adultry and seperation

[william79]

My wife and I have been seperated since July 2004. We have a 3 year old son, and in Virginia couples with minor children must be seperated for a year before divorce proceedings can start. I believe this is to allow for reconciliation time, which I would love to be able to work things out for our son's sake. However, I have heard that if adultry can be proven the divorce can be started right away. I had a sneaky suspision that she was cheating on me before we got seperated, I have since done some investigating and have some things that also show suspision but nothing concrete. The mediator that we saw to set up joint custody said that infedelity can still be proven during this seperation period. I know she has a boyfriend now and was wondering if evidence of this would be addmissible in court. I am trying to get full custody of my son also, because she is not providing a good home life for him especially when she's entertaining "guests". The divorce I can live with but the fear of my son's health and safety I cannot. PLEASE any help or advice would be gratefully appreciated. Thank You in advance.

 

[NYClex]

Since child custody questions are involved in this I would advise you strongly to consult an attorney and let him handle that.

 

[radnad]

I realize this is an old post, but I do have a comment.
Your wife's so called adultery has nothing to do with her ability to be a good parent.
If she has strayed from you, it has nothing to do with your little son.
Something has failed between you both. It is just as much your falt she strayed. No matter what you want, she has decided not to live with you any longer. That does not give you the right to take away her rights to the child you both decided to have.
Your anger needs to be directed away from your relationship as parents. Co-parenting is the best thing for that little boy! If your son forms some opinion of her as parent, that is his right to do so. It is not your right to decide that because you stayed true to your wife, that you are a better parent.
Your son also deserves to love and know as many people in his life as possible. If it is to be that he have a new step Father. It is your job to maintain a healthy relationship with your ex. It will always be whats best for your child. And what is always best is to have access to both parents equally. Aside from abuse and neglect, there is no reason you should be going to court. The Mother will take a stand and will protect her rights. What a waist of time and money to fight over your pain. Own it and get on with a new realtionship with your ex. Be supportive and positive about her choices, it will only look good on you!
cheers.. and good luck

 

[duke1]

This Cannot Be Right

This is a rebuttal to the last entry.

What is a GOOD parent? Is it one who is able to completely support the physical needs of a child or is it one who is steadfast in living within moral standards. Or, how about both?

I feel that your phrase "so-called adultry" implicates a belief in relativism. This is a belief that there is no absolutes or real truth. It is strickly backed off of the structure of science in which inductive reasoning is the best approach. However, if there is no real truth, then relativism also would lack as an absolute answer...right?

No one wants to be judged. We would rather just be accepted for who we are, no matter what we do. Yet, the moment we say to someone, "You're being judgemental," are we not assuming the role of a judge?

Back to the original entry. A wife is suspected of further breaching a life-binding contract of staying faithful. Not only that, it is within potential view of their children. Because the children are the physical link between a husband and wife, does it not become the business of either parent regardless of separation? If both have have rites to that business...which rite should be honored?

I agree with you, that there must be a healthy relationship with a separated spoused and anger management must be considered. Anger seems to balance evil with evil oftentimes. In addition to that, I heard from a marriage counselor once sat that the most mature person is the one who takes the first step (and following through) in restoring a relationship.

In conclusion, I do hope that there is a law that protects the spiritual well-being as well as the physical well being of our children. One simply can't be without the other as I noticed in my personal life. It makes a HUGE difference.

To the original author: I feel your pain.