Surname Change: From Father to Mother

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CH2008

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Georgia
Can anyone help to word legal reasons why it is in the best interest of my son to change his last name to mine?

Dad and I are in agreement on this. So it is not a fight. Just don't know how to word like the line of "why do you believe it is in the child's best interest" and make it sound legal and professional.I'll give you my reasons, which may be long winded. This is why I need help.


Dad and I split up when our son was 2mo. He is now 2yo. Dad has seen our 2x for a total of 5 days since then (not because I won't allow him any more time, in general I think standard should be 50/50 and parents be equal). Dad moved 1000 miles away to be closer to immediate family, to have support to get back on his feet.


Dad has 3 other children 6, 8, 12. He has full custody of them. Their mother is a drug addict and comes in and out of their lives. It really messes with their head and they are all in therapy for it. So that is one reason... we believe it's best for him to be consistently in or consistently out. Being in our son's life is not working.


His oldest was born addicted to drugs. They believe he has some issues from that. He also had to be revived as a baby and had oxygen loss in the brain, he has general brain damage. His mom is schizophrenic, and he is showing some signs of it himself, he has not been diagnosed. He has been diagnosed with bipolar, ADHD, ODD, and autism. He is extremely unpredictable and at times randomly violent. He'll just be happy as can be and then just walk across the room and try to break somebody's arm for no reason. He has also been accused of trying to molest younger children. the police said they can't do anything about it due to lack of evidence, his age, and disability. Child Services says it's a family matter and they need to seek help at a mental health clinic which they already do. Some of these things are relatively recent, he didn't do all this before. It's getting worse and he is getting bigger. He has been dismissed from every school for being violent with teachers and other students, and touching people inappropriately and making inappropriate comments. So he does Virtual School at home. My son's father is very busy with him and also busy with the other two and their therapy. He is unsure if the other two will progress into similar behaviors.


My son's father says he's not comfortable guaranteeing our son safety on his time. If anything happens he wouldn't be able to forgive himself because he knew the risks. Also, if our son is with him he would not get the attention he deserves because he is so busy with the other child. And his visits will be pretty miserable.


I think he can call or video chat more and we could facilitate a relationship another way. Dad does not think it's possible. I think he could put more effort into it, but he says he is doing his best. He says if it was just him, and our son did not have me, he would probably put him up for adoption. It's kind of frustrating since our son was planned, but I can't make him do anything, and I'm glad he is honest with me.


I am single and have no one to take over the role as "dad". But we talked about approaching it similar to an open adoption. Change his surname. Hopefully to alleviate some confusion about why he has a different last name than me but nobody else really in his life. Hopefully to release strings and expectations that come with the title of "dad". Explain it to our son that all families are different and he just has a mom. When time comes he wants to know his biological father, we will facilitate that when it happens. (Hopefully when he is old enough to understand the situation) I hope it helps him to not feel "abandoned". I know he will eventually want to know, I hope he accepts "every family is different" for a while, and does feel like "my dad just didn't want me", for several years before he really understands the situation. Bio-dad can still ask about and I'll send pics. He can still see our son, but won't have the title of dad. When the time comes our son can know that he is his biological father. And choose whatever he wants from there (call him, call him dad, spend time with him). Hopefully by then the other kids will be adults or nearly adults and his father's will be less strapped for time and money.


Personal reasons Id like to is so I can stop being called Ms. [Father's surname]. And because I constantly have to prove he is my son with birth certificate even when I know others don't, because they have the same last name as their child. Also I've always wanted my boy to carry on my name, since I have no brothers. His father knows this, and I think that may be a big reason why he offered this. We have never been to court and he is not on child support nor do I plan on asking for any child support.
 
Personal opinion..... The child's name hard absolutely nothing to do with any of this. No matter what his name is he will still have the same family and be faced with the same problems.
This desire to change the name is clearly for the parent, not for the child.
When he is an adult he can decide for himself .
 
Personal opinion..... The child's name hard absolutely nothing to do with any of this. No matter what his name is he will still have the same family and be faced with the same problems.
This desire to change the name is clearly for the parent, not for the child.
When he is an adult he can decide for himself .

Thank you for your opinion. Both he and I agree on this though. Nobody else's opinions matters, except the judge who will grant or deny it.

