Childrens Advocacy

[SNP12608]

Are they allowed to make me bring in my duaghter to see my ex when paternity has not even been proven? I just started filing for child support so there is no legal ties between him and my daighter yet a judge gave us a court order to go through this childrens Advocacy for visitation... Now I want to work with these people and the judge because I do not want to look like I am with holding her from him because of what happened.. But I don't see how its fair that I have to turn my child over to complete strangers so they can give her to a complete stranger for an hour... Is this legal?? I did tell them I knew for sure he was the father and they said why delay it? I say ( but didn't say this) If he wants to see her he will jump through hoops of fire right? So what is one little test?

 

[Duranie]

You need to listen to the court order. If you are sure he is the dad, then you might as well allow him to get acquainted with the child. One hour of visits is not alot.

 

[Carpet_Dude]

From a father who went through the exact type of mental cruelty that you are putting on him, I hope you rot in that place which is reserved in the firey depths for all the women like you. YOU are the problem with our legal system when it comes to parental rights, and visitations. The Judge says do it, so you DO IT! End of story.

 

[Carpet_Dude]

If he wants to see her he will jump through hoops of fire right? So what is one little test?

Above reference shows that all you want to do is "TOY" with him.
Thus my opinion as stated previously. ROT !

 

[SNP12608]

From a father who went through the exact type of mental cruelty that you are putting on him, I hope you rot in that place which is reserved in the firey depths for all the women like you. YOU are the problem with our legal system when it comes to parental rights, and visitations. The Judge says do it, so you DO IT! End of story.

If you had to go through Childrens Advocacy to see your children then I really could care less what you have to say about me. I want him to prove he really wants to see her and not use her as a pawn in one of his little games to get at me. MENTAL CRUELTY?? You have no idea what I have went through with that no good scum! Oh just becasue he ran his mouth all around our town telling me it wasn't his baby now all of a sudden it is and what I am suppose to jump up and give him everything he wants?? I don't think so.. I worked hard to get to the point in my life where I am at now and getting over everything he put me through.. I am not letting him walk back in my life to mess with me nor my daughter.. as far as I am concerned he would not do her any good to be involved right now.. He has a lot of growing up left to do and I don't need her getting attached just so he can walk away..
As it looks you have some growing up to do too.. You obviously don't know what Childrens Advocacy is.. for those scared of there other spouse... So BACK OFF of me just because I want to make sure my child is not used in his messed up mind games..

 

[SNP12608]

"Above reference shows that all you want to do is "TOY" with him.
Thus my opinion as stated previously. ROT !"

OH SO TOTALLY NOT THE CASE I DO NOT HAVE TIME TO PLAY STUPID GAMES WITH HIM I AM CONCERNED ABOUT MY DAUGHTER!! WHICH BY THE WAY LOOKS LIKE HE WAS PLAYING GAMES BECAUSE HE WONT CALL THE PEOPLE BACK WHICH MEANS HE IS ABOUT TO HAVE THIS CASE SHUT IN A FEW WEEKS.. NOW WHO WAS USING HER AS A TOY??

 

[calalily]

When you say "ex" is he ex husband or boyfriend? Is his name on birth certificate? By the way, you filed for child support and that is what appears to have started the legal procedings for visitation...you can't ask for monies from the father, then say he is not the father (paternity not established/no legal ties) and doesn't deserve visitation.

What the judge did IS legal and you have to abide by his orders.

 

[SNP12608]

When you say "ex" is he ex husband or boyfriend? Is his name on birth certificate? By the way, you filed for child support and that is what appears to have started the legal procedings for visitation...you can't ask for monies from the father, then say he is not the father (paternity not established/no legal ties) and doesn't deserve visitation.

What the judge did IS legal and you have to abide by his orders.

