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Can I sue EX for NOT getting re married?

Discussion in 'Alimony & Spousal Support' started by SeeksSerenity, Jun 27, 2016.

  1. SeeksSerenity

    SeeksSerenity Law Topic Starter New Member

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    Jurisdiction:
    North Carolina
    We do not have a court ordered agreement, she filed and was granted an absolute divorce. We (naively) did our own separation agreement and had it notarized, so it is just a contract. Terms to terminate alimony are half the time we were married or actual remarriage. Cohabitation was not written into the contract, and she has a guy living there for over 2 years now, I am hosed. They got engaged in November 2015. My question is can I sue her for just riding the Alimony train? That is avoiding actually getting married in order to keep collecting the monthly checks? I read there has been precedence/case law set in this area, but can not find it now. Proving it will not be a problem as three kids live in the same house and she is a social media addict.
     
  2. army judge

    army judge Super Moderator

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    You said it, you regret your home brew, FAUX separation agreement, right?

    Now you want to create another home brewed lawsuit, right?

    There's no way either of you can be coerced by anyone, or anything remarry.
    The truth is, most people wise up and choose not to remarry after a divorce.

    I guess you'll be supporting her and her paramour for longer than you expected, huh?

    A couple presidential candidates mention "bad deals" the US has made.

    Guess a few others have crafted bad deals, too.
     
  3. SeeksSerenity

    SeeksSerenity Law Topic Starter New Member

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    @army judge
    AJ,
    When the term Domestic Abuse is brought up, people automatically assume man on woman. I am here to tell you that was NOT the case in my marriage. I wanted out so bad I would have given up almost anything to get away. Yes it was a "bad deal" and I am still far better off to be away from her poison. I am assuming by your Army Judgemental response, that you are unaware of any case law pertaining to this.
    Thanks for your rapid reply~
     
  4. adjusterjack

    adjusterjack Super Moderator

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    The NC alimony/postseparation support statute begins with 50.16.1A at:

    North Carolina General Assembly - General Statutes - Chapter 50: Divorce and Alimony.

    There is nothing that I can find that prohibits a private agreement for alimony.

    Ordinarily I would agree with Army Judge that you would be stuck with the terms of your agreement.

    However, you mention domestic abuse.

    Statute 50-16.2A requires a judge to consider marital misconduct in deciding whether to award support or not.

    See:

    http://www.ncleg.net/EnactedLegislation/Statutes/PDF/BySection/Chapter_50/GS_50-16.2A.pdf

    No, you can't successfully sue her for not getting married, but it's remotely possibly that you could get the court to cancel the support agreement based on domestic abuse.

    No guarantees, of course, but I suggest you consult an attorney about the possibility.
     
  5. cbg

    cbg Super Moderator

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    Just as an FYI, having an agreement notarized means that the notary has confirmed the identity of the signatories. It does not make an agreement binding or make it an enforceable contract.
     
  6. SeeksSerenity

    SeeksSerenity Law Topic Starter New Member

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    What makes in enforceable? I have NO PROBLEMS AT ALL paying Child support, I cover them for health insurance and give her a $1200 a year medical spending account to cover copays and office visits. 70% of agreed upon incidentals (like sports, scout camp, etc...) I do however have a problem supporting the paramour and his kids .
     
  7. cbg

    cbg Super Moderator

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    It is made enforceable by a court ordering it.
     
  8. adjusterjack

    adjusterjack Super Moderator

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    A contract (agreement or settlement) is enforceable if it is comprised of the following elements:

    Offer, acceptance, competent parties who have the legal capacity to contract, lawful subject matter, mutuality of agreement, consideration, mutuality of obligation.

    You have all of those elements in your contract. That you now have "buyer's remorse" doesn't change the enforceability of the contract.

    You don't get to raise the cohabitation issue now because you didn't include it in the contract.
     
  9. SeeksSerenity

    SeeksSerenity Law Topic Starter New Member

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    Ok, I took B Law in college and understand adjusterjacks answer. I understand there are TWO types of Separation agreements. One is court ordered the other is not, it is just a "contract" between the two parties. We have the second. CBG threw in the Court Ordered phrase. She filed for absolute divorce, in NC I understand that basically "deletes" the marraige "contract" and any claims from it. The paperwork from Wake County District Court 5 is a total of 3 sheets and just says "yall are divorced". How can there be any Court Ordering?
     