In my opinion. I don't want him being called on in school, at the doctors office, or the name on his athletic jersey being of someone he does not know. It's a constant, unnecessary, reminder of abandonedment when it could be looked at from a more positive point of view.

You don't give your kids stanger's surnames. He is basically a stranger to our son, and that's not changeing anytime soon. It's very difficult to change your name as an adult. After he already has a license/ID, and a passport. All the school records in another name. It's better to do it now. By law I will be able to do when he is 5. Once his father has not been a part of or supported his child for 5 consecutive years. But by then, my son will know what his last name is. So, I'd rather do it now. I know that is what best.
 
Keep it short and simple. "I believe it is in the best interest of the child since his biological father is not now, nor has been, nor plans to be active in his life. I believe that it will be logical and less confusing for my child to have the same last name as myself.
 
Can anyone help to word legal reasons why it is in the best interest of my son to change his last name to mine?

Dad and I are in agreement on this. So it is not a fight. Just don't know how to word like the line of "why do you believe it is in the child's best interest" and make it sound legal and professional.I'll give you my reasons, which may be long winded. This is why I need help.


Dad and I split up when our son was 2mo. He is now 2yo. Dad has seen our 2x for a total of 5 days since then (not because I won't allow him any more time, in general I think standard should be 50/50 and parents be equal). Dad moved 1000 miles away to be closer to immediate family, to have support to get back on his feet.


Dad has 3 other children 6, 8, 12. He has full custody of them. Their mother is a drug addict and comes in and out of their lives. It really messes with their head and they are all in therapy for it. So that is one reason... we believe it's best for him to be consistently in or consistently out. Being in our son's life is not working.


His oldest was born addicted to drugs. They believe he has some issues from that. He also had to be revived as a baby and had oxygen loss in the brain, he has general brain damage. His mom is schizophrenic, and he is showing some signs of it himself, he has not been diagnosed. He has been diagnosed with bipolar, ADHD, ODD, and autism. He is extremely unpredictable and at times randomly violent. He'll just be happy as can be and then just walk across the room and try to break somebody's arm for no reason. He has also been accused of trying to molest younger children. the police said they can't do anything about it due to lack of evidence, his age, and disability. Child Services says it's a family matter and they need to seek help at a mental health clinic which they already do. Some of these things are relatively recent, he didn't do all this before. It's getting worse and he is getting bigger. He has been dismissed from every school for being violent with teachers and other students, and touching people inappropriately and making inappropriate comments. So he does Virtual School at home. My son's father is very busy with him and also busy with the other two and their therapy. He is unsure if the other two will progress into similar behaviors.


My son's father says he's not comfortable guaranteeing our son safety on his time. If anything happens he wouldn't be able to forgive himself because he knew the risks. Also, if our son is with him he would not get the attention he deserves because he is so busy with the other child. And his visits will be pretty miserable.


I think he can call or video chat more and we could facilitate a relationship another way. Dad does not think it's possible. I think he could put more effort into it, but he says he is doing his best. He says if it was just him, and our son did not have me, he would probably put him up for adoption. It's kind of frustrating since our son was planned, but I can't make him do anything, and I'm glad he is honest with me.


I am single and have no one to take over the role as "dad". But we talked about approaching it similar to an open adoption. Change his surname. Hopefully to alleviate some confusion about why he has a different last name than me but nobody else really in his life. Hopefully to release strings and expectations that come with the title of "dad". Explain it to our son that all families are different and he just has a mom. When time comes he wants to know his biological father, we will facilitate that when it happens. (Hopefully when he is old enough to understand the situation) I hope it helps him to not feel "abandoned". I know he will eventually want to know, I hope he accepts "every family is different" for a while, and does feel like "my dad just didn't want me", for several years before he really understands the situation. Bio-dad can still ask about and I'll send pics. He can still see our son, but won't have the title of dad. When the time comes our son can know that he is his biological father. And choose whatever he wants from there (call him, call him dad, spend time with him). Hopefully by then the other kids will be adults or nearly adults and his father's will be less strapped for time and money.


Personal reasons Id like to is so I can stop being called Ms. [Father's surname]. And because I constantly have to prove he is my son with birth certificate even when I know others don't, because they have the same last name as their child. Also I've always wanted my boy to carry on my name, since I have no brothers. His father knows this, and I think that may be a big reason why he offered this. We have never been to court and he is not on child support nor do I plan on asking for any child support.

