child support arrears

[jra1]

Jurisdiction

California

I am a married mother of 3 children, ages 3, 6 and 10. I was a stay at home mom to my children for 7 years. Then my husband lost his good job in Texas when the company closed down and he moved us all into his aunt's house in California when he ran out of money. This was in 2013. My husband went on public assistance against my wishes/advice during a time when I was on involuntary hold in a psychiatric hospital. The aunt told my husband that he and the kids were welcome in her house, but I was not. He lives there now with the kids and I live in a room rental in a house about 2 miles away from them. He got emergency custody of them. Now I see them everyday for anywhere from 2 to 10 hours a day, 7 days a week. Helping with homework, going to church, playtime, etc. In 2013, I got summons and complaint asking for income info for child support because he was on public assistance. I had no job, so the court order was for me to pay $0. My husband just got a job as a Substitute Teacher in Oct. 2015 and his Cash Aid was reduced from $700+ per month to $60 per month. His food stamps was also reduced. He doesn't want to go off public aid even though he has a job.

I got a job as a substitute teacher started Feb. 12, 2016. I just got my first paycheck for working 2.5 weeks, and it was $1643. Next month's paycheck will likely be around $2000. My husband is requiring me to give him my entire paycheck or he won't let me see the kids at all and he will stop driving me to and from work daily in our one joint-owned car (which he has at his residence, not mine). From my paycheck, he gives me $500 for my room rent, $33 for my phone, and $250 for groceries and miscellaneous purchases. He takes all the rest. I agreed to this because I want to keep seeing the kids. I have been advised to file for visitation and get his custody order challenged, but I'm afraid I'll only get every other weekend, and right now I see them daily. The only rights I have are what my husband gives me, and I want to keep him happy.

I'm afraid if I report my new income to the county, they'll take so much money away, and my husband/kids won't get it because the county wants to be reimbursed for his welfare from 2013 up to this point. I'm afraid he won't let me see the kids if he stops getting money from me. So I'm tempted to not report my income and just keep the current financial arrangement with my husband.

What are the consequences of not reporting a new income after a $0 cs court order? Can I get into trouble with the court for this if they find out? How might they find out? Just trying to keep seeing my kids daily. My husband and I have a goal to move in together again like we used to, if we can find a way.

 

[adjusterjack]

You're still married to this scumbag?

It's time for you to get a lawyer, file for divorce, seek custody and child support, maybe even spousal support.

Or nothing changes.

 

[army judge]

My God woman, why on earth do you tolerate such abuse?

As suggested, DIVORCE this brutal imitation of a real man, husband, and father.

Grow a backbone and fight for custody of your kids, report his shameful activities to the welfare authorities, and seek to have his emergency custody order changed.

Otherwise, your children will grow up being taught to abuse and use women.

 

[jra1]

You're still married to this scumbag?

It's time for you to get a lawyer, file for divorce, seek custody and child support, maybe even spousal support.

Or nothing changes.

Thanks for the advice. I hear where you're coming from. My dad gave me the same advice. But . . .

1. That doesn't really answer my question about the child support arrears I owe to the county as a result of him being on welfare from 2013-present and what consequences I may face if I choose not to declare my new job to dcss. Will they find me by running my social sec #? Or through income tax info w/IRS? Or some employment database? Would I get in legal trouble for not declaring the new job in a "timely" manner?

