Custody and adoption of my son by another man?

[JamesJ]

Jurisdiction

Wisconsin

Hey all! First time posting, be gentle!

I am separated from my ex. She has custody of my son because we were not married. I do not think she would ever dispute paternity since she always said I was a great dad.

I was told by her today that if I do not visit my son for a full year, without paying child support (we just separated recently, no filings on either side yet) or visit him regularly, that she can legally have her new boyfriend adopt my son without the need for my consent, and in case of her passing, he would get custody of my son.

Is this true?

I now moved back home far away (thousands of kilometers) and I am putting every cents I have to hire an attorney to file for custody because my ex has been doing horrible things to her other kids (mental and physical), had drug addictions, still takes prescription meds, lost custody of one of her sons for drug-related problems, and sooo much more.

I visited my son once already when she was on the east coast, but now she moved to Wisconsin and the trip back and forth would not cost me a couple hundreds this time, but close to a thousand, maybe a little more depending how many nights I spend (in hotels). It might sound like a small price to pay to visit my son, but its money I cannot use for the attorney, and its killing me to have to make such a choice.

She moves states every 3-4 months for her work, so she has no stable home, so while she's in Wisconsin, I'm trying to get all the information I can.

Thanks.

 

[KatDini]

Since you moved away from Wisconsin and left Son there, you can bet that the court is satisfied with your choice of Mom as the primary caregiver. However, what Mom says about abandonment and her boyfriend being able to adopt is nonsense. So, hire an attorney, get a child support and visitation orders in place.

 

[mightymoose]

If you have never legally established paternity then a lot of things could happen. I suggest you look in to that and start there if you want to be involved in the child's life. It does not matter that she says your the father. Tomorrow she could say otherwise.

 

[JamesJ]

Thanks KatDini, I'll be able to sleep tonight And thanks for the suggestion Mighty, the lawyer I talked to said this needs to be done first too.

I appreciate the answers.

 

[army judge]

Unmarried males who believe, or are told they fathered a child(ren) are no more the legal father of said child(ren) than is the postman, FedEx Driver, homeless guy down the street, President Trump, or deceased former president George Washington.


All the parental rights to children born out of wedlock are vested in the birth mother.

No matter what someone tells you, you think, or read in some nutball's blog, unmarried males must go to court, prove paternity through genetic testing, move for legal visitation, and open court ordered chid support.

In your case, the legal issues must be initiated in a WI court.


You definitely need to hire an attorney to assist you with this, otherwise, if you don't wish to pay child support, don't want to be bothered with a kid, by moving to another state, laying low, who knows, the mother and child might find some other dude to pretend to be daddy and pay her to care for the kid.

If you are really quiet, cloak yourself in anonymity, you just might end up being the winner here.

 

[JamesJ]

If you are really quiet, cloak yourself in anonymity, you just might end up being the winner here.

I did not go into details in the original post, for the sake of being brief and to the point, as per the rules, I might add , but I did not leave of my own volition.

I feel ashamed to write about this but I will... after a very costly, long move from a state on the west coast to a state near the east coast, Uhaul in tow, I was dropped in front of a cheap hotel and she left with my son. She just said "I'll be back in a bit". She never came back. I learned days later she went to live with a man she met somewhere months before. No idea where she met that guy, she never went out. Maybe at work, I have no idea on earth.

I had a suitcase, a few dollars and a phone without a charger. I called my brother, not sure what I would have done otherwise.

Just before the move I gave her an engagement ring, and she was so happy... I must have been one blind moron.

 

[army judge]

I did not go into details in the original post, for the sake of being brief and to the point, as per the rules, I might add , but I did not leave of my own volition.

I feel ashamed to write about this but I will... after a very costly, long move from a state on the west coast to a state near the east coast, Uhaul in tow, I was dropped in front of a cheap hotel and she left with my son. She just said "I'll be back in a bit". She never came back. I learned days later she went to live with a man she met somewhere months before. No idea where she met that guy, she never went out. Maybe at work, I have no idea on earth.