I just filed for CS on Monday this Monday actually. So still he has no legal ties to her.. he will soon. And I am going to just work with Childrens Advocacy and not throw a fit because of the simple fact that I DO KNOW he is the father of my daughter. Also I want to work with these people I am not trying to withhold her from him and I do not want them or himself thinking that I am just afraid that we start this visitation she gets older and grows attached and he walks away then what.. And whats to say instead because she is young now and could forget about all this that he decided not ot do it now after a couple visits and then at 6 or so decides he wants back in her life.. I don't want that unstability for her. If he wants to be in her life then I am happy but I want him to be in and stay in it none of this I'm here I'm not her BS..
Although I guess I can not control any of that. That is up to him what kind of Father he would like to be.

 

[calalily]

You didn't answer the question...is he on the birth certificate? You say he is the father, so since he is asking for the visitation and you are not contesting that he is the father AND you are asking for child support there is a legal tie.

I am sorry this is all so difficult for you, but as you stated you cannot control what kind of father he will be and you will just have to be the best mother you can be. You will also have to abide by whatever the courts decide; however, you can always hire a lawyer to fight whatever it is, but that would waste a lot of your money and time.

Your best bet is to be as supportive as you can of your daughter's relationship with her father. Don't talk badly about him in front of her, and the two you should never argue in front of her, and do not put her in the middle making her choose you over him for whatever reason. By making it easier for him to be in her life, there will be less of a chance he'll walk away breaking her heart.

 

[Carpet_Dude]

If you had to go through Childrens Advocacy to see your children then I really could care less what you have to say about me.

Childrens Advocacy from what I understand is a non-biased group who looks after the best interests of the children in custody and visitation disputes.

A little background information on ME.

I was accused of being a violent person by my ex when she filed for divorce.

However, I myself was the abused partner both physically, mentally, and emotionally. I'm not going to go into too many details, but I was set on fire, crashed into by a car, hit with a baseball bat, and almost castrated in my sleep, etc. etc. etc. On ALL of these occasions of violence, I was the first recipient of a blow.

Since I was the man in the relationship, I had to prove my innocence in court of the violence she accused me of. We ended up going to court 17 times in 13 months due to her continued denial of my rights as ordered by the judge, refusal of any type of mediated agreement, and outright "Bitchdom".

Although I came into court sessions with 24 affidavits from my pastor, my scout leader, several teachers, several police officers, our local district attorney, and other very upstanding citizens in our community, the judge would only verbally reprimand her, make small adjustments to the order, and she continued to deny my visitations during our divorce proceedings.

The judge finally ruled based on the evidence that the violence between us was "AT LEAST CO-CREATED", and granted me secondary joint custody with very good and liberal visitation and custody rights above the normal every other weekend, rotating holidays, etc.

NOW, 32 days after the final divorce order was signed, she disappeared.

I went through 4 months of agony worrying about my daughter, where she was, how she was, and if I would ever get to see her again. Then finally after working with the National Center for Missing and Exploited children (The group who puts pictures on Milk Cartons), the FBI, and several private investigators, I was able track her down 1,742 miles away from our home. She had run off with a man who had just gotten out of prison on burglary charges.

Since at that time, I had an ex parte order giving me full custody, I was able to recover my daughter 2 days later and have been the custodial parent ever since. My daughter is now almost 13, a straight A student, a TOP 2% achiever on standardized tests, and recently made a 1479 on the SAT as a 7th grader. My daughter and I have a very strong Father / Daughter relationship with a solid single parent family life together with a foundation in Christ.

Her mother on the other hand, has never held a job for more than 3-4 months, rarely if ever pays the $50/wk child support as ordered, and has been found in contempt 3 times for non payment over the past 8 years.

Over the past 12 years, she has periodically stopped seeing our daughter for months at a time, and then showed up out of the blue to resume her visitations.

She has been ordered twice to seak meaningful mental health counseling which she has not done, and continues to be the verbally and mentally abusive type personality. She is currently almost $10,000 behind on support, and occasionally will call up wanting to see her daughter. Although I know that she speaks badly about me, and I have personally heard her comments toward my daughter which I feel are completely abusive in nature, I still allow her to see her daughter ABSOLUTELY ANY TIME she wants, because I know that this is in the best interest of my daughter.

WHY is it in her best interest? Because the JUDGE SAID SO!! End Of Story.