Changing his last name isn't like an open adoption. Lots of kids have different last names than their parent or their siblings. My daughter's oldest half brother has a different last name than her and the other two half siblings. He has his mom's last name. I still have my ex's last name simply because it's easier - but if I change it someday while my daughter is young it won't confuse her. If people call you his last name, you correct them. It's annoying but it's not the end of the world.

I don't know what all that other stuff you posted has to do with changing your son's name. If you both agree, just put why you both want to do this. I don't see how anything you put is in the child's best interest though. Seems like it's your best interest.
 
I didn't read that really long post, but the parents' mutual agreement is probably the most important thing mentioned. With mutual agreement, I doubt a court will care about any other points about "best interests."
 
Can anyone help to word legal reasons why it is in the best interest of my son to change his last name to mine?

Dad and I are in agreement on this. So it is not a fight. Just don't know how to word like the line of "why do you believe it is in the child's best interest" and make it sound legal and professional.

You're over-thinking this. It doesn't have to sound "legal and professional."

You've pretty much said it right here.

to alleviate some confusion about why he has a different last name than me but nobody else really in his life.

And/or TXLX's suggestion.

Besides, you have the father's consent so you can have the father complete a notarized consent form and attach it to your petition.

I suggest you study this packet of forms and instructions and make sure you are following the right procedures. It's from Cobb County but I'll guess that your county has a similar packet of forms and instructions or you can modify these to suit.

https://cobbcounty.org/images/documents/lawlibrary/forms/NameChangeMinor/MinorNamePacket.pdf
 
Thank you for your opinion. Both he and I agree on this though. Nobody else's opinions matters, except the judge who will grant or deny it.

In my opinion. I don't want him being called on in school, at the doctors office, or the name on his athletic jersey being of someone he does not know. It's a constant, unnecessary, reminder of abandonedment when it could be looked at from a more positive point of view.

You don't give your kids stanger's surnames. He is basically a stranger to our son, and that's not changeing anytime soon. It's very difficult to change your name as an adult. After he already has a license/ID, and a passport. All the school records in another name. It's better to do it now. By law I will be able to do when he is 5. Once his father has not been a part of or supported his child for 5 consecutive years. But by then, my son will know what his last name is. So, I'd rather do it now. I know that is what best.

My nephew is technically my stepnephew. My brother's stepson. But my brother has raised him since he was 2. They did change his last name a couple years ago but can't afford adoption by my brother. My SIL is going to try to figure it out because a friend of hers died from complications from a surgery and the father - who had been absent - got to take custody. My nephew's sperm donor hasn't been in his life since he was six months old. My nephew, in fact, told me he hates him. He never wants to meet him. He's 14 now. The guy randomly pays child support. But my SIL doesn't want something to happen to her and then he gets a chance to take custody when my brother has been his father.

It's not difficult at all to change your name as an adult. My youngest brother is technically my half brother (mom had an affair, he was the result, didn't know the guy was his bio dad til he was 12 when my mom divorced my dad). He had my dad's last name until he was 18. They couldn't change it even with a paternity test. The state said they had to do another one, they couldn't afford it. So once he turned 18, my mom and that guy guilted him into changing his last name. From what I understand, it really wasn't that hard. People change their names as adults all the time.

If you don't care about other opinions, why did you post on a public forum?
 
I agree that this potential name change is more for you than for the sake of your son. His identity doesn't come from the surname he uses, but rather from who he is, who he grows up to be, and how you raise him and treat the issue of his absent father.

My son never knew his father. He left when he was a small baby and the only contact he had with him beyond that was to stop by and see him once when he was about 2 years old, to try and talk my then-husband into adopting him so he wouldn't be on the hook for any more child support.

In spite of that, my son never felt rejected or abandoned. I explained to him when he was fairly young that he had a different dad that he didn't know, and while it confused him a bit initially, it didn't unduly upset him, and he never felt abandoned or rejected simply because he didn't know his biological father. He told me, once he became an adult, that being raised in a loving home by a single mother with extended family that he was close to more than made up for not knowing his dad and he had no interest in seeking him out or meeting him.

My son never cared about the fact that he had the name of a man he never knew, effectively a stranger's surname. He knew who HE was and never felt confused or upset about the name he was born with.
 
