Bullying/ Hate crime

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utahjustice

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My nine year old daughter was playing outside with her friend and 6 or more kids (boys and girls) started spitting on her and called her a racial slur. Some of the girls that were assaulting her bullied her in the past. The apartment manager was informed but nothing has been done, we also called the police and they did not take it seriously. My daughter is terrified and no long wants to play outside. Is there anyway to hold these kids or thier parents accountable.
 
You need to take your concerns to the parents directly. The apartment manager has no hands I this. With kids this young the police have no part either.
Parenting is what is needed, for all involved.
 
Agreed. Why on earth did you take it to the apartment manager? What did you think he was going to do about it?

It's the kids's parents you need to be talking to.
 
Another suggestion might be that you join your daughter outside. See for yourself what interactions are occurring and, perhaps, take steps to correct it (verbally).

You might also discover that the situation is not quite as it has been related to you. Very often I have discovered that the story as related by the child is not what actually happened ... you never know.
 
utahjustice said:
My nine year old daughter was playing outside with her friend and 6 or more kids (boys and girls) started spitting on her and called her a racial slur. Some of the girls that were assaulting her bullied her in the past. The apartment manager was informed but nothing has been done, we also called the police and they did not take it seriously. My daughter is terrified and no long wants to play outside. Is there anyway to hold these kids or thier parents accountable.
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As you have been told you currently do not have a legal issue. Its unlikely some 9 to 12 year olds (guessing) can or would be charged with "Hate crimes". Nor is it likely they would be charged with assault. What you have here is a "parenting" issue. Try a "Parenting forum" like http://www.parentnook.com/forum/ (affiliated with this site) to see what other parents have done in similar situations
 
The apartment manager was actually outside and was alerted by other children that this was happening while it was taking place. When I came outside to check on my daughter the apartment manager came to me and said that she knew several of the parents but could not tell me "legally" the apt number of where the children stayed. I agree. I would love to speak to the parents. Being that it is an apartment complex I do not know the parents nor where these children stay. The apartment manager involved herself and said that she would follow up with me so that I can meet with the parents. The apartment manager called a couple of the kids parents involved and the parents made a racial slur so I 'm sure this is a learned behavior. She informed this particular parent that we would like to speak to her and she declined in such a way that the apartment manger disconnected the call. I called the police because I am not able to talk to the parents so I wanted the police to them to since I could not legally be given the addresses of the parents involved. I thought this was best because I can not force a parent to speak to me without an altercation especially she feels like it is perfectly fine for her kids to treat another person that way. That is why I came here for advise. I cant talk to the parents and I have already talked to some of the kids involved in the past due to the same type of situation involving them bulling my daughter. It is never a one on one conflict, it is always 3 or more children. My daughter is almost 10 years old and although I check on her outside every 10-15 minutes there are no other parents out there and at her age she SHOULD not have to a parental escort to play outside. My daughter should also not be depressed and never want to go outside. It is not right to keep her from playing outside or for her to think that her mother has to stay right by her side while she plays because she is Black. My question is really what else can I do, or who can I contact.I WILL NOT UNDERPLAY THIS SITUATION. My child is being bullied and she is being bullied because she is black. This is not a one time situation it is the third instance. If this was happening at school I would have channels that I can go to.
 
Thanks for the suggestion. I have been joining my daughter, and she does not have a problem if I am there with her. And of course I want to be there because of things like this happening to her (this is not the first time that she has been assaulted in this manner). I having been trying to give her a little room by not standing over her while she pays and I just check on her every 10- 15 minuets but it disgusts me to know that the only reason why I am having to do this is because of her ethnicity. No other child her age has their parents following them around while they play. It looks like this is the only way for me to protect my daughter and I think it is pathetic. I am not able to contact the parents because I don't know where these kids stay in the complex and the apartment manager can not tell me.
 
I think you already got what your going to get far as "legal" goes. Again I suggest parenting forum to see how other parents have or suggest you handle this
 
If the authorities aren't interested, the complex has acted as much as they can, not much more you can do in that arena.

You can contact your elected city officials (mayor, city council person), elected state officials (state senator and state representative), the local media, and speak with a couple local attorneys.

The NAACP might have useful advice, as well as any city or state civil rights (human rights) agency or bureau. B'nAi Brith, Kiwanis, Lions Club, Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, Boys &Girls Clubs, YWCA, oodles more, too.

All you can do is inform yourself, seek to educate your baby, if you think enough hasn't been, won't be, or can't be done. Knowledge is power. Our country has and still has a very bad history as far as racism and sexism are concerned. Those two critters will never die. Hate is easy, love is hard. People often take the easy way, avoiding the hard.

You're also free to write a letter to the local newspaper voice of the people column, but don't name and shame.

Local churches, mosques, temples, religious programs can also offer you and child emotional encouragement and welcoming shelter.

To help the child, have her write an essay about equality, and one about her feelings as she was mistreated.

The law is very often an uncaring, unfeeling beast, through no fault of its own. Remember our laws were derived from the things we elect to represent and lead us. Many of this nation's founders were slave owners. Read our constitution. It was once okay to discount women, Native Americans, and Blacks. It's a very beautiful read (in words), but the meaning is very evil and dark for many left out. We've come a long way. We have so far yet to journey.


