A letter to my ex girlfriend parents

[Hussein2512]

Jurisdiction

Washington

My girlfriend broke up with me 4 years ago. It is still devastating as we were engaged and had marriage plans. She woke up one day telling me that we don't match. Her parents didn't know about the engagement. 2 years back she stared showing at my martial arts dojo and I had to stop going that time as it was painful to see her. I had an outstanding relationship with her parents. I emailed them 5 or 6 times over the last 4 years trying to find answers but I got no reply. I want to send them another email with our engagement picture and ask their help to tell me why all that happened but I am concerned she might consider this as harassment. I only emailed her less than 10 times and no text over those 4 years and all of them were very polite seeking answers.
Is it ok to send that email to her parents or there is risk ?

 

[zddoodah]

It's been four years. Long past time to move on. That your ex and her parents have been ignoring you is a rather clear signal that you should heed.

 

[hrforme]

If they didn't know about the engagement, why do you think they have any idea on why you broke up --especially since they have not replied to prior inquiries?

 

[Hussein2512]

I don't believe time is a factor when it comes to emotional trauma. Time doesn't heal. Only answers do that's why I want to find answers but I also need to be rational and careful not to step over others boundaries

 

[Hussein2512]

That's why I want to send the email. Maybe they can talk to her to find out. This is an Asian family so they are somehow close to each other. The fact that they didn't know about the engagement was always baffling to me

 

[zddoodah]

Send all the e-mails you want. You e-mailing her parents is not harassing her, but the parents might get to the point where they feel you're harassing them.

 

[mightymoose]

It isn't illegal, but doing so will not likely be seen as anything less than a nuisance.
It has been four years. The relationship is over. If you still can't come to terms with it you might seek the help of a counselor, but I suggest you leave the ex and her family alone.

 

[cbg]

You really think, that upon receiving an email from someone they didn't know was engaged to their daughter 4 YEARS AGO, they will immediately run to her, ask her why she broke up with you, and return email you to give you a reason? You REALLY think that's going to happen?

 

[army judge]

Is it ok to send that email to her parents or there is risk ?

Adults don't involve others in their relationships (past or present), nor do adults involve the parents of the other person.

Four long years later, move on, mate.

 

[army judge]

This is an Asian family so they are somehow close to each other.

Asian, African, European, South American, North American, or Australian; the continent from which one derived matters no more than their gender, age, race, ethnicity, or religious practice in the USA.

If that matters to you, mate, you're free to go where all of that nonsense is important.

 

[Hussein2512]

You really think, that upon receiving an email from someone they didn't know was engaged to their daughter 4 YEARS AGO, they will immediately run to her, ask her why she broke up with you, and return email you to give you a reason? You REALLY think that's going to happen?

Even though I had an outstanding relationship to them in the past ? They used to consider me more than a son

 

[mightymoose]

Nobody here is going to encourage you to continue on the course you are on.
You are not going to get the answers you seek.
You really should consider professional counseling to help finally leave this in the past.
Leave those people alone.

 

[Hussein2512]

Adults don't involve others in their relationships (past or present), nor do adults involve the parents of the other person.

Four long years later, move on, mate.

Don't you think this is what family and friends are for ? I used to be part of that family, going for dinner every day and chatting. I think adults involve other adults, it just depend on how close the person is (in my opinion).

 

[ElleMD]

If her parents didn't even know you were engaged to their child, apparently your relationship with them wasn't as strong as you like to think. They owe you nothing. Their priority is and should be their child. Even if they know why she ended the relationship, why would they discuss it with you? It has been 4 years. She gave you a reason, you just do not like the answer. Even if you somehow got a different answer, what good is that information going to do now? She has moved on. If you are unable to do the same, you need a therapist, not to send yet another email to people who clearly have no interest in speaking to you. It isn't illegal to email them, but if they get annoyed enough, or your message sounds threatening to them, there are legal steps they can take. For all you know your emails are blocked by now.

 

[txls]

You don't always get the answers you want. It's hard to deal with, our nature is to question why, but you just have to accept that in this case you won't get answers. I had a situation where I never got answers and now he is dead. I had to let it go. You need to let it go. Now if I counted right you've been told that by 8 people. No need for you to argue with us anymore. If you want to go ahead then just do it. You don't need our permission and you won't get anyone's approval.

 

[cbg]

Even though I had an outstanding relationship to them in the past ? They used to consider me more than a son

Yes, even if. In four years they've surely noticed that you're not around any more. An email from you is not likely to send them racing to their daughter to ask questions on your behalf.

 

[cbg]

Now if I counted right you've been told that by 8 people.

And that's just on this forum.

 

[Disabled Vet]

Even though I had an outstanding relationship to them in the past ? They used to consider me more than a son

Is that why they haven't stayed in touch with their long lost son? It's time to move on in life. She has found someone new. It's time you do as well. If you were more then a son they would have stayed in touch. Yet they haven't....... Leave this girl, her family alone.

 

[leslie82]

My girlfriend broke up with me 4 years ago. It is still devastating as we were engaged and had marriage plans. She woke up one day telling me that we don't match. Her parents didn't know about the engagement. 2 years back she stared showing at my martial arts dojo and I had to stop going that time as it was painful to see her. I had an outstanding relationship with her parents. I emailed them 5 or 6 times over the last 4 years trying to find answers but I got no reply. I want to send them another email with our engagement picture and ask their help to tell me why all that happened but I am concerned she might consider this as harassment. I only emailed her less than 10 times and no text over those 4 years and all of them were very polite seeking answers.
Is it ok to send that email to her parents or there is risk ?

Let it go. Yeah it sucks to get your heart broken. My ex husband destroyed me and I would love to know how he can just hurt people and not care and move on so easily. But I'll never get an answer and honestly it won't fix anything he did. He's a narcissist at the very least. Likely a sociopath. Drug addict. He only cares about himself.

Her parents won't know why she ended it if they didn't even know you were engaged. Obviously she's not close to them.

I would suggest some counseling if you already aren't doing it. You gotta let that go. She has likely moved on. If you don't you're just gonna drive yourself crazy and then you will end up getting charged with harassment one of these days. I'm surprised they haven't blocked you.

Sometimes people change. Sometimes people grow apart. That's just life man and it sucks but you can't change it and you will never get the answers you want.

 

[leslie82]

Even though I had an outstanding relationship to them in the past ? They used to consider me more than a son

Used to is the key word. You haven't been with their daughter in four years and she didn't tell them you're engaged. And they haven't contacted you in four years right? So obviously you aren't like a son. I was friends with my ex's family even before we got back together and got married and after the divorce. His dad said I was like a third daughter at one time before we got married. Guess what? We aren't so close the last two months because they kept defending their drug addict loser son/brother, etc thinking he would change this time magically after 18 years of using meth.

You can do what you want. Email them or whatever. But eventually they will get tired of it. They might not use those emails anymore. Or forgot you. Any number of things.

Get - over - her. She's not worth the time and effort to obsess over. She moved on so you move on. Seriously get some counseling. Or you're going to likely end up in jail for harassment and stalking one of these days.