court to change custody from mom to him, if he seeks custody.
Usually that is very hard to do, unless mom is unable to care for the child (sudden onset of mental illness that renders mom unable to care for herself or the kid - (for example; mom is convicted and sent to prison for a serious crime, mom takes very ill with a heart problem, etc...), barring something of that nature, custody is probably not going to be changed. But, dad will get visitation, and that is why she is arguing. This is to be expected , if divorced parents can't overcome the past and face the future for the kid. The good news is, if they fail to agree, the court will decide for them. And, dad will get some of what he wants. It just takes time, and it takes putting egos aside to be great parents. I thank God I never lived this nightmare, but I;ve seen people get better over time to make sure their kids have good lives.

 

[Proserpina]

Great, so the court that issued the child support order has obtained jurisdiction over this matter.
This is easy.
Dad simply continues paying child support as the existing order instructs.

Dad is planning on going back to court and seeking a court order for visitation, and perhaps custody.

Mom must have custody now, so dad needs to be able to prove a significant change in circumstances to convince the court to change custody from mom to him, if he seeks custody.
Usually that is very hard to do, unless mom is unable to care for the child (sudden onset of mental illness that renders mom unable to care for herself or the kid - (for example; mom is convicted and sent to prison for a serious crime, mom takes very ill with a heart problem, etc...), barring something of that nature, custody is probably not going to be changed. But, dad will get visitation, and that is why she is arguing. This is to be expected , if divorced parents can't overcome the past and face the future for the kid. The good news is, if they fail to agree, the court will decide for them. And, dad will get some of what he wants. It just takes time, and it takes putting egos aside to be great parents. I thank God I never lived this nightmare, but I;ve seen people get better over time to make sure their kids have good lives.

Not quite accurate.

This is an initial determination of custody; Dad stands equal before the court (once paternity is established, at least) and doesn't need a CoC. It will fall to "best interests" and if Dad can show that Mom has no intention of facilitating the child/parent relationship it can be a huge issue for Mom.

 

[magareb]

I got it loud and clear. Since then she has not attempted to stop, however when the child knows the day is coming as most children do he asks (basically like a reminder) his mother if he is going with me tomorrow (meaning monday or friday). She has either chosen not to answer him (2 fridays ago) or more recently y'day when she told him no. He asked why and no answer. He called me and I told him he knows he comes with me tomorrow (meaning today). I know she wants to get into an argument with me, but for the sake of argument let's say she doesn't stop me from getting him today, What can I do in regards to what I think she is doing to him mentally. Yes I am documenting but I'm not sure I can stay composed even though I know she is trying really hard to provoke me hence is why I don't want to speak to her right now. I don't think I can go to court if she is not keeping him away from me. Is that a correct thought?

 

[army judge]

I got it loud and clear. Since then she has not attempted to stop, however when the child knows the day is coming as most children do he asks (basically like a reminder) his mother if he is going with me tomorrow (meaning monday or friday). She has either chosen not to answer him (2 fridays ago) or more recently y'day when she told him no. He asked why and no answer. He called me and I told him he knows he comes with me tomorrow (meaning today). I know she wants to get into an argument with me, but for the sake of argument let's say she doesn't stop me from getting him today, What can I do in regards to what I think she is doing to him mentally. Yes I am documenting but I'm not sure I can stay composed even though I know she is trying really hard to provoke me hence is why I don't want to speak to her right now. I don't think I can go to court if she is not keeping him away from me. Is that a correct thought?

You can do NOTHING.
You wait until the court date, tell the judge.
Less is always more, and we all just need to STFU.

We aren't the BOSS of others.
Run your own circus and leave others be.

THINK, there's good reasons you're divorced or no longer involved, if you weren't married.

Screw the formalities, you know, strangers don't care. Roll with it.

If there was no kid, you'd never see each other.
Wait until the kid is grown, that day is coming.

In the meantime, in order to stay out of jail, you might even STOP visiting the kid.

Pay the support, stay away from that beast.
Yeah, sucks, but I never ever wanted to be locked up in jail.

Many is the time I just STFU and walked away.

Not every solution requires a judge's order.

You are the boss of your own circus.

 

[magareb]

???? is this a joke? Outside of your 1st paragragh I'm not clear of your intent. Not familiar with the acronym STFU...

 

[army judge]

???? is this a joke? Outside of your 1st paragragh I'm not clear of your intent. Not familiar with the acronym STFU...

Well, then, you're always FREE to ignore the information and choose another course of action.

But, you're only the boss of your own circus.