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Child Support with Non-Working Custodial Parent

Discussion in 'Child Support' started by Kassia Allen, Nov 13, 2019.

  1. Kassia Allen

    Kassia Allen Law Topic Starter New Member

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    Hi! I have a question that I was wondering about. It's a fairly complicated situation, but I'll try to narrow it down to the basics.

    My ex and I split up 12 years ago. There is a no contact order regarding him and the children. I have full legal and physical custody. When we were together and even after that, he was working as a retail manager, making $55k+. However, after he got remarried he quit to be a stay at home parent and watch his new wife's other kids. This has been going on for some time, but now he is in jail for child abuse and other legal reasons. Because he is jail, he is filing for an adjustment.

    Last time we had a review, I was making a significant amount of money. However, since then I had to quit my job to take care of my son who has ADHD, ODD, and IED. I have a note from the psychologist saying that he can't be left alone with other caregivers because of his violent outbursts, etc. I've since been remarried and my husband makes enough to take care of us, even with my ex not paying (he is $31k in arrears right now.)

    So, my question is this. Because there is a medical reason related to my son (this is one of the children that support goes to) that prevents me from working, will my income be 0 on the calculation form? Would it be based on what I could/would have been making? Would it use my husband's income (or part of it) instead?

    What about my ex? Considering he left his job voluntarily (he has done this several times to get out of paying,) would they take what he could/should be making into account? Or will they count him as 0 because he is in jail?

    Thank you so much.
     
  2. Red Kayak

    Red Kayak Active Member

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    Does it really matter?

    He owes over $30K in arrears. He's not going to catch up on that any time soon.

    Moreover, he's in jail for child abuse. Child abuse! Just be glad that children are safe from him, for the moment.

    People in jail are still obligated to support their children. Given he's in there for child abuse, this could be seen as a voluntary reduction of income.
     
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  3. Kassia Allen

    Kassia Allen Law Topic Starter New Member

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    Here is why it matters. Right now, he has an incentive to sign over parental rights.

    My children haven't seen him in 12 years, so they are quite safe. However, if something happens to be they will be given over to him. If they adjust it so that he has no responsibility, he could refuse to sign them over out of spite or some misguided belief that he deserves to be in their life.

    We are currently working on getting everything in order for him to sign them over, but I was worried about any complications in that.

    Thank you for your insight.
     
  4. army judge

    army judge Super Moderator

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    Don't assume that his absence will automatically disadvantage his position, or have a judge strip him of his parental rights.

    It is always best to buttress your own case, demonstrating to the court why YOU are the best person to parent the children, rather than disparaging the other party thinking that helps you.


    Again, don't assume that a court would automatically GIFT the children being mothered by you to the other parent, who appears to be a stranger.

    Furthermore, if you and the male were never married, that would be more disqualifying than the fact the man has not seen the children for over a decade.

    The circumstances surrounding the man's inactivity will be discussed once revealed in open court.


    A parent (male or female) in unable to simply sign away parental rights and responsibilities.

    Children aren't chattel.

    Trafficking in human life has been outlawed for more than 150 years in the USA.

    He can offer to give up his rights, but the court will want to hear more about why he wishes to do.
     
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  5. Disabled Vet

    Disabled Vet Active Member

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    Amazing..... Have you looked into putting your son into a place that will help him with these issues? Where you can still work full time? My daughter in law works at a place that help children learn to cope with these types of issues. She has a heart of gold in my thoughts for sure. She has been kicked, biten, punched, spit on and more. Yet she is 100% in love with her job with seeing how she can help these children.

    A child needs both parents... It doesn't sound like you have put your children first. That you want to force the ex to sign over his rights. Like people do with things they sell... by signing a bill of sale. Children are not items for sell. I would think maybe trying to get their father in their lives. Maybe that is the reason for the outbursts. Who knows... I hope your child can find the right fit in their life to help them.
     
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  6. Kassia Allen

    Kassia Allen Law Topic Starter New Member

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    I suppose this wasn't the right place to come for questions. Honestly, I didn't give the entire story, just wanted a quick question to a quick answer and all I'm getting is judgement. It's no wonder that more abused women don't reach out for help.

    I am remarried and, as far as they are concerned, my husband is their father. He has been there for them consistently.

