Can Ex Change Custodial Agreement Based On My New Fiance' (Parolee)??

[L8O1D8]

Hello. Thank you for taking the time to read and (hopefully) respond to my post with some useful information.

My ex-husband and I divorced a few years ago, and he was granted full physical and legal custody of my son. I was granted half legal custody with unsupervised visits every other weekend, as well as any other time that my ex and I agree upon. I pay child support every two weeks as ordered by the court. My ex and I are on very good terms in regards to all of this and basically every other situation, with the exception of the following.

I am engaged to a man I have known since childhood, who has unfortunately been incarcerated in California State Prison for two (almost consecutive) terms. One was for two years, and the one he's currently serving has been almost four years.

The point of this post is not to argue if this is right or wrong. It is what it is and I appreciate the responders' acknowledgment that I have my son's best interest, safety, and good mental health in mind. If there was ever to be a sign of those things being in jeopardy, I would end the relationship and this would all be a non-issue. With that aside, I'll proceed.

My fiance' is paroling to my home. I live in a one-bedroom apartment by myself. His criminal record is quite extensive, however a new start is all we want. My ex-husband loathes my fiance', and tells me that he will not allow our son to meet or spend any time near or with my fiance'. This obviously poses the possibility of a major problem for everyone.

My questions are:

What can my ex-husband legally do to prevent my son from being near my fiance', if anything?

Does my lifestyle have anything to do with any decisions? (I'm clean, sober, working full-time, educated, and stable.)

How pertinent is my fiance's criminal record in this situation? (He has never committed or been convicted of any violent crimes in regular society, but he has "caught cases" while institutionalized, he has never committed or been convicted of any criminal behavior involving children, he has never committed or been convicted of any sex crime whatsoever... his charges involve holding drugs and guns, auto theft, and he IS a validated prison gang member.)

What would it cost financially and time-wise for my ex to do anything to take steps legally?

I really appreciate any advice I can get. I know how this must sound based on the facts. There is just so much more to this story that is actually positive and good, but again, the point here is for me to be able to explore both my ex's options and my own to know how I can protect my relationship with my son from being disrupted by my ex's contempt for a man that is trying to change his life after paying his dues for his crimes.

Thank you.

 

[Duranie]

If he has an extensive criminal record, you are jeapordizing your sons safety and personally I would question your judgement. So yes you are going to have problems. You might have to choose between your fiancee or your son. I would choose the latter.

You are not going to like this but I'll say it anyways. This man has a long criminal record which means he has NO desire to change. 90% of parolee's go back to prison. He did not learn the first time so he will not change. Dad has a good reason to stop unsuperved visits and if you have this man in your home, he will likely be granted it. A child that has an unrelated male that lives in a home has a much greater chance of being abused, and that chance is increaesed even more now that you have this loser (and that is exactly what he is) in your home.

Yuo are not stable, IMO, by even allowing this man in your home with a young child.

So get ready for a battle with your child. You may find yourself with VERY limited visitation rights. I hope this man is worth it.

 

[L8O1D8]

No, I don't like your reply, but I respect your opinion. Trust and believe, I have been hearing this same drag over and over again. I have valid and good arguments on this (you cannot convince me that you know what my fiance' desires based on statistics... that kind of analytical thinking is far too limited) but what I need here is legal advice. So thanks anyway.

I would appreciate it very much if I can get some actual FACTS in regards to my situation, as opposed to negative opinions, but it is a free public forum, so I will just hope for someone to help me out.

Thanks.

 

[Duranie]

Just because you do not like my opinion, does not mean it is not legally correct. If you insist on dating and marrying this man, expect big problems with your ex and a family court. Be prepared that you may lose your rights to the child. I do not know your fiancee but I know enough from your post. This is not a support board, this is a legal board. It is pretty obvious you know this is going to cause problems for you, so why do it? dom't expect a judge to be sympathetic to your situation.

 

[BayState]

No, I don't like your reply, but I respect your opinion. Trust and believe, I have been hearing this same drag over and over again. I have valid and good arguments on this (you cannot convince me that you know what my fiance' desires based on statistics... that kind of analytical thinking is far too limited) but what I need here is legal advice. So thanks anyway.

I would appreciate it very much if I can get some actual FACTS in regards to my situation, as opposed to negative opinions, but it is a free public forum, so I will just hope for someone to help me out.

Thanks.

Here is a LEGAL fact: This to chose between your child or your convicted gang-banger boyfriend.

Your choice.

 

[superdaddydrew]

My ex wife started dating a felon, he wasn't on parole or probation but it was for violent crime and he had a drug history also. Thankfully I never had to turn down any of her visits because she just didn't take them, she married the guy and I let the kids attend the wedding and meet the guy. Within a few weeks she was in prison for trafficing meth, she served one year. I had her visitation rights removed while she was in prison, but she got out and he stayed in I slowly gave her back her visitation rights one step at a time until I was comfortable that she was behaving at least when she had the kids.

Point is if he wanted he could take your visitation PERIOD. If you move in with this person you are in fact jeapordizing your son. I heard everything you have said to your ex probably from my ex, and though I did work with her the best I could I would have never allowed the kids to be out of my sight near that man, I suspect your ex will have the same attitude. I recommend kicking him out and working towards your sons future and what is best for it. Can your boyfriend change and maybe even be good with your son? No doubt he can pull it off sometimes... maybe even most of the time. BUT that is the wrong question what you need to ask yourself is.

IS THERE ANY CHANCE THIS MAN WILL HARM ME OR MY SON DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY. If the chance was remote, its a chance you can't afford to take.

There is nothing you can do either no judge would ever put that child in that apartment unsupervised, and who would want to see less of their child. No sex, man, love, or money is that good hun.