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Can we be free of our daughter?

Discussion in 'Emancipation Law' started by PTSDMom, Nov 6, 2017.

  1. PTSDMom

    PTSDMom Law Topic Starter New Member

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    Jurisdiction:
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    A pamphlet I picked up at the juvenile court entitled "When Are You a Juvenile and When Are You an Adult?" states that a child can move out at 17. Our daughter could not wait that long. She will be 17 in April 2018. Both our children are adopted. Both were abused and neglected in their birth home. As a consequence both have Reactive Attachment Disorder and PTSD. Our son was removed from our home permanently as he was too violent. Daughter has not been violent to the same degree. But she is verbally abusive, defiant, and untrustworthy. She's shoplifted at least 3 times, and stolen from us way more than that. She has been to the behavioral hospital twice. The police have been called at least a half dozen times. 3 of which were for her refusing to go to school. She is failing her classes. She has also been diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Depression, and Severe Mood Disregulation Disorder. She very likely has Binge Eating Disorder but has not yet been officially diagnosed. She has moved in with my sister as her behavior was becoming way more volatile. She wanted out and she forced the issue with her horrible behavior.

    My question is, that if she can legally move out at 17, when can we be utterly free of her? We will be free of our son when he's adopted and we TPR. He's presently in foster care and we pay a monthly child support payment. (Soapbox: In which other form of domestic violence do the victims have to pay their abuser support? Answer: None. But our society does not want to acknowledge that children can be abusers. End soapbox.) But for our daughter, we are, at this stage, still obligated to pay for clothing, medicines, therapy, etc., even though she's living with my sister. We will probably pay for school lunches. We have to provide medical/dental/vision insurance and pay those bills.

    When can that stop? And will having her declared Beyond Parental Control help our case?
     
  2. mightymoose

    mightymoose Moderator

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    Being able to legally move out with parental consent does not mean parents are relieved of responsibilities.
    When she is 18 you can be free of any legal obligations. Until then she remains yours regardless of where she
    Iives.
    Even at 17, she won't be able to move out on her own without consent. You might think real hard about the trouble she might get into if you permit her to go.
     
    leslie82 likes this.
  3. PTSDMom

    PTSDMom Law Topic Starter New Member

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    I honestly don't think we can live with her until she's 18. She treats us horribly. She's also causing problems at my work that could end with me being fired. She got into a physical confrontation with my husband. She wants us to fight her so we can get charged with abuse. She said she'd rather live on the street than live with us. If she comes back, we will have to go Beyond Parental Control. We can't continue to live like we have been until yesterday.
     
    Last edited: Nov 6, 2017
  4. mightymoose

    mightymoose Moderator

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    Contact social services and make use of any resources that are available. They may not work, but your effort to seek help can protect you from many allegations.
     
  5. zddoodah

    zddoodah Well-Known Member

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    Depends on what "utterly free of her" means.

    You are no longer legally responsible for providing for your child's needs when your child becomes an adult, which happens when she turns 18.

    Case for what?
     
  6. PTSDMom

    PTSDMom Law Topic Starter New Member

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    Finally not having to support her.
     
  7. army judge

    army judge Super Moderator

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    Tick tock tick tock, hickory dickory dock

    You have only five months, no more than 150 odd days before she becomes an adult.

    Yeah, welcome to my lousy adult world.
     
  8. txls

    txls Well-Known Member

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    So if you don't want to support her, who do you think should?
     
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  9. leslie82

    leslie82 Well-Known Member

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    Why would you adopt children knowing they had behavioral issues if you couldn't handle it? They are your children. You adopted them. Would you want to just toss them if they were your biological children?

    You are a horrible person and I hope your son goes to a better home. Your daughter is your daughter until she is the age of majority in your state.

    Stay off the soapbox it doesn't help your case. Your son is much different than an adult abuser. He had no choice in how his life turned out. He can't help how he is. I have a feeling that you and your significant other exacerbate their behavioral issues. Good thing your daughter is with your sister and not you.
     