I had a suitcase, a few dollars and a phone without a charger. I called my brother, not sure what I would have done otherwise.

Just before the move I gave her an engagement ring, and she was so happy... I must have been one blind moron.

Don't feel bad, brother, there are thousands of other males victimized by the prolific BROOD sows.

However, there are BROOD boars out there victimizing innocent brood sows.

As suggested, see a lawyer, but some victims decide to quietly slip away.

You are NOT the legal father, until Maury says, "You are the father."

That means a legitimate DNA test has been administered by a court.

If you're vewwy, vewwy quiet; maybe you won't be missed (cough cough cough).

On many occasions, these critters dupe a more malleable male, who might have more dollars and a softer heart.

This just might have been the best blessing ever bestowed upon you, brother.

Please, wrap up your warrior, before you send him into that unholy place, beyond pregnancy there are diseases that could kill a bull elephant inside those dark, dank, musty caves.

Celibacy could be looked upon as your blessed sanctuary, mate.

 

[mightymoose]

Sounds like a paternity test is definitely a good place to start. Find out if its even your child.... or don't. Your choice.

 

[JamesJ]

Please, wrap up your warrior, before you send him into that unholy place, beyond pregnancy there are diseases that could kill a bull elephant inside those dark, dank, musty caves.

I will definitely give these words some serious thinking. Thank you.

 

[leslie82]

Hey all! First time posting, be gentle!

I am separated from my ex. She has custody of my son because we were not married. I do not think she would ever dispute paternity since she always said I was a great dad.

I was told by her today that if I do not visit my son for a full year, without paying child support (we just separated recently, no filings on either side yet) or visit him regularly, that she can legally have her new boyfriend adopt my son without the need for my consent, and in case of her passing, he would get custody of my son.

Is this true?

I now moved back home far away (thousands of kilometers) and I am putting every cents I have to hire an attorney to file for custody because my ex has been doing horrible things to her other kids (mental and physical), had drug addictions, still takes prescription meds, lost custody of one of her sons for drug-related problems, and sooo much more.

I visited my son once already when she was on the east coast, but now she moved to Wisconsin and the trip back and forth would not cost me a couple hundreds this time, but close to a thousand, maybe a little more depending how many nights I spend (in hotels). It might sound like a small price to pay to visit my son, but its money I cannot use for the attorney, and its killing me to have to make such a choice.

She moves states every 3-4 months for her work, so she has no stable home, so while she's in Wisconsin, I'm trying to get all the information I can.

Thanks.

Stop talking to her and get a lawyer. No her new boyfriend can't adopt anyone. Stepparents can adopt but the other parent has to approve it unless the state involuntarily relinquishes a parent's rights. You need to get to court ASAP and establish your rights, file for custody and if anything get a visitation order and you will also get a child support order. Most lawyers give free consultations so find one who does and see what you need to do and how much it would cost. Talk to a few lawyers. Do what you can to stay in contact with your child even if you can't visit. I hope you get it figured out - she sounds like...something else.

 

[zddoodah]

I was told by her today that if I do not visit my son for a full year, without paying child support (we just separated recently, no filings on either side yet) or visit him regularly, that she can legally have her new boyfriend adopt my son without the need for my consent, and in case of her passing, he would get custody of my son.

Is this true?

No. In fact, it's patently absurd.

It appears from your post, that you are not legally the father of the child in question because it does not appear that paternity has ever been established. That means you have no parental rights regarding the child.

That would make it easier for your ex to have someone else adopt the child, but no court is going to approve an adoption by a boyfriend who has had a relationship with the mother for less than a year. As part of any adoption proceeding, she would have to identify you as the father and give you notice and an opportunity to object.

If the mother gets married and her husband wants to adopt, that might be in the child's best interests if you don't want to pay support or have an active relationship with your child. If you want to be a father, it would be in your best interests to have paternity established and seek orders from the court for custody, visitation, and child support.