Absent Parents and their pregnant teenage daughter

[demon6977]

Jurisdiction

Georgia

I am asking this as a concerned parent.
My daughter, who is 15, has a friend, who is also 15, who has recently had a baby. I was appalled when my daughter came home to tell me the news of her friend's pregnancy. So, like any concerned parent I started to question her about her friends parents and what they have to say about all this.
Now, because this is from the mouth of a teenager, the details may not all be fact. Long story short.....Her mother is mostly absent, she is currently staying most of the week at her boyfriends house without her children whom she has left in the care of said 15 year old. Meanwhile, this girl who has been largely unattended and unsupervised has gotten herself pregnant, and most recently given birth. According to my daughter, the mother has refused to let the daughter come home with her new baby, but as far as I know is still her legal guardian. I know that the grandmother has been helping out in this aspect, but I don't know how long that will last. As I said, the 15 year old was largely responsible for her younger siblings who are now also with the grandmother due to the continued absence of the mother.
I don't have the means to help this girl, but I feel that she has gotten a bad hand. Her mother should to be held accountable for her disregard of her children, and the consequences of her absence. On the other hand, I don't want the other children to be taken away from an obviously caring grandparent. Is there anything I can do to help this girl? Could we give her any good advise?

 

[army judge]

Is there anything I can do to help this girl? Could we give her any good advise?

You're right, the words out of any child's mouth are often inaccurate.

If I were you, I'd keep my child way from the other child.

A rotten apple can spoil the entire bushel.


Yes, you can give the child money.

The child's absentee parent could become disturbed by giving her child gifts.

You can give the child advice, but be careful.

The child's absentee parent might get agitated by you advising her child.

If you believe the children are in a dangerous or harmful situation, call "911". The police KNOW what to do to make sure the children are protected, loved, fed, housed, and educated.

 

[ElleMD]

Leaving a 15 year old to babysit while with the boyfriend is not illegal, nor is letting the grandmother care for the children. She may not win mother of the year but is also not breaking the law. I'm not sure what you mean by not letting the 15 year old come home, especially since she is apparently the one left to babysit. Given that you know little about the circumstances I would stay out of it. Focus on making sure your daughter doesn't end up making you a grandmother for another decade or so, If you get credible information that there is legitimate abuse or neglect, contact CPS.

 

[leslie82]

I'm not sure how a 15 year old having a baby is a "bad apple"...

You can't do much about this. If you feel neglect or abuse is going on call the police and CPS. There's nothing you can do unless you see evidence of something illegal.

 

[army judge]

I'm not sure how a 15 year old having a baby is a "bad apple"...

One day, for the sake of your precious children that I know you love, you'll learn.

Just protect your children, keep them safe, there are many dangerous beasts on this planet desirous of destroying their lives.

As a parent, I'm sure you don't want your children hurt, nor do you teach them to hurt others.

May life be kind to you and yours.

 

[leslie82]

If my daughter got pregnant at 15 I would not consider her a "bad apple." Not all girls who get pregnant that young are promiscuous and it takes two. We had a girl in my class get pregnant the end of junior year and she was the last person I thought who would get pregnant. She ended up marrying someone else, had a couple more kids and she and her husband and family are doing well.

 

[shrinkmaster]

In this tale A Tale to Help Parents | Parent Nook you will see what earlier poster meant by keeping your child away from this one.

 

[cynthiag]

If my daughter got pregnant at 15 I would not consider her a "bad apple." Not all girls who get pregnant that young are promiscuous and it takes two. We had a girl in my class get pregnant the end of junior year and she was the last person I thought who would get pregnant. She ended up marrying someone else, had a couple more kids and she and her husband and family are doing well.

Thank you, Leslie, you took the words right out of my mouth. I got pregnant during my junior year and I was not in any way a "bad" girl, or a bad influence, or a "bad apple". My parents didn't somehow fail to properly parent me, either...they preached abstinence until marriage and were really quite strict and very involved with our lives.

Nobody I knew stopped their kids from hanging out around me because I was somehow going to corrupt them, simply because I got pregnant at 16. Some of my friends did get involved in drugs and alcohol on their own, but my getting pregnant had nothing to do with that. They basically left me behind because they wanted to drink, smoke pot, and party, and I didn't. I didn't fall into bad behaviors/habits/addictions because I got pregnant at 16. On the contrary, I made up my mind to be the best mom I could. I finished high school. I raised the son that was born when I was in high school and also my second child, born when I was 21, while starting a successful career.

I hear the words tossed around fairly frequently that a girl who gets pregnant as a teenager is ruining her life. Now I hear that she's also a bad apple. And I've read the "A Tale to Help Parents" referenced above, which says nothing about teen pregnancy, unless it's comparing becoming an alcoholic at a young age to having a child at a young age. Still doesn't convince me that a pregnant teenager deserves to be called a "bad apple". I think some people feel that if you act compassionate towards someone in that position, you are somehow condoning teenage pregnancy. That's not the case, nor am I trying to put some kind of rosy spin on it. (Being a good mom is hard work no matter how old you are when you enter into it, truth be told.) I just think the whole bad apple thing goes a bit far.

Oh, and if someone thinks I'm coming to my point of view from a position of youth or naivety, I'm 61 years old and the child of my teenage pregnancy was born 44 years ago.