  10. PTSDMom

    PTSDMom Law Topic Starter New Member

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    Herself when she's legally and adult.
     
  11. PTSDMom

    PTSDMom Law Topic Starter New Member

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    I reported you. You don't know me, my history, our story, what our son did, what our daughter is capable of. You don't know anything about us. And no, we didn't know when they were 8 and 9 what their behavior problems would be. This was not a foster-to-adopt situation. It was international. I repeat, you don't know anything about us. So keep your insults to yourself.
     
  12. cynthiag

    cynthiag Active Member

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    Which will be when she turns 18, which according to your original post will not be for nearly another year and a half: "She will be 17 in April 2018".

    So it looks like you're on the hook to support her until April 2019, when she turns 18, whether or not she's living with you. Whether or not she can legally move out at 17, she won't technically be considered an adult until she turns 18.
     
  13. hrforme

    hrforme Active Member

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    It does sound like you knew their issues when you adopted them but believed your love could overcome them. Have you had help for them along the way? Have you personally sought help from a therapist? Because your reactions are abnormal. What you are asking is outside most normal people's wheelhouses of experience. I've had friends who adopted internationally that had issues later. But this board is not the place to get them resolved by strangers.

    Most people believe that when you adopt that child is yours for life -- good or bad, just like a biological child would be. Please get the help you need for yourself to be able to deal with the issues.
     
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  14. PTSDMom

    PTSDMom Law Topic Starter New Member

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    What I was asking here is legal information. Not to resolve my children's issues. And yes, OF COURSE, we sought help along the way. You can't force a child to heal. You still do not know OUR story or OUR children. You know your friends' stories. You called me a horrible person based on your assumptions with no or not enough data to back it up. So if you don't have legal information (though my question has been answered several times now), then you don't need to be in this thread at all.
     
  15. mightymoose

    mightymoose Moderator

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    I suspect all the legal information you are going to get is that the child remains your responsibility until 18 regardless of where the child resides.
    You've posted this in the section regarding emancipation. The circumstances you give are not going to emancipate the child. I suggest utilization of social services and law enforcement as necessary. There is help available, but you will not be able to legally shed responsibility and escape these problems. You'll have to find a way through it.
     
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  16. army judge

    army judge Super Moderator

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    If a child misbehaves in ways a parent can no longer successfully direct the child, a parent can speak with a lawyer and attempt to have the child declared INCORRIGIBLE by the appropriate court, or whatever it's called in MO.

    I suggest you and hubby meet with a couple lawyers and see if there s legal way out of this intolerable situation for you and hubby, and the two children.

    There is a legal way to extricate yourselves, you must endeavor to discover it. The right family law attorney can assist you in your quest.
     
  17. KatDini

    KatDini Well-Known Member

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    You've confused about two different posters' posts. But, do, carry on.
     
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  18. leslie82

    leslie82 Well-Known Member

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    LOL Reported me for what? I didn't insult anything. Guilty conscience? It's quite clear in your original post that you did know they had behavioral issues when you adopted them. So don't get all bitchy with me.

    You are getting the same info - you have to take care of the daughter until she's an adult. You sound like a horrible person to me. If you want legal advice you need to talk to a lawyer as you can't get legal advice on a public forum. I honestly don't care what you think either.

    I know enough based on what YOU said. Lol and you can't tell anyone on here what to do or say. Perhaps go hire a lawyer because that's the only way you get legal advice. Have a LOVELY day.
     
  19. ElleMD

    ElleMD Well-Known Member

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    Let's all cease with the parenting advice as this isn't a "Mommy Board". Legally, this kid is yours for better or worse, in sickness and in health, til death do you part, midnight on April {birthdate}, 2019, or you convince a judge to terminate your parental obligation. Sending her to live elsewhere changes nothing legally. Whether she lives with your sister or attends boarding school, you are still financially and legally responsible for her. This is also why you still are paying CS for your son. You aren't paying your abuser, you are paying the people who are caring for him in your place
     

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