These days, those things are more self absorbed and care little about the people that chose them to represent their communities. Hence, seeking a legal solution for situations such as you describe is often pointless, useless, and unsatisfactory.

You can protect your child from wolves, tigers, bears, oh my, but racism, discrimination, hubris, insult, sexism, racism, are the viruses mankind has never been able to eradicate. I'm never surprised at how evil people (that includes little people, children, too) can be to others, and how low they'll stoop to hurt others, rather than bending over to help them up.

Take a lesson from Ghandi, Dr Martin Luther King, The Women's Sufferage movement, and the abolitionists, stay above the fight. Use your voice to speak, not to shout, educate, don't throw invective about, stay classy and nonviolent, no matter what you see and hear. That's a great lesson for you to teach your child.

Unfortunately, racism will never die, just like stealing and all other evil. Evil lives and grows in the hearts of many creatures. So too, does love, mom. Teach your daughter to use love to hold back the evil you don't want growing in her little heart. Teach her that there are many things in life she can't over come.

Keep it real, let her know there are also many good people. Let her see the good, that'll keep her away frm the bad. I wish you both well. Stay classy, don't attempt to fight this, embrace it, smile and bear it. Sadly, very few care, teach her that, too. But, endeavor to find those that do care. Show her better so that she becomes better. Fight racism with success. That's better for you and her.

Don't waste time trying to educate racists. They're happy the way they are. Do ignore them, avoid them, they'll never accept you or her. They will also cast you as evil, too. Sadly, open minds are very hard to find, especially when open mouths are spewing hate speech.

But, there are millions of good people who do and will help. They're not in the streets abusing innocents, they're in churches, temples, schools, workplaces, seek them; avoid the vermin. Show her there are battles one can't win, and people one must avoid.
 
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Thank you so much for your advise. I was starting to wonder if I was the only person that was taken back that this happened to a young girl. You are right and I will reach out to the people that you mentioned. I appreciate your kind words and helpful advise. It is very hard to see the amount of people that do not care. I grew up as a Air Force brat and a military wife so I have not be privileged to this type of racism in this magnitude although I have seen bits and pieces of it all over the country. Thanks again!
 
utahjustice said:
Thank you so much for your advise. I was starting to wonder if I was the only person that was taken back that this happened to a young girl. You are right and I will reach out to the people that you mentioned. I appreciate your kind words and helpful advise. It is very hard to see the amount of people that do not care. I grew up as a Air Force brat and a military wife so I have not be privileged to this type of racism in this magnitude although I have seen bits and pieces of it all over the country. Thanks again!
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You are more than welcome.
Trust me, racists are everywhere, even in our military.
Except, most members of the military learn by necessity that racism can cost you your life, or the lives of pals; and cause your mission to be lost.
The military is both good and bad.
Having spent 30 years of my life on active service in the army, I've seen good and bad.
I've seen racists follow regs, orders, and the law by doing what's right.
I've chatted about these things with friend and foe many times.
It was never resolved to my satisfaction, but we could reach accommodation.
Most everything in life is out of our reach, grasp, or control.
But, we should never stop trying.

Think about the itsy, bitty spider; Dr. Fulghum did!

"Nobody goes "AAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" when they sing it. Maybe because it puts the life adventure in such clear and simple terms. The small creature is alive and looks for adventure. Here's the drainpipe--a long tunnel going up toward some light. The spider doesn't even think about it--just goes. Disaster befalls it--rain, flood, powerful forces. And the spider is knocked down and out beyond where it started. Does the spider say, "To hell with that"? No. Sun comes out--clears things up--dries off the spider. And the small creature goes over to the drainpipe and looks up and thinks it really wants to know what is up there."
― Robert Fulghum, All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten


"I get tired of hearing it's a crummy world and that people are no damned good. What kind of talk is that? I know a place in Payette, Idaho, where a cook and a waitress and a manager put everything they've got into laying a chicken-fried steak on you."
― Robert Fulghum, All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten


"Sticks and stones may break our bones, but words will break our hearts"
― Robert Fulghum, All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten


"What I notice is that every adult or child I give a new set of Crayolas to goes a little funny. The kids smile, get a glazed look on their faces, pour the crayons out, and just look at them for a while....The adults always get the most wonderful kind of sheepish smile on their faces--a mixture of delight and nostalgia and silliness. And they immediately start telling you about all their experiences with Crayolas."
― Robert Fulghum, All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten

Last thing, I could blab forever about the book and its wisdom.
I still give a box (24 count) of Crayolas to every defendant who stands before me in court.
I started that after I read that great book.
Try it a couple of times, and I'll let you decide for yourself the power of Crayolas, not just crayons.
I've had to sentence people to some serious time, and I always step down off the bench to shake the defendant's hand and hand him or her those Crayons.
I've never had one incident by giving anyone Crayolas, except the sheriff used to take them away.
Today, our sheriff gives them out too. LOL
 
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