    Their biological father has a current court order of no contact in regards to the children. It is not simply a matter of custody, it is illegal for him to contact them. My ex was physically abusive. I left because of it, but still tried to keep him in the lives of the children. Then, when I tried to pick them up one night, he beat me almost to death before I left, in front of my children. They were still babies at the time and the trauma of it has led to actual psychiatric problem for them. The court ordered no contact. A few years later, he remarried and beat that woman, including while she was pregnant which led to a miscarriage. She gave him another chance and then almost died when he threatened her with a gun. She left and he remarried to another woman, this time who had kids already. DSS just told that woman that if he remained in the house that they would take the children from her. He has several cases of assault and child abuse that are pending right now, as well as several for violation of protective orders for his most recent wife.

    Please, tell me again that my children would be better with their father in their life. While I would agree that children and fathers should be given equal access to each other as mothers, there are always exceptions on both sides. Before judging, take a moment and consider that you have no idea what the other person is going through.

    Yes, I know that my children are not chattel. I never insinuated that they are/were and never used them as pawns. However, when he reached out to me, willing to sign over his rights so that my husband can adopt them, we jumped at the chance. He only did it because he cared more about the money than them and knew he would never be allowed to see them anyways (again, court order.) HE is the one selling them. If they adjusted it, he would care less about the money and might change his mind out of vindictiveness. If it was about the money, I could have kept collecting for years while he, hopefully, rots in jail so that he can't hurt more than the 4 women and 11 children that he already has.

    Before you go judging the people that come here legitimately looking for help, perhaps consider that they have tried all the right avenues and that the other person might be legitimately dangerous. I worked for years to get him help. I was there through suicides and years of beatings.

    Consider that the person on the other screen might wake up at night panicking that he might come and exact revenge out of anger and kill everyone. There are nights that I can't sleep and check the doors constantly. Even more that I sleep next to my children's' rooms so that I can be there if he shows up.

    The sad part is, god forbid someone takes comments like these seriously and puts their children at risk because someone on the internet told them that they were a terrible parent. When I tuck my kids in safely tonight, it will be because I had the courage to leave a very dangerous situation... which was difficult enough. My husband and I live way below our means because I stay at home to work with my children and if I went to work I couldn't afford to send them to a special school that specializes in these things. Both of the children work with therapists weekly, including regarding their father, and none of these professionals have ever suggested that he be brought back into their life.

    At the end of the day, all I wanted to know was if they would consider my husband's income considering my son has a medical condition that requires me to stay home. I know when people read that they think it's a reward, and at times it is rewarding. I get to be in their life more than I would if I worked all the time. However, I loved my career and there are things we give up to do what's best for them, which all good parents do.

    Unfortunately, it's apparently too difficult to seek help on the internet, even in a community such as this.

    It doesn't matter. I'm getting rid of my account. They denied his attempts to reassess and implemented a fine he will have to pay before he can get rid of his failure to appear and be released. We've already spoken to a lawyer regarding the adoption and it shouldn't be an issue. Thanks for all of the support and understanding.
     
  7. Zigner

    Zigner Well-Known Member

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    Did you not read the first two responses to your post?
     
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  8. army judge

    army judge Super Moderator

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    Serenity now.



    God bless us all.
    Amen.
     
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  9. Disabled Vet

    Disabled Vet Active Member

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    What gets me is this.... If he is that BAD the court can remove him from their lives.
     
  10. justblue

    justblue Well-Known Member

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    They did. Now OP, rightfully IMO, wants to TPR and have her husband adopt. The children's father is rather a monster if even half of what OP has stated is true.
     
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  11. Disabled Vet

    Disabled Vet Active Member

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    Fully agree, Yet the court could remove him as well. There is always two sides to a story.
     
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  12. Zigner

    Zigner Well-Known Member

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    There is a no contact order. They effectively did.
     
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  13. Red Kayak

    Red Kayak Active Member

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    Well, thank goodness for that!

    As an FYI for the future: until your husband adopts your children, his income is not an issue in assessing child support. An imputed income for you (what you could be earning) can be assessed.

    Thank goodness your children are physically safe from their father. It sounds like he has a serious problem that keeps repeating. :(
     
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  14. leslie82

    leslie82 Well-Known Member

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    It's not necessarily true that if you were to be incapacitated or died, that he would get the kids. If something happened to me, there's no way our daughter would go straight to my ex husband (her "father") when he hasn't seen her in 2 years, he hasn't paid child support in 3 and he doesn't even have parenting time right now (it's at my discretion). My family would 100% fight for custody over him and probably get it. They've been more involved in her life than he has. He could eventually probably get custody but it would take time.

    If he wants to voluntarily relinquish his parental rights, there has to be someone willing to adopt like a stepparent. Otherwise the judge won't sign off on it unless there are extreme situations going on.
     

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