California grandparent visitation

C

Cupcakes62

New Member
I have not been able to see my granddaughter for almost 2.5 years. She will be 4 yrs. old in October 2015. I want to see her, get to know her, and have her in my life. I want to file with the court requesting visitation with her. Is this available to me? What can I expect?

Brief history: My daughter was 16 yrs. old when she gave birth. The father was 14 yrs. old. Each parent would have my granddaughter, sometimes longer than planned because one wouldn't show up. Each parent had a lifestyle that wasn't stable for a baby. Overtime, my daughter didn't show up to get her daughter, the dad has kept her. The dad has improved his life some, and with help, my granddaughter is safe, healthy, doing well. The dad has not contacted my daughter, any of his family, no one on my daughters side all this time. He and his girlfriend have kept my granddaughter away from all of us for over 2 years. He moved to another town, unknown to anyone except him, his girlfriend and her parents.
He finally responded back to my message, and he refuses to let me see my granddaughter. He is 19 years old and responded back to me with complete lack of respect, accusations, lies, threats. I'm 52 yrs. old and not going to allow him disrespecting me, so I'm seeking court help.

Will I be able through the court get visitation with my granddaughter? Thank you, (deleted)


I removed your first & last name - please do not post any personal info. Thanks. Betty3 (moderator)
 
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Do you have lots of money to pour into a suit, considering you've not seen this child in over two years?

Where is Mom at this point?
 
I have read, printed all of the info available. I understand most of it. My concern is my granddaughter and I have had no contact in over 2 years. There hasn't been any bonding. I want bonding with her. Will I be allowed visitation ?
 
Cupcakes62 said:
Mom is taking care of herself, has her own place, attending to her court order obligations and sober. Why a suit...more info please.
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Well, if you cannot get voluntary visitation, you will have to seek court-ordered visitation. A grandparent has no inherent right to see a child against the parent's wishes. You must prove to the court that (1) there was a pre-existing relationship between grandparent and grandchild that has "engendered a bond" AND, (2) that it is in the best interest of the child such that the rights of the parent(s) should be circumvented.

I have to say that it is rare for a court to ORDER visitation with a grandchild over the parents' objections.

Here is the applicanle law:

http://leginfo.ca.gov/cgi-bin/displaycode?section=fam&group=03001-04000&file=3100-3105
 
Cupcakes62 said:
I have read, printed all of the info available. I understand most of it. My concern is my granddaughter and I have had no contact in over 2 years. There hasn't been any bonding. I want bonding with her. Will I be allowed visitation ?
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It is not too likely that the court would grant visitation in such a circumstance. However, you can still speak to an attorney on the matter just in case. Plus, maybe you can cajole dad to allow for visitation. Or, help mom file for visitation if she is truly clean, sober, and not otherwise prohibited from seeing the child.
 
Thank you for your info. I've tried talking with the 19 yr. old dad, however, his replies back were argumentative, disrespectful, insulting, defensive, angry and more. I ended up ending the conversation as it was unproductive, and without merit. He's a no it all, immature, young, and angry at my daughter, and abuses me because of it. I'm not allowing that behavior near me. I'm going to file the required papers, and talk with the judge or a mediator. If denied visitation, my granddaughter will see proof that I tried, tried again and again and know she wasn't forgotten.
 
Yes, I am aware of the bond issue, and my not having one, could result negatively. My daughter is getting slowly back on her feet, so she's not ready yet for visitation, she will get there. My daughter will not contest my desire, and is for it 100%. The dad is extremely difficult to deal with since he's a baby himself and thinks showing his gun around is cool, and good for his reputation.

Thank you for responding back. Appreciated
 
Parents have a right to raise their children as they see fit, until a court decides that they are not. If Dad has taken on the full parenting role for the past several years because your daughter refused to take responsibility, I can understand why he might be reluctant to expose the child to her side of the family. Do not expect a court to und that. Dad is only 19 and has shouldered a tremendous burden, granted one of his making, but raising a child while in HS is far from easy. He probably does have a lot of resentment toward you and your daughter and to some extent that is understandable.

You might get further by offering assistance, rather than insisting on visitation. It is going to be a shock for this little girl to go off with a stranger and difficult to explain that you are the mother of her mother who isn't in her life. Getting into a court battle you are bound to lose won't get you what you want and it sure will not improve relations between you all. If you want to show this little girl you love her, offer Dad assistance. Extend an olive branch rather than a court summons and ask what you can do to provide assistance. Send birthday and holiday gifts. That might open the door for you to start visiting when Dad is around and eventually spend time with you alone when she is older. It might not work as it sounds like there are years of bad blood between you but it has a much better chance than a lawsuit for visitation.

Keep tabs on the girl and maybe create a scrapbook or diary of sorts for her when she does become an adult. Don't use it to bash her father or mother, but you can include family stories, pertinent medical information she may need in the future, and other information about her mother's family she may one day wish to have.
 
The way you get visitation is by helping your daughter to get visitation. If your daughter doesn't want that then you likely won't get it. Along with a visitation order would likely be a child support order.
 
Thanks for your input. I want to take baby steps, I told the dad we could meet at a park, have pizza something where's there's others. Gifts are great, but getting to her is difficult. I just thought maybe going the court route might be available, but wasn't sure. The dad hasn't any reason to be upset with me as I haven't or anyone in my family harmed him, we've been helpful in a bad situation.
 
Thank you. Yep, I am helping my daughter...she's doing very well these days. In time, prayerfully, all will mended and my granddaughter will get to know me, her mom, etc.
 
I say this not to provoke but to hopefully provide a devil's advocate. Your daughter made this guy a father before he was old enough to shave. Girls mature much faster and I say this with affection but 14 year old boys are dumber than a box of rocks when it comes to the fairer sex. She was older, though admittedly not much, so he may be feeling she took advantage. Not only that, but she has been out of the picture for multiple reasons, leaving him holding the bag so to speak. He has been raising this child for years without the benefit of the mother. It isn't clear if she has provided financial assistance, but it sounds unlikely that she has been substantially contributing to the financial security of the child. His HS years were spent changing diapers and parenting a child whose mother abruptly disappeared from her life. Even if only some of this is true, or true in his mind, that is very good reason for resentment and it was harmful.

It isn't clear where you have been for the last 2.5 years, or even the time previous to that. You show up after being absent for years and want to reopen wounds for he and the child. You don't know the child's emotional state or what she knows about her mother or what Dad is ready to share with her. Sure he could just be spiteful and not allowing you to see the child for selfish reasons but at least consider the possibility that introducing you now, to this child, might not be best for the child. He stepped up and raised the child when many would have crumbled, so he can't be all bad. It might not have anything to do with you. In fact, I'd venture to say it has very little to do with you directly. The more you push and insist, the less this seems like a good idea and the more he is going to push back.

You might be ready to jump right into grandparenthood, but that comes at a price for the child and for the father and now might not be the time to pay. Take it slow. Stay cordial. Quit getting defensive. Don't push. And you just might convince him it is safe to open that door and expose his child to what is on the other side.
 

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