Court Ordered Visitations

[HisDad1819]

Hi if there are any spelling errors I apologize in advanced. I type pretty fast and this may be pretty long but here it goes....

My son's mother and I broke up in 2012. My son was only 2 months old. We went to court I received visitations. She took him to Florida and I did not see my son again until he was a year old and we were finally back in court. When we went to court I had already pressed charges on her for parental kidnapping. They had her in handcuffs in the court room. I made a deal that I would drop the charges if she allowed me to see my son and if she was the one paying for the travel costs when it came to the visits. She agreed. I also agreed to pay child support. 353 a month. She brought my son for 2 visits since 2012. I also only made 4 payments of child support because I don't know where she lives or where to send the money to. I constantly ask her for her address to send the money and she ignores me. She also tells me to send it to her mothers house which I have and it either get sent back because no one will sign for it (I get it sent certified), or she just claims she did not receive it. I also have none of his information (I.e SS #). I am a Correctional Officer and I've asked her numerous times so I can put him under my excellent insurance but she tells me no if I want him to have health insurance give her the money and she will give him some. She is supposed to pay for his traveling costs and never does. Every time she is supposed to bring him she tells me to come get him, and I'll agree because I need my son in my life, and then I wont hear from her for the next 2 months. Or she will say I have to come stay in florida so she can monitor my visits. Which is not in the court order. Now Florida is trying to contact me to deduct the money straight from my accounts, but I would rather go through Maryland because I don't know what else she has set up for me in Florida. I never receive any paperwork or anything just phone calls and a very random e-mail from her saying I have to come sign papers for his child support. I know I made a mistake not getting full custody of my son the first time, but if she can not handle him financially I will gladly take him and let her have visitations. I am beyond scared because I want to file a motion in the court but I don't know if I will go to jail because of the Child Support stuff and I can't lose my job. I also have a 4 day old Daughter. Again please before you call me silly or anything, I just don't want to keep sending her money and she tells me its lost, or lie and say she has not received it. And also I forgot to mention that she has written me numerous emails telling me that she does not want the child support money she just does not want me in his life and if I agree to coming to do visits in florida (which would kind of be impossible) umteen times a year, then she would drop the Maryland court child support. but now I think she just wants to do that so florida can take over. I really don't know what to do but I had enough of this seriously. We have joint custody, but she has physical custody. the judge told me I am entitled to know where my son Is staying, what school he is, his doctor etc. they also based my child support off his daycare expenses and his insurance (daycare was supposedly 300 and insurance 53) that she said she pays for out of pocket. I called his daycare when I did know what daycare he was going to and they told me that she does not pay for it out of pocket she has a state voucher. they also told me he has government insurance. they also informed me that she and her mother filled out paperwork and told the daycare I am never allowed to come see him there, pick him up, or request any information about him. If I was to ever show up contact law enforcement. Seriously what should I do? Im at witts end. I just want to see my son and follow the court order. I asked if they can set up an account with the courts they said no. I have to just send her the money (I never even heard of that!) but again when I did send it it always got returned or she would send me an e-mail saying she was not signing anything and that I needed to send regular mail not certified. I have my own apartment in a nice neighborhood, car, great job everything. Will they give me some type of custody arrangement? full time or enforce the visits? will they most likely put me in jail even though I have no way to ensure she is getting the money? she will not accept anything but cash. I've tried to offer a bank account, money order everything. What should I do? Thanks

 

[HisDad1819]

Child Support - Difficulties

everything. What should I do? Thanks

 

[army judge]

Sorry, I can't read a wall of text.
From what i gather, you require an attorney to help you sort this child custody and support mess.
You don't need to send payments to the other parent.
You can easily send the payments to the court or the child support collection agency established and running in your state, who will make sure it gets forwarded ot her state.
Heck, you can even send the payments to the child support collection agency in her state.

The problem for you is that you apparently are in arrears, having stopped after sending a mere four payments.
You must stay current, and no payments must be missed or late.
If you are denied visitation, you settle that before the court.
You don't withhold payments because she withholds visitation.

 

[ElleMD]

Paragraphs are your friend.
Please use them.

In your line of work you ought to know that a court order is a court order. It is not optional. You should have put details in place the first time around regarding how visitation would be handled, her notifying you of any change of address, insurance, and any other mechanisms for communicating. You have her mother's address. Sending the money certified unless agreed upon and shrugging your shoulders when she doesn't go to the post office to pick up the letter she does not know if from you or contains the check is not acceptable. You clearly know where she is living or can easily find out if you have checked on day care and are in contact. If se is violating the terms of the order, then you take her to court to enforce it. Having the money come directly out of your check would be the best way to ensure the payments get made.

$353 a month is extremely low. No way would that cover daycare and insurance let alone any other expenses. Once paid, you do not get to dictate how she spends the money. If you have only made 4 payments, clearly she had to come up with some other way of covering that particular expense.

I have news for you. In MD, and I imagine in Florida, there is no way on earth you are going to get full custody after only making 4 support payments and seeing the kid a couple of times. The excuse that she wouldn't let you doesn't hold much water with judges if you did not file for contempt of the order when she refused to uphold her end of the agreement. Being poor is not a reason to lose custody. That goes double if she isn't even receiving the paltry amount of support from you that you were ordered to pay.

Bottom line, you need a lawyer like yesterday.

 

[shrinkmaster]

If you have nowhere to send money then put it away and do not spend it. You need to consult a lawyer to see what actions are available to you so you can see your child.