Unofficial Sperm Donor

SadDad343

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Florida
A little over a year ago I helped an unmarried woman get pregnant, but not through a doctor or any lawyers. We just trusted each other, and the deal was we'd each have a kid for our own, but in the event she couldn't have a second, I would be allowed to see and visit the child. The first pregnancy went great, and we have a healthy boy. I wasn't added to the birth certificate.

After the birth, she tells me she doesn't feel healthy enough for a second child. I tell her I understand, and I'm just happy to see the baby. In about a month, the baby will be 1 year old, and she has completely cut me out of his life. I've been trying to give her some space to maybe come to her senses, but I just read about a supreme court case where a father lost all his rights to his child when he turned 2 because the mother's new partner wanted to adopt their child. The woman in my story is now engage, and I fear she is going to try the same thing.

It isn't too late, is it? I just wanted to be able to see him every now and then, but I don't think there's legal grey room for that. Either I fight for custody and pay child support, or nothing at all, right? Thank you for any advice.
 
It isn't too late, is it?

Any unmarried male that purports to father a child "out of wedlock" MUST go to court to establish his paternity.

Until the male has legally established his paternity he will remain a "legal stranger" to said child.

The custody of a child (described hereinabove) is vested at birth solely unto the birthing female.

Either I fight for custody and pay child support, or nothing at all, right?


Child support has nothing to do with establishing paternity or custody, per se; but often rears it's head once the male has established paternity.

Before you do anything relative to this matter, I suggest you seek the counsel of a licensed attorney in the state where you reside.
 
Ditto.
You have options. Seek legal counsel from a family law attorney to find out how to go about establishing paternity and jumping through the right hoops so you don't waste time and money. You certainly should expect child support orders to come at some point.
 
A little over a year ago I helped an unmarried woman get pregnant, but not through a doctor or any lawyers.

"But not through a doctor or any lawyers"? What a completely bizarre way to say this. So...basically...you and this woman had sex with the intent that she get pregnant. Right?

It isn't too late, is it?

Too late for what? To establish your paternity and seek a court order for custody, visitation and child support? No, it's not too late for that.

I just wanted to be able to see him every now and then, but I don't think there's legal grey room for that. Either I fight for custody and pay child support, or nothing at all, right?

No, wrong. Your options are as follows:

1. Do nothing. If the mother also does nothing, then, legally, this child will be no different than every other child who is not yours. However, the mother could decide to pursue you for child support (which would require that she establish paternity).

2. File an action to establish your paternity and to obtain a court order for custody, visitation and child support. You do not have to "fight for custody." You can agree that the mother should be the custodial parent with you having only the right to visitation.

What you cannot do is obtain an order for visitation without first establishing your paternity, which will also expose you to the obligation to pay child support.

Frankly, this is something that any reasonably intelligent adult knows or should know, which seems to make your plan completely cockamamie.
 
Something I'd like to point out: If mom (or kiddo [EDIT: as a minor]) ever applies for and is granted public assistance, then you will end up on the hook for repaying that.
 
A little over a year ago I helped an unmarried woman get pregnant, but not through a doctor or any lawyers. We just trusted each other, and the deal was we'd each have a kid for our own, but in the event she couldn't have a second, I would be allowed to see and visit the child. The first pregnancy went great, and we have a healthy boy. I wasn't added to the birth certificate.

After the birth, she tells me she doesn't feel healthy enough for a second child. I tell her I understand, and I'm just happy to see the baby. In about a month, the baby will be 1 year old, and she has completely cut me out of his life. I've been trying to give her some space to maybe come to her senses, but I just read about a supreme court case where a father lost all his rights to his child when he turned 2 because the mother's new partner wanted to adopt their child. The woman in my story is now engage, and I fear she is going to try the same thing.

It isn't too late, is it? I just wanted to be able to see him every now and then, but I don't think there's legal grey room for that. Either I fight for custody and pay child support, or nothing at all, right? Thank you for any advice.

What is wrong with people? It sounds like you have zero parental rights since you never established your paternity. So if she marries someone, yes that person can adopt that child as you have no rights.

If you want parental rights, you need to go establish them via your state's law. At this pint, probably via a paternity test which also means you will probably get a child support order as well if paternity is established.

People need to make a lot better decisions about bringing children into the world...
 
That's not actually true. The mother would have to notify the father/putative fathers.

Not if there is no one listed on the birth certificate and no one ever filed for paternity. All she has to do if asked "do you know who the father could be?" is say "no." Too easy.
 
Not if there is no one listed on the birth certificate and no one ever filed for paternity. All she has to do if asked "do you know who the father could be?" is say "no." Too easy.
I don't believe that it's wise or proper to advocate for perjury, fraud, etc. Legally, the mother MUST properly notify the possible fathers.
 
I don't believe that it's wise or proper to advocate for perjury, fraud, etc. Legally, the mother MUST properly notify the possible fathers.

Who did I advocate that to? No one. I simply said that it's extremely easy for a woman who has no one listed as a father on a birth certificate to say she doesn't know who the father is or even could be.

Legally people are supposed to do a lot of things yet everyone breaks some crime every single day.
 
Who did I advocate that to? No one. I simply said that it's extremely easy for a woman who has no one listed as a father on a birth certificate to say she doesn't know who the father is or even could be.

Legally people are supposed to do a lot of things yet everyone breaks some crime every single day.
Fair enough - I was looking at it from the wrong "point of view". Yes, our OP needs to stay on top of this in order to avoid the consequences of having impregnated a person who may commit fraud and perjury.

Having said that, the fact is that the OP does have rights, but he needs to be vigilant about protecting them.
 
Having said that, the fact is that the OP does have rights, but he needs to be vigilant about protecting them.

Some ideas are just too preposterous for me to even entertain, much less execute.

That said, genetic testing reveals the pappy and the mammy.
 
Fair enough - I was looking at it from the wrong "point of view". Yes, our OP needs to stay on top of this in order to avoid the consequences of having impregnated a person who may commit fraud and perjury.

Having said that, the fact is that the OP does have rights, but he needs to be vigilant about protecting them.

Actually he has zero parental rights at this moment because he never established them. If he didn't sign an AOP and he's not on the birth certificate - legally he's no one to that kid.
 
Actually he has zero parental rights at this moment because he never established them. If he didn't sign an AOP and he's not on the birth certificate - legally he's no one to that kid.

After digging deeper in to Florida's laws, I see thatyou are correct. The OP will need to, at the very least, put it in writing to the appropriate folks that he is the father. The OP should consult an attorney ASAP.
 
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