It is because I personally have been "Through Hoops of Fire", that I can say what you are attempting to do to this man is **A B S O L U T E LY** EVIL, and there is no reason, rhyme, or logic that you can ever come up with that would make me think otherwise.

EXCEPT, if you can PROVE that he would be a SERIOUS threat to her safety. I'm not talking about some petty excuse like "The Breaks on his car arent that good", or "He was 5 minutes late coming to pick her up", or "I don't think his home is clean enough", etc. I mean something like "I have pictures of him sitting her next to a propane tank where he is cooking Methamphetamines" THAT would be an exception.

Other than something to this extreme,....
YOU NEED TO LET HIM SEE HIS CHILD !!! PERIOD !

You spread your legs for this man, so evidently at that time you thought the world of him. GROW UP and ACT like an ADULT!

Something you probably don't understand, is that this child will grow up one day, and KNOW who is the better person.

So, get ready! You Reap What You Sow !!

 

[SNP12608]

You didn't answer the question...is he on the birth certificate? You say he is the father, so since he is asking for the visitation and you are not contesting that he is the father AND you are asking for child support there is a legal tie.

I am sorry this is all so difficult for you, but as you stated you cannot control what kind of father he will be and you will just have to be the best mother you can be. You will also have to abide by whatever the courts decide; however, you can always hire a lawyer to fight whatever it is, but that would waste a lot of your money and time.

Your best bet is to be as supportive as you can of your daughter's relationship with her father. Don't talk badly about him in front of her, and the two you should never argue in front of her, and do not put her in the middle making her choose you over him for whatever reason. By making it easier for him to be in her life, there will be less of a chance he'll walk away breaking her heart.

Well thank you for your advice. You are right the more I try and make him do to prove he wants to be a part may just make him run off. I am going to work with him as best I can. There will be no arguing in front of her simply due to the fact that there is a restraining order in effect.
No he isn't on the BC and that is partially due to the fact that he was not allowed in the deleviry room.
I don't want to fight with him because I don't need her going through what I had to as a child. I would much rather work with him as much as I can and I guess I just have to do what you say be supportive of my daughter.
I just hope things don't go down hill.

 

[katlowe]

I don't know if this helps any but in my case my daughter was not yet born and her biological father was already trying to dodge child support. This is no reflection on all males just him. I had asked my lawyer jokingly to ask his lawyer to go ahead and see if he wanted to sign off his parental rights since he was so hung up on child support issues. He said yes...the day before she was born. Sight unseen he said yes. In my case because of THAT he was not allowed in the delivery room nor did I allow him to hold her the day she was born. Otherwise I would have not fought him any time with her except that I would have allowed him to come to my home for the first month or so to be sure he was capable of taking care of her on his own and would have been the one to drop her off myself to be sure he had proper housing for her while he had her. Things are difficult enough for our kids to cope with they certainly don't need strangers handing them off because we as their parents are too proud or stubborn to back down a step or two so they can know both their parents and love them both and be "normal" kids as much as that is possible anymore. None of us are perfect parents and we all eitehr underprotect or overprotect in varying degrees of severity and looking back on the past 15 years I do sometimes wonder what in the world I was thinking! There are always going to be times we as parents spiral out of control downhill but we all deserve the chance to pick ourselves up brush ourselves off and try again. Lord knows these kids don't come with user manuals!

 

[SNP12608]

I wish we didn't have to do it this way but I do not trust him after all the things he put me through, trust me I am taking all of the adive everyone has given I am no longer going to try to make him 'prove' anything I hope he stays around and doesn't break her heart and maybe one day Him and I can have a normal healthy relationship between the two of us regarding only our daughter.
Can only hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.

 

[SNP12608]

Well update on this is that I called my case worker the following weekend after my Intake Interview just like she said and she told me he had not called her and when he did contact her if he did that she would call so we could start setting up visits and that if he did not contact her in a few weeks she would close our case and call me.. It's been a month since I went in there and still no call I have a friend who is going through CAC and he told me i need to call my case worker this weekend.. Is that a good idea or should I continue to wait??