Changing his last name isn't like an open adoption. Lots of kids have different last names than their parent or their siblings. My daughter's oldest half brother has a different last name than her and the other two half siblings. He has his mom's last name. I still have my ex's last name simply because it's easier - but if I change it someday while my daughter is young it won't confuse her. If people call you his last name, you correct them. It's annoying but it's not the end of the world.

I don't know what all that other stuff you posted has to do with changing your son's name. If you both agree, just put why you both want to do this. I don't see how anything you put is in the child's best interest though. Seems like it's your best interest.

What I have wrote is why we want to do this. That was our conversation as to why between us. I have 7 lines. A judge will not want to hear a story. That's the point of the question. I know what adoption is. That is just our agreement for understanding for the post. I will not tell him to stay away and don't ever worry about your kid. But, we will not refer to him as dad if/when he makes a day to come around. Which he has never done, the only times our son saw him was because I went to him and got a hotel room for a couple days.

Anyway, I'm not asking what you think is in my child's best interest. Dad is the one who told me he thinks it is what we should do. Dad has his mother's last name. His mother is the one who raised him. He has never had any desire to have his father's last name and said if he had it he would change it because she didn't raise him. It's simpler to do at this age where it is what he will learn. If he was older I would go ahead and wait.

My mom never changed my sister's last name to my father's. She kept her bio-dad last name. She changed it as an adult and she wishes our parents would have changed when she was young like my son.

This may not mean much to you. But it mean a lot to us.
 
I agree that this potential name change is more for you than for the sake of your son. His identity doesn't come from the surname he uses, but rather from who he is, who he grows up to be, and how you raise him and treat the issue of his absent father.

My son never knew his father. He left when he was a small baby and the only contact he had with him beyond that was to stop by and see him once when he was about 2 years old, to try and talk my then-husband into adopting him so he wouldn't be on the hook for any more child support.

In spite of that, my son never felt rejected or abandoned. I explained to him when he was fairly young that he had a different dad that he didn't know, and while it confused him a bit initially, it didn't unduly upset him, and he never felt abandoned or rejected simply because he didn't know his biological father. He told me, once he became an adult, that being raised in a loving home by a single mother with extended family that he was close to more than made up for not knowing his dad and he had no interest in seeking him out or meeting him.

My son never cared about the fact that he had the name of a man he never knew, effectively a stranger's surname. He knew who HE was and never felt confused or upset about the name he was born with.

I understand what you are saying. Being a [my surname] means a lot in my family. It's something we say with confidence often. It relates to morals and values we are raised with. My son's dad will confidently say he is a [father's surname] it means a lot to him. Our son will not know the morals and values that come with being a [father's surname]. We are referred to often by our family name. A bit reason why we split is because our morals and values did not mesh together. We tried, I don't know why. But anyway, it means a lot to us...my son's dad has referred to our son as a [my surname] for a while now because that is what he is and that is what he will be. Now, he wanted to make it official since it's obvious he will not spend enough time with him to teach him their morals and values.
 
My nephew is technically my stepnephew. My brother's stepson. But my brother has raised him since he was 2. They did change his last name a couple years ago but can't afford adoption by my brother. My SIL is going to try to figure it out because a friend of hers died from complications from a surgery and the father - who had been absent - got to take custody. My nephew's sperm donor hasn't been in his life since he was six months old. My nephew, in fact, told me he hates him. He never wants to meet him. He's 14 now. The guy randomly pays child support. But my SIL doesn't want something to happen to her and then he gets a chance to take custody when my brother has been his father.

It's not difficult at all to change your name as an adult. My youngest brother is technically my half brother (mom had an affair, he was the result, didn't know the guy was his bio dad til he was 12 when my mom divorced my dad). He had my dad's last name until he was 18. They couldn't change it even with a paternity test. The state said they had to do another one, they couldn't afford it. So once he turned 18, my mom and that guy guilted him into changing his last name. From what I understand, it really wasn't that hard. People change their names as adults all the time.

If you don't care about other opinions, why did you post on a public forum?

I didn't ask for opinions. I asked how to shorten up my "story" (because my reason looks like book) to be more straightforward, legal and professional.
 
I didn't ask for opinions. I asked how to shorten up my "story" (because my reason looks like book) to be more straightforward, legal and professional.


You have your answer, thread closed. Don't open another, goodbye.
 
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