Concerns

[axsol]

Jurisdiction

California

My son's father came to pick up our son for his visitation pick up. In the past (and still), he's had issues following court orders. He has a suspended license and is not suppoed to drive our son alone unless he has a ride. Police in the past have told me that if he comes alone and has a suspended license, then I'm allowed to deny his visitation and say why on talking parents and address it in court for whenever we go next. Lately we've been working on getting along and working on talking to address any issues.

This day he came, he had no license (temporary license expired days before, he provided me the papers) and i nicely told him that he cannot take our son because of a suspended license. He proceeds to tell me it's my responsibility to ask him about it and that I'm responsible to inform him when it expires. I said no, it is yours. Then he continues with making up lies etc which I've heard all before. I said I'm sorry, we will see you next visitation.
He proceeds to call our son out (he doesn't know what's going on) and he took him, knowing he can't Take our son if he has no ride or license. I followed him since he was ignoring me and forcing our son to leave. Once they got in his car, he started recording me and says "she won't let me leave" and locked the doors.
I tried my best to keep my composure because my son is in his car. I talked to the father through the window and said you do know you have no license so you're not supposed to take him as the police said. He proceeds to almost running over my foot knowingly and out of my defense i slapped his left arm (as if you're slapping a friend's arm and laughing) and i said oh so you're going to run me over?
Then he drives away with our son wearing no seatbelt in his car seat.

I then went to the police and they informed me there's nothing they can do since he didn't run me over and said alot of people drives without no license and that it's between him and i, and that i shouldn't let our son out. I asked if he could use the video they said no.

Next day, he returns with police to overwatch the exchange which is fine by me, and then our son proceeds to tell me and say "daddy has two bruises , one here and one here (both arms). Because daddy told me mommy hit him" Which is absurd because for one, i can't reach his other arm (high suv) and he was wearing a jacket and a slap on the arm won't even cause a bruise, that in the video I'm sure you won't even hear it. I called the police station to make sure , and they said yes he could make the video. So I have two different answers but police said there is no report but doesn't mean that there is any.

So my question is- will this affect custody at all if he is going to try and lie about that? I know exactly what happened as it'll show on video he recorded and the officer (that the father called) will come and speak with me later in the week. I also have an appointment with my lawyer next week to make sure. Just need to ask if it'll have some sort of effect since it is heavy on my mind.

 

[army judge]

So my question is- will this affect custody at all if he is going to try and lie about that?

I wasn't there, you were.
I do know people LIE on other people everyday in court and under oath.
It often boils down to which liar is the most believable.

You need to hire yourself a lawyer.

You don't know if he has a valid license or not.

There are some websites that might give you a clue about his license, but they aren't foolproof.

It isn't wise to exchange children in either parents home.

Most people make the exchange in the lobby of a police station or sheriff station.
Those places are open 24/7365, and have video, plus real law enforcement officers nearby.

You can't deny the other parent visitation.

I suggest you speak with a lawyer ASAP.

He isn't required to listen to you, nor are you required to attend to him.

You are BOTH required to obey all court orders.

 

[mightymoose]

I handle complaints like this all the time. First off, there is nothing unusual about your situation. This is extremely common.

It is not clear if the visitation order specifies that the father may not transport and a third party is required. If that language isn't in there then you should try to have it added.

I agree with the first officer who said you do not have to hand over the child if he is an unlicensed driver. You might ultimately be wrong about his status, but if you reasonably believe he is still suspended you should not allow him to transport your child. He might whine and complain but there are ways to sort out the dispute. If he is suspended it is reasonable to believe he is not insured either. You are never required to put your child in danger and an unlicensed/uninsured driver is a legitimate concern.

His recording of you in public is not a problem. Just because he has or may have a recording does not mean it must be made available to you for any reason, and it likely doesn't have much value anyway. Forget about it.

Nobody will believe that you slapped him in defense. You slapped him because you were frustrated and angry. Never strike anyone in anger, especially a spouse/ex, and that goes double for a spouse/ex you are having a feud with. The description you gave here could lead to a misdemeanor domestic violence charge against you, regardless any bruising. You don't want that. If you are contacted by police DO NOT admit to striking him for any reason, even if you believe it was in defense. This is a minor issue that will typically go away without evidence, but any admission by you could put you on the hook for a criminal charge. It may not seem fair, but that's the way it is.

Will this event effect custody? Not likely, other than a minor tweak to the terms if necessary. Continuous and documented violations could lead to bigger changes.

Since you are meeting with a lawyer soon I suggest you come away from that meeting with a plan for how to address this problem if it happens again and advice on how to handle police if they should come asking questions about the incident. If police should come before you see the lawyer simply tell them you have a meeting soon and decline to make any statement before speaking with legal counsel. They will be annoyed but will go away.

As for denying visitation, never do so unless there is a legitimate safety concern. There will never be a negative consequence for being responsible and looking out for the safety of your child.