Changing a divorce decree

[sepatric]

My question is in regards to changing a finalized divorce decree and what are each person's rights?

The divorce decree states that custody, care and control of the dog willl be shared equally between my boyfriend and his ex-wife. All expenses will be shared 50:50.

To execute against the decree the original plan was to do three days on, three days off. The dog stayed with us for two days and in those two days the dog, a 130 pound Akita, attack and bite my dog, a 12 pound Shitzu. For the safety of both dogs it was determined that the dog could not be together. So his ex-wife now has the dog at her house 100% of the time. My boyfriend walks the dog once a day, three times a week. He still shares all expenses.

This new arrangement is no longer working because his ex-wife has majority control of the dog with it being in her custody and at her home. My boyfriend must ask her to visit the dog on his "off" days, even though he has the right to see the dog 50% of the time, and she says yes or no. He recently asked to take care of the dog over x-mas while she was out of town and she said no, the dog was going to the kennel. He recently asked to switch his Saturday walking day to Sunday and she said no. We feel we have zero say in things and he is only used as a dog walker for her. In addition, he would like to move on from his relationship with her because the sole basis for their 8 year marriage was the dog. The current arrangement makes him feel like he is still in the relationship with her and she continues to control him like in their marriage.

If he wants to change the decree so that she has full care, custody and control of the dog can he do this? If yes, does she have a legal right to make him pay her off because the decree says all expenses are shared, 50:50? She also said that she wants him to pay for a dog walker three days a week, basically to backfill his role. Can she legally force us to pay her for a dog walker? The dog is 9.5 years old and expected life is 12 years. His ex-wife currently make approximately $79k so she can afford the dog. Is this factored into the decision?

 

[seniorjudge]

You need to go back to court to modify the judgment in your lawsuit.

Do not be surprised if the judge tells you he will not hear such stuff and that you should settle it between yourselves.

 

[sepatric]

Thank you, for the response. The problem is that the two are suppose to first go to mediation before court. The two are trying to work it out between themselves before mediation, but his ex-wife is a lawyer (she's never practiced!) and is threatening mediation and then court if he doesn't pay her for half the expenses and a dog walker three days a week. Can she actually get this? My boyfriend is extremely paranoid that the mediator and the court will force him to pay her half expense (food and vet), dog walking costs, and kennel costs. We're trying to determine what she can actually get from us and what's the likelihood of anyone forcing us to meet her demands.

 

[seniorjudge]

Mediators do not force anything.

In fact, I highly recommend mediation.

It saves time and money.

 

[sepatric]

Thank you, thank you! That's what I told my boyfriend, but he still goes back to the divorce decree and what that says. He extremely hung up on the fact his ex has a law degree.

What happens if they can't settle in mediation, go to court and the judge tells them to settle outside of court because it's such a ridiculous matter (which I fully agree with!)

What's next? Mediation until they work it out I suppose. I suggested that my boyfriend end the walking responsibilities after two weeks if she is not more reasonable on her requests. Is that bad advice? Will it make him look bad in court later on?

 

[seniorjudge]

A law degree! Big whoop.

A mediator will NOT give preference to one side or the other.

If he did that, his business would tank, literally overnight.


(Yes, obviously there are bad mediators and bad mothers and bad cops and bad dogs, etc. I know that; just generalizing.)

 

[Duranie]

i think fighting over something petty like a dog is ridiculous. a child yes, a dog no.

But I do not see why a judge would grant her the expense of a dog walker if your boyfriend is available to do it. he can fight that one.

 

[sepatric]

Someone she tell her that!

Anyway, what did you mean when you said, "If he did that, his business would tank, literally overnight"? Was that in reference to my suggestion that he not walk the dog three nights a week like he currently is doing?

Again, thanks. You've been helpful.

 

[seniorjudge]

...

A mediator will NOT give preference to one side or the other.

If mediator did that, his business would tank, literally overnight.

...

 

[sepatric]

He wants to end his relationship with her and by doing so it mean ending all dog responsibilities and rights. Right now the two are still connected because of the dog- this is essentially a mirror image of their marriage. They were like roommates with a marriage license and a dog hold them together. They got rid of the marriage license, but not the dog. He wants her to assume full responsibility, care, custody, etc. He's willing to relinquish all rights.

She is upset because it means that she can't go out on those evenings he walks the dog and so she wants him to pay for a dog walker if he wants to change the decree and have her have full care for the dog.