Child father lives out of state

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tazzyboo202000

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I filed custody papers for physical and legal custody for my daughter. My ex moved out of california almost 2 years ago. He has visited 3 times. I started the custody proceeding because he began to make demands that I let her go stay with him for a couple of weeks out of state, she is only 2 years old he left before she turned 1 and it has been 8 months since he last saw her. I told him no I went to court got permission to keep my address confidential so he does not know where we live.I had a friend mail him the paper work certified mail like the courts says to do when the other party is out of state. He sent the response to my friend instead of the court what do I do with them I am not sure if they are copy's or what.
 
tazzyboo202000 said:
I filed custody papers for physical and legal custody for my daughter. My ex moved out of california almost 2 years ago. He has visited 3 times. I started the custody proceeding because he began to make demands that I let her go stay with him for a couple of weeks out of state, she is only 2 years old he left before she turned 1 and it has been 8 months since he last saw her. I told him no I went to court got permission to keep my address confidential so he does not know where we live.I had a friend mail him the paper work certified mail like the courts says to do when the other party is out of state. He sent the response to my friend instead of the court what do I do with them I am not sure if they are copy's or what.
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If his response was returned to a friend and NOT the court, I'd hold onto them.

I'd bring the information to court.

Or, I'd turn the response over to my attorney.

He may have sent copies to the court and to your friend.

Your friend is under no obligation to do what he failed to do.

As the popular saying goes, "DO YOU!"
 
ok thanks so much I can't afford an attorney I have been looking for one through legal aid so hopefully I will have one soon. As far as if he wants to see her I told him not unless I am there because I don't trust him with her, even when we were together he never had her alone for more than a few hours and he'd be pissed about that. He wouldn't even go get milk out of the fridge for her if she was hungry cause he didn't want to talk to my roommate. He would just let her cry then cuss me out when I got home. Now he doesn't know anything about her, like how I am very careful with her diet because she may have a metabolic disorder, could I get in trouble if he doesn't visit cause he doesn't want to see me.
 
If there are no court orders in place, you don't have to allow him to see her.

You don't even have to respond to his requests to see her.

If you're smart, you'd ignore this deadbeat.

If a court order is issued, you must obey it.


As that hasn't happened, just ignore him.
 
I'm going to give you something of a reality check here on top of what AJ said.

First - this IS California. And that, frankly, matters.

You have not ALLOWED Dad to know where you are so he could not have even served you with papers had he tried.

And he may well be able to argue that he wasn't properly served.

These things are NOT in your favor - at all.

You NEED to see an attorney before Dad actually gets the upper hand.

Though of course I'm baffled as to why you think he shouldn't have some sort of joint custody - given that you've basically hidden the child from him?
 
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tazzyboo202000 said:
awesome thank you so much
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OP, you're welcome.

But, don't take my advice to mean that dad has no options.

Dad has ammo with which he can mount an attack upon your position should he choose to do so.

Proserpina is on point (as usual) in her admonition to you about California.

Most states (California included) offer equal rights to fathers in child custody matters.

That isn't anything new (to the informed), as our country's legal system is founded on the principle of due process.

Simply put, dad has rights and remedies, should he choose to exercise them.

That said, he must act affirmatively to exercise those rights.

This slug appears to have sat idly by, thereby forcing you to do the heavy lifting and hard work to date.

Don't be surprised if that doesn't change.

However, don't allow me (or anyone) to mislead you, OP, dad has rights.

He must act affirmatively to exercise them.

Until and unless he does, YOU remain in the "cat bird" seat!!!!
 
Proserpina said:
I'm going to give you something of a reality check here on top of what AJ said.

First - this IS California. And that, frankly, matters.

You have not ALLOWED Dad to know where you are so he could not have even served you with papers had he tried.

And he may well be able to argue that he wasn't properly served.

These things are NOT in your favor - at all.

You NEED to see an attorney before Dad actually gets the upper hand.

Though of course I'm baffled as to why you think he shouldn't have some sort of joint custody - given that you've basically hidden the child from him?
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I got permission from the court for my home address to be private. I had to give the judge my reasons and the judge agreed. He moved out of stated I didn't. He wants me to drive my 2 year old out of state and drop her off with him and I don't know who he lives with and what he does. I am looking for representation right now, as far as not serving him properly I severed him according to the rules given to me by the court he signed for the papers I have proof. My address changed was recent he knew our address before we moved last year, I didn't even realize that he didn't have the address until he tried to come and just pick her up last month, we had made arrangements to meet at the park so he could see her and he called day of to change them I told him I would met him at the park period he cussed me out called me a c**t on facebook told me he found out where I lived anyway and never came and I heard nothing from him until a month later which was a text message asking how she was. I had gotten the confidential address permission before this so I could serve him in person while he was in california but he didn't come. I wasn't letting him take her any where I talked to the police they said since custody arrangements are pending I don't have to let him do anything he never showed. Please understand that I want him to have a relationship with her I know how important it is for a child to have a father I have put this off out of fear he would not want to have anything to do with her if I got the courts involved. All his talk of wanting to see her more came about when he got the judgment for what he has to pay in child support. He has done some horrible things in the past and I want my daughter to be safe I made the mistake of never calling the police when he did and now I am trying to stand up for myself and her. Thank you for the advice I know he has rights I just want things to be safe. Before he moved to arizona I moved from a place where he wasn't allowed to move in with us to a place that would and he left three days after I moved so, when he came to visit he came to stay in the extra room and it always ended with a huge fight over what i was doing wrong in his eyes first I was living with white people and I am diluted if I think white people care about me or my daughter, on her birthday she was crying at night and he berated me telling what do all my books say now why can't i get her to stop what a good mom can't even get her to stop crying. She has a digestion issue that me and the doctors are still trying to figure out. so those are some of the reasons why I don't want him to know where we live this home we have now she hasn't had us fighting in it she has peace I don't want her looking for him at the door every time someone knocks when he did call to talked before I had to deal with the fall out, she won't sleep in her bed after talking to him she has to go to sleep touching me, this is not in my head I deal with every single time he calls. She doesn't do it when my dad calls or my sister just him. So maybe I am wrong for not letting him come over and fight with me again in front of her but I am more than willing to meet him some where so he can visit with her and I have made that very clear to him, I wish I had handle things before differently but I wanted to try and make things work and I was afraid to rock the boat. I mean when I was pregnant I had to leave him because he was threatening me everyday to hurt me saying things like I know what scott peterson felt like. So thank you I will be talking to a lawyer soon to get help.
 
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