Custody

[babieduc13]

My son is 16.(i also have an older son who is 22) He has always resided with me and Ive always had joint custody with my ex but Ive always had Physical Custody. Well in 08 I remarried, and my husband had to relocate for work and my son did not want to move,he begged and pleaded with me to allow him to stay in Va.(we moved to Ga.) with his father(who is living with his parents at 37yrs old) he kept saying if i didnt agree he would raise hell and tell others that my husband and I beat him since we were both in Law Enforcement at the time,we didnt want that,nor did I want to put my son through a horrible custody battle between myself and my ex,so after weeks of his constant begging I reluctantley agreed. I was heartbroken. The agreement was that if within 6 months he could show me that he could behave for his father and do well in school that I would allow him to stay in Va.but that he had to also maintain a relationship with me and visit in the summers and stay with me on my visits to Va,he agreed and so did his father. Well my son turned 15 Sept.08 and after celebrating his birthday,I moved. after I moved he went CRAZY! Started getting into trouble at school, his grades went downhill,he wouldnt take any of my calls,answer letters,or emails and neither would his father. The attempts I made to email his father ended with very nasty emails from him..saying I was the cause of our son lashing out. I finally sent a copy of our court order that stated his father and I have joint custody w/my ex having physical and got a copy of his school records..bad very bad. I contacted a few Law enforcement connections in Va.and found out he had criminal charges,finally he called me..i told him I wanted him to come live with me once all the hearings for this case were over and he was angry.His father told me to keep my *!^ in Ga. It was horrible,a couple of weeks later my son called me and said him and his father had got into a huge argument that his father had got drunk and got in my sons face threathen to harm him,so I told him to go stay with my mother and father and I would be there Sunday well Saturday night he called to tell me he had changed his mind,he was staying with his dad.(He did spend 5 days with me in Ga when his father did 7days in jail for a second DUI).Well I had asked my son and his father to keep me updated on the court case and that I was planning on being there,well they didnt.I had to call some court clerks I knew to find out dates..shortly after I filed for Physical Custody back of my son. My husband and I own our cabin in GA,we have horses,chickens and land in a rural area.We have lived here almost two years now,my husband is still in Law enforcement and works part time for a Juvenile Boot Camp at Ft.Gordon as a drill instructor,I work for a local Nuclear Pharmacy.My ex recently remarried and is still residing with his parents,his wife and two of his wifes four kids.Full house. We have 3 extra bedrooms..and one already has been set up for my son. I want to know what I should furnish when I go to court May 11th,There has been a gaurdian at litem set for his case but he has yet to do a home study.

 

[army judge]

Please, don't take this the wrong way.
You've made a few mistakes in this matter.
First of all, adults don't make deals with children.
Children should do as instructed, or face consequences.
This kid is incorrigible.
He won't change, unless you change.
You need to take some parenting classes and get counseling.
Your son needs counseling, much more than you do, however.
If he comes to live with you, he needs to know that you have rules and structure.
Without that, your child will not get better.

You might want to speak with a minister, counselor, or an older relative about proper parenting.
You've obviously worked hard to provide the physical attributes for children.
You can probably get custody of your son.
But, will you keep custody of him?
Are you able to help him overcome his past?
It won't be easy.
It can be done.

Legally, you have a good case.
His father is useless to the lad.
You have great potential, but things have to change drastically in your home.
Good luck.
I pray you all get the help that is needed for your family to prosper and thrive.
Otherwise, that boy's future is bleak!

 

[babieduc13]

Wow, really? well I managed to raise one son who is 22 years old and in College and a productive citizen living on his own now. Parenting classes? Oh and did i mention we also foster children here in Ga..so ive taken tons of parenting classes.The agreement was more of the fact that I was moving to another state and being I was a baliff in Criminal court for 10 years I knew that if his father and him fought this that he would likely win because I was relocating my son, and also the fact that my son wanted to live with his father and the courts take what my son wants into consideration. So with that, I do know how that works, my son on the other hand is being hardheaded,but he is young. Ive attempted to find him counseling,but my ex and my son refuse.My son has also said he will not go to counseling. I was merely trusting in my ex as a parent to care for my son and allow him to make the choices in his upbringing but also trusted him to include me(that was my only mistake) I feel the schools in va,the teachers and the justice system has all but pegged my son as a trouble child and if I dont do something about it the next call I get may be horrible. My son had NEVER been in trouble when he resided with me, he had constant supervison was always in baseball or some sport and we attended church reguarly. He was always in church and school plays, now hes in a alterative school, so while we all make mistakes as parents we ALWAYS try and do what we feel is right for our children.

 

[Proserpina]

Let the GAL investigate and make the report.

Seriously - there's not much you can do until that happens, period.

 

[babieduc13]

But Ive tried to contact the GAL and emailed him, he said his daughter had a horse comp.in Ga and he was going to see if it was okay with the Judge if he did his home study while he was here, the court case is in Va, and I havent heard from him since. And our court case is in 2 weeks!