2. I've considered divorce. But how can I get custody when the kids have been living with him since 2013 when I left? My google research seems to indicate that the courts like to keep the status quo and keep the children with the parent they have been most accustomed to. His aunty's house is huge (they're all in one room in that house-my husband and 3 kids together), with a swimming pool, he has built-in free babysitting (which is important for our 3 year old who does not attend school yet) with unemployed aunties and uncle who also live in that house, and the house is a short walking distance to their school. I, on the other hand, am renting a room out of a house where the landlord met my kids one day and immediately told me "no kids allowed in my house." So I have to spend time w/my kids in public places. Homework time happens at restaurants. I've been looking for a room rental where kids are welcome (on craigslist daily), but so far nothing. I'm afraid I won't get custody also because of my history. From 2012-2014 I had 4 visits to psychiatric hospitals. My husband would tell the judge all the negative things I did before I got stable on my meds. Including a case of cutting my chest and scalp with a mail key (drawing blood in front of the children in 2012 while pregnant with my youngest, only required 2 bandaids and no stitches). Including spiriting off our baby back to Texas secretly in our only family car, driving 100 miles per hour in the car with the baby in it, leaving him and the older 2 behind. Then he chased me down and I gave up my baby back to him and he got court-ordered custody. My husband has never forgiven me for those things I did before I got on my meds (diagnosed schizophrenia in 2013). I ran off to Texas 2 times because the voices were telling me to. I now know these voices are not the voice of God as I originally thought, and choose to ignore them. That changed everything for me and I'm totally in control of my behavior now. I've been stable on my meds for over a year now and am by far the more rationale member of this marriage, and have been back in California, seeing the kids daily for a year. He said if I divorce him, he'll ask for "supervised visitation." I'm scared of that. How humiliating to have supervised visitation when I'm presently responsible for time with them daily! I feel like what I have with the kids right now is the best I'm ever going to get given my history from 2012 - 2014. But he has major anger problems and is verbally and emotionally abusive. But the kids are more attached to him than me because he's been ruling everything since I left in 2013. I feel like I have so much counting against me. Lack of lawyer money (he gets everything I spend and I don't qualify for "Legal Aid"), lack of a car (he is my transportation) to divorce court and to work, lack of good housing for the 3 kids, lack of babysitting for our 3yo, and a psychiatric diagnosis that will color my reputation for a lifetime.

He refuses to move out of aunty's house until I get a permanent teaching job like I had for 5 years before the kids came along. Then my income will pay for housing our family of 5. If we can overcome our eviction in a housing search. Substitute teaching is the best employment he can find and housing for a family of 5 in southern California is not cheap. Especially where our work is in Corona.

Do you now understand why I'm maintaining the status quo?

 

[jra1]

My God woman, why on earth do you tolerate such abuse?

As suggested, DIVORCE this brutal imitation of a real man, husband, and father.

Grow a backbone and fight for custody of your kids, report his shameful activities to the welfare authorities, and seek to have his emergency custody order changed.

Otherwise, your children will grow up being taught to abuse and use women.

See my reply to "adjusterjack". Then get back to me.

 

[army judge]

1. That doesn't really answer my question about the child support arrears I owe to the county as a result of him being on welfare from 2013-present and what consequences I may face if I choose not to declare my new job to dcss. Will they find me by running my social sec #? Or through income tax info w/IRS? Or some employment database? Would I get in legal trouble for not declaring the new job in a "timely" manner?

Governments don't pursue parents that are behind in child support as aggressively as they pursue terrorists, murderers, rapists, or child molesters!

However, YES, they'll eventually connect the dots and try to attach whatever they can. You aren't a big fish. You're not behind $500,000, while making $800,000 a year.

But, you're working for a government entity. So, who knows?

As far as more trouble, not really, but the trouble you've already stumbled into will linger.

The obvious answer is, who knows what any government will do, or when they'll do it? All I know is, eventually they'll get around to you.