  10. adjusterjack

    adjusterjack Super Moderator

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    There isn't any "court order" in existence for postseparation support.

    I think cbg's sentence can be interpreted as saying that a court "could" order that your existing postseparation support agreement is enforceable if a dispute about it was brought to the attention of the court.
     
  11. SeeksSerenity

    SeeksSerenity Law Topic Starter New Member

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    Moving forward. Should I talk to a Contract Lawyer (home brew contract has flaws) wrong separation date to begin with. Or a family Lawyer?
     
  12. cbg

    cbg Super Moderator

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    Thanks, AJ. Yes, that is what I was getting at. (It's been a more than usually long day and half of what was in my head didn't make it into the post.)
     
  13. adjusterjack

    adjusterjack Super Moderator

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    Yeah, that happens to me, too.
     
  14. adjusterjack

    adjusterjack Super Moderator

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    Family or divorce lawyer who is familiar with separation agreements and support issues.

    Flaws don't necessarily invalidate a contract. Clerical errors like a wrong date can be fixed by the court and the contract enforced. A flaw would have to be material to have any affect on enforcement and even a material flaw might be correctable or just result in that single provision being unenforceable while the rest of the contract can still be enforced.

    Worse, a contract with flaws (ambiguities) is often construed against the person who drafted the contract.

    If you would care to list the flaws that you have issue with, I'll be happy to comment on them.
     
  15. army judge

    army judge Super Moderator

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    You ASSumed I ASSumed things that get some people agitated.
    Domestic abuse isn't only meted out by a husband on his wife.
    I've seen many a husband abused by his wife.
     
  16. SeeksSerenity

    SeeksSerenity Law Topic Starter New Member

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    In NC, a couple must be separated (individual addresses) for one year before a divorce is granted. She drafted this with a separation date of a totally different date (year prior) than actually happened. I was not willing to face the felony for falsification if it had been verified so I did not push for divorce until the actual year transpired. I have both an email and voice recording(NC is a one way permission recording state) from her stating this.
     
  17. SeeksSerenity

    SeeksSerenity Law Topic Starter New Member

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    AJ,
    I came to alleged professionals for guidance, your answer was curt and judgmental. I am 53 and work two jobs to funnel money into her abusive and controlling talons. Yes, I screwed up but I am not the same guy I was a few years ago. I deserve a life now too, how is it fair I have to continue to be abused for years ? She leaves a path of destruction wherever she goes and I am done letting that wake of carnage tangle me. A Cary Police Domestic Violence Detective has visited her after the last fiasco. Judge Mangum in Family court suggested she get counseling after the bogus DVPO. I have blocked her from communication except for email, yet I still pay...
     
  18. army judge

    army judge Super Moderator

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    You are free to petition a court in order to make sure the truth is known under oath.

    Bring in witnesses to substantiate your position.
    You'll also be able to cross examine or subpoena anyone with information relevant to your case.
    I'd rather pay a lawyer his or her fee to represent my position, than tribute to a spouse beater and her live in paramour.
     
  19. ElleMD

    ElleMD Well-Known Member

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    This new guy has no legal obligation to her or your children. He could walk away tomorrow. Should he pass away without a will, she gets nothing. This is the reason that separation/alimony agreements stipulate marriage and not just dating or cohabitation. Had they married there would be a legal obligation to her. Would you object if she brought in a roommate she was not involved with romantically? If an elderly parent or family member moved in and presumably helped with the bills? Or is it really just that you are jealous she moved on and has a new guy in her life?
     
  20. SeeksSerenity

    SeeksSerenity Law Topic Starter New Member

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    Elle,
    Are you a physician or do you live in Maryland? I appreciate your attention to my plight, but fail to see how any of your comments are helpful. The scenarios you present are fiction. You are correct, he has no legal obligation to her or my kids, nor do I to support him. North Carolina DOES have cohabitation laws regarding alimony because it realizes spousal support should end once finances are commingled with a paramour. One sentence was omitted from my SA and I am screwed. As stated earlier, I gladly pay child support, insurance, etc. I fail to see why I should have to support some guy. Am I jealous? I lost 50 lbs, taken up two forms of martial arts and am happier than I have been in 15 years. One does not know how deep or dark the hole is until they climb out, I am quite happy and recovering from those years. No Elle, I am not jealous. I can't get far enough away from that poison.
    Thanks for your "concern".
     

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