2. I've considered divorce. But how can I get custody when the kids have been living with him since 2013 when I left? My google research seems to indicate that the courts like to keep the status quo and keep the children with the parent they have been most accustomed to. His aunty's house is huge (they're all in one room in that house-my husband and 3 kids together), with a swimming pool, he has built-in free babysitting (which is important for our 3 year old who does not attend school yet) with unemployed aunties and uncle who also live in that house, and the house is a short walking distance to their school. I, on the other hand, am renting a room out of a house where the landlord met my kids one day and immediately told me "no kids allowed in my house." So I have to spend time w/my kids in public places. Homework time happens at restaurants. I've been looking for a room rental where kids are welcome (on craigslist daily), but so far nothing. I'm afraid I won't get custody also because of my history. From 2012-2014 I had 4 visits to psychiatric hospitals. My husband would tell the judge all the negative things I did before I got stable on my meds. Including a case of cutting my chest and scalp with a mail key (drawing blood in front of the children in 2012 while pregnant with my youngest, only required 2 bandaids and no stitches). Including spiriting off our baby back to Texas secretly in our only family car, driving 100 miles per hour in the car with the baby in it, leaving him and the older 2 behind. Then he chased me down and I gave up my baby back to him and he got court-ordered custody. My husband has never forgiven me for those things I did before I got on my meds (diagnosed schizophrenia in 2013). I ran off to Texas 2 times because the voices were telling me to. I now know these voices are not the voice of God as I originally thought, and choose to ignore them. That changed everything for me and I'm totally in control of my behavior now. I've been stable on my meds for over a year now and am by far the more rationale member of this marriage, and have been back in California, seeing the kids daily for a year. He said if I divorce him, he'll ask for "supervised visitation." I'm scared of that. How humiliating to have supervised visitation when I'm presently responsible for time with them daily! I feel like what I have with the kids right now is the best I'm ever going to get given my history from 2012 - 2014. But he has major anger problems and is verbally and emotionally abusive. But the kids are more attached to him than me because he's been ruling everything since I left in 2013. I feel like I have so much counting against me. Lack of lawyer money (he gets everything I spend and I don't qualify for "Legal Aid"), lack of a car (he is my transportation) to divorce court and to work, lack of good housing for the 3 kids, lack of babysitting for our 3yo, and a psychiatric diagnosis that will color my reputation for a lifetime.

He refuses to move out of aunty's house until I get a permanent teaching job like I had for 5 years before the kids came along. Then my income will pay for housing our family of 5. If we can overcome our eviction in a housing search. Substitute teaching is the best employment he can find and housing for a family of 5 in southern California is not cheap. Especially where our work is in Corona.

Do you now understand why I'm maintaining the status quo?

What I understand about YOUR personal business and life means nothing.

I'm just an outsider who barely knows 1% of what you're enduring or facing.

The answer to EVERYTHING is to divorce him.

You'll either allow yourself to continue to victimized and abused, or grow weary and liberate yourself.

Whatever you decide, it's YOUR life to lose or live.

 

[jra1]

Governments don't pursue parents that are behind in child support as aggressively as they pursue terrorists, murderers, rapists, or child molesters!

However, YES, they'll eventually connect the dots and try to attach whatever they can. You aren't a big fish. You're not behind $500,000, while making $800,000 a year.

But, you're working for a government entity. So, who knows?

As far as more trouble, not really, but the trouble you've already stumbled into will linger.

The obvious answer is, who knows what any government will do, or when they'll do it? All I know is, eventually they'll get around to you.





What I understand about YOUR personal business and life means nothing.

I'm just an outsider who barely knows 1% of what you're enduring or facing.

The answer to EVERYTHING is to divorce him.

You'll either allow yourself to continue to victimized and abused, or grow weary and liberate yourself.

Whatever you decide, it's YOUR life to lose or live.

 

[jra1]

Do I have any hope of getting custody of the children given my past?
Everyday with them is better than every other weekend.

 

[army judge]

Do I have any hope of getting custody of the children given my past?
Everyday with them is better than every other weekend.

Don't confuse custody with visitation.

His past isn't any better than yours, and his present is worse.

He's living with a relative.

You're living on your own.

Only the court can decide if you get custody over him.

I suggest you discuss the matter with at least three family law attorneys in your area.

The initial visit is usually offered free of charge.

You'll have about 30 minutes to ask specific questions about your case, how much it might cost, and what is the likelihood